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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 05-22-2019, 03:49 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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What province and school board is this with? (unless you don't want to say)



In any case, despite what the school or principal(s) or your ex tell you, you can register your kid on the 1st day of school, when September comes. The school registration did not have to be set in stone, today. Sounds like it's not a private school?



It sounds like you need a formal custody/access agreement, because if your ex is just registering your kid unilaterally now, and you're having issues with principals now, you're going to need that piece of paper down the road for other issues.



Principals deal with a lot of crap, in situations like this (separated parents), and without that piece of paper, it makes it more difficult. Your ex beat you to the punch (in a shady way, perhaps), so the principal is probably just settling on that decision for now.



I have a feeling, that your impression of what the principal is doing, and what was said, is not totally accurate.



FYI, I had a similar issue, where a principal (and the other parent), were blocking my change of schools for kid, but in my case, our original agreement basically had a clause that said something like "mother's school decisions" will prevail, and the principal was relying on that, even though, I suspect, he knew my transfer attempt was for kid's best interest. And despite that my kid was living with me primarily then.



I went and got that piece of paper changed (court), and now, kid resides with me primarily still, and kid goes to school on my street. It was not a quick process. But it was needed, and it worked - for me and kid.



Maybe "mediation" deciding this (instead of court), would work for you, but mediation only works for people who can somewhat compromise, and aren't going to have these issues going forward too.



If you go through mediation or court, you could present your case as child was going to school X, and wants to go to school Y now, because their friends and school-mates are mostly going there too. Then you can also point out other reasons it's good for kid, and point out how you can accommodate that, to meet child's best interests.



That's how you should paint that picture. Don't paint the picture though, as, "too far for me to drive", or, "why is it problem for Mom - she doesn't work anyway". School changes can influence custody decisions (for primary caregiver), but a school change should not be done, to help one set that up.



So I think it's a fair point, to mention, if you go the court route, to say that a unilateral school registration done by the other parent without your input or say, should not decide primary caregiver role when done in that manner. (but maybe you were also trying to do the same?)



Did either of you move, or you're both in the same area as the original primary school? None of these schools can't be that far away?
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  #12  
Old 05-24-2019, 02:28 AM
SpiritWithAhatchet SpiritWithAhatchet is offline
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SelfRepMom. Yes we do have a legal agreement from 10 years ago when we separated but it doesn't mention the school.


If this matter gets to court, like you say the kid is changing the school anyway so why not her? It would be just who can prove what is in the best interest of the child. I don't know how much weight it carries to continue with your friends. Maybe not much. Or depends of the judge.



I already offered her both. Money and pickups/dropoffs on certain days but she refused. She wants it because she knows I can't drive to her area therefore she gets more custody and eventually full custody.
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  #13  
Old 05-24-2019, 02:48 AM
SpiritWithAhatchet SpiritWithAhatchet is offline
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Dad2bandm. I got custody agreement. Shared custody legal and physical. My kid told me today that the principal asked him if I asked the kid which school would he like to go. He said yes, and I wanna to to THAT school. Then the principal said "Child should go to school of his choice". Now, I guess we still have this appointment with the principal on the 29th and will see what he has to say.


If he agrees with my ex then IM screwed in court. She will say the principal also came to conclusion what is in the best interest of the child in this case. He could witness for her. It is just my guessing but regardless of what principal does or says I gotta see a lawyer for 1 hour to get some info and then go to court if I can (she filed first, could be expired). But yes she lived here in this school area where the kid is now going to school.


She moved away. During our marriage she lived in this very area and that was 10 years ago.



No I wouldn't write that it is too fart for me to drive but Besides school friends and maybe status quo I have no clue what else to write.



I can't say she wasn't interested in mediation because I learned she did contact them but they couldn't get back to us. It is just too much stress either way.
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  #14  
Old 06-08-2019, 01:00 AM
SpiritWithAhatchet SpiritWithAhatchet is offline
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Wow she refused to come talk with principal but her lawyer advised her to do so. So this Monday we will meet. She said there is no point and that she already registered the child to her school.


What pissed me off is she said to the child "If principal or anyone asks you where do you wanna go you must say mom's area".
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  #15  
Old 06-08-2019, 10:34 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiritWithAhatchet View Post
What pissed me off is she said to the child "If principal or anyone asks you where do you wanna go you must say mom's area".
How do you know she said that?
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  #16  
Old 06-08-2019, 04:57 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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the old and new principal can't enroll the child into a different new school without your consent.

you tell mom your choice of school, she will tell you hers. you guys either agree on a school or agree to disagree.

do you have a future dispute resolution mechanism?

the school doesn't have mediation services. you will need a qualified mediator.

the decision is not up the child or the principal. it's up to the parents only.

arbitiration may be good.

we have a clause that child goes to same school mom zone if mom stays at same place. if she moves , child goes to school at my zone.

if you're shared parenting chances are schools aren't that far anyways. just enjoy the drives to and from school. I don't like shitty 2 minute drives.

I would encourage your child to speak with her friends and then decide what school she wants to go, and let both parents know. She will figure out which parent support her feelings and which parent didn't.

If child truly wants your chosen school but is being influenced by mom then it's fair game for you to explain you weren't given a chance and moms already registered you, and as much as you would love to change it, you can't. I know, it sucks for you and for me but let's just make the best out of it... and never bring up or show any disdain to the school choice. your child will sooner or later realize what really went down. won't be a pretty day for mom.

or... If you really want you can start by simply write a letter to the principals with a court order attached and let them know you have not provided consent for the registration and to immediately revoke the registration as it is in violation of the court order. That the parents will advise and both sign once they have come to an agreement for a school under the joint custody arrangement. Ask for an email or letter in writing to confirm revoking the unlawful registration within 48 hours of receipt of the letter. cc both schools superindents. follow up after 3 days if you haven't heard back. You can also escalate to superintendent and possibly other education authorities. You can also be given 15 minutes to present the issue at board meetings to really ask for better practices and compliance of court orders. It usually doesn't get to this point when the principals realize they've screwed up.

Last edited by tunnelight; 06-08-2019 at 05:38 PM.
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  #17  
Old 06-08-2019, 06:20 PM
SpiritWithAhatchet SpiritWithAhatchet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
How do you know she said that?

Our child told me.
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  #18  
Old 06-08-2019, 06:37 PM
SpiritWithAhatchet SpiritWithAhatchet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
the old and new principal can't enroll the child into a different new school without your consent.

Yes he can. He already did but I called school board and somehow managed to get him unregistered. The current school status is "inactive"


Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
you tell mom your choice of school, she will tell you hers. you guys either agree on a school or agree to disagree.

do you have a future dispute resolution mechanism?

the school doesn't have mediation services. you will need a qualified mediator.

the decision is not up the child or the principal. it's up to the parents only.

arbitiration may be good.
You see, the principal wouldn't let go the child to any school even though he should have him registered by default to designated school area.





Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post

I would encourage your child to speak with her friends and then decide what school she wants to go, and let both parents know. She will figure out which parent support her feelings and which parent didn't.
The child wants to go to the same school his friends are going. Mom says friends don't mean a thing. He better go to school where his older cousin goes. I disagree.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
If child truly wants your chosen school but is being influenced by mom then it's fair game for you to explain you weren't given a chance and moms already registered you, and as much as you would love to change it, you can't. I know, it sucks for you and for me but let's just make the best out of it... and never bring up or show any disdain to the school choice. your child will sooner or later realize what really went down. won't be a pretty day for mom.

That day is far away if ever. He fears his mom too much. I will start a court procedure most likely.







Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
or... If you really want you can start by simply write a letter to the principals with a court order attached and let them know you have not provided consent for the registration and to immediately revoke the registration as it is in violation of the court order. That the parents will advise and both sign once they have come to an agreement for a school under the joint custody arrangement. Ask for an email or letter in writing to confirm revoking the unlawful registration within 48 hours of receipt of the letter. cc both schools superindents. follow up after 3 days if you haven't heard back. You can also escalate to superintendent and possibly other education authorities. You can also be given 15 minutes to present the issue at board meetings to really ask for better practices and compliance of court orders. It usually doesn't get to this point when the principals realize they've screwed up.

Theres no school mentioned in our divorce agreement because the child was 2 year old when we divorced. But thanks for the idea to try and talk at board meeting. I also plan to go to school board office because the principal has lied to me that his supervisor told him to mess around with this thing which they denied.



It is for sure that ex won't agree to the school where the child wants to go especially not to the school across the street from me. It sux that I have to self rep but I see no other option. And I better hurry cuz in July or August she says she wants to go to Europe visit with the child.
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  #19  
Old 06-08-2019, 07:06 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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wasnt there something a while back under one of your old accounts where you and the ex were in an office of some type and she said that for school she was registering him at the one near her and you shook you head yes? Then you were freaking out because you didnt want to break your word to her? Or was that a different poster?
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  #20  
Old 06-08-2019, 07:27 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiritWithAhatchet View Post
You see, the principal wouldn't let go the child to any school even though he should have him registered by default to designated school area.
Do you have any documentation to show the default school option is the school you want child to go to ?

you mentioned school mom wants child to go to is 40 minutes from you. how far is the school you want child to go to from mom? what were the distances of the old school ? either way, the court won't care about a parents convenience. focus is on best interest of child, but I want to know to see if it can help your case in any way.

does your school of choice have better resources in relation to your childs needs? does your child have any special needs?

Just trying to see how a possible affidavit might look like. I think your best argument is that thats where the child grew up and .most of her friends are in your catchment area.

did mom have any discussion with you prior to enrolling child into school in her catchment area ?
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