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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 01-14-2019, 11:23 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Perhaps to counter it you could put kid 2 in a time out or limit screen time at your house to teach him that you will not tolerate the behaviour from him? For instance if they come home having had an issue, you put kid 2 into a time out to enforce that his behaviour towards his brother is unacceptable?
Rockscan, I get what your saying but I dont think punishments should continue between the 2 homes. If the children are misbehaving at Dad's, why should Mom have to enforce it? She wasn't there to witness it. And she also states it was the younger one who was the instigator not the older child that got disciplined. And of course the "story" is going to completely change when the children return to her care. I have a 3 mystery child who's name is "Nobody". Because in my home, according to my children "Nobody" did it. I dont believe Mom2Two and her ex are at the point where they can share in the disciplining. Just my 2 cents.
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  #12  
Old 01-14-2019, 11:44 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Hi there, my child has been pretty pretty badly by her family when younger. On the tighs, stomach, legs, you name it. Leaves nasty red marks.

To me, any pain to a child that leaves a bruise is abuse. I have personally not made an issue to the CAS because CAS never believed any of my other abuse allegations. Also, when mom has pinched the child arm, she called CAS and made child say I grabbed her arm to case worker. I obviously denied it. The cas said even if I had grabbed the child's arm, it was not intentional or abusive. That's as helpful CAS has been to me about the mother's pinching - I become the bad guy.

I personally would call and ask your lawyer, and then the CAS. I know when my child was pinched through OCL investigation, I was told by my lawyer to let it go if it was just once. But to report it if it continues.

You can't deny access, and shouldn't, because your allegations could be found to not necessitate access denial if the CAS is not involved and has no concern.

Tell your child to speak to dad about it. If it continues to be a problem, and child continue to come back with bruises, then make a stink with the CAS. They'll probably just speak to dad, give him some parenting classes to attend, and it will likely be the end of it.


This has happened many times to both kids but never left a mark.

I wonít be denying access and have already told my son that isnít an option. We see the family drís social worker tomorrow I guess I will see if he feels comfortable telling her. I decided to let OCL know... OCL Areasy told me she will be recommending parenting classes to dad after whatever the children had divulged to her. But this isnít the first time he has been told to take them by professionals. He never follows through.
I will let my lawyer know. I do have a picture of the marks that were left. Thanks for sharing your experience.


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  #13  
Old 01-14-2019, 12:47 PM
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Obviously I make them go, my kids have never refused to go to school, but a 10 yro who weighs 90lbs is very hard to push and force....
Last time I checked a 10 year old's tablet only weighs around 1.5 pounds. They are easy to move. Phones are 175 grams or something and they can move with great speed.
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  #14  
Old 01-14-2019, 01:52 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Last time I checked a 10 year old's tablet only weighs around 1.5 pounds. They are easy to move. Phones are 175 grams or something and they can move with great speed.


Haha...




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  #15  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:01 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Last time I checked a 10 year old's tablet only weighs around 1.5 pounds. They are easy to move. Phones are 175 grams or something and they can move with great speed.
I think we are getting too amune to abuse. If one of my kids came home or to daycare/school with visible marks on them, it would be addressed. This is child abuse imo.

I have been that parent that has disciplined in frustration/anger and now have better tools to manage, so does my ex.

The problem isnt forcing the child to go by taking away electronics, its trying to help a parent that has resorted to harming a child over some sibling rivalry. Whats next for these kids if their behaviour escalates? Obviously they aren't responding well to the physical abuse.

Its Dad, that needs to take away the electronics if the the children are misbehaving in public, not Mom. What am I missing here in this thread? Because the focus seems how to get to kids to go to Dad's to get pinch and not on a solution for the abuse to stop.

Here's a simply solution that is taught for struggling parents. Give the child(ren) expectations before outtings. This is how we behave, you will get one warning only, then we are packing up and immediately going home to NO electronics and a time out. Sounds to me Dad just needs some better parenting tools and if it takes a call to CAS, to get him some help I'd make that call in a heartbeat.
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  #16  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:08 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I think we are getting too amune to abuse. If one of my kids came home or to daycare/school with visible marks on them, it would be addressed. This is child abuse imo.



I have been that parent that has disciplined in frustration/anger and now have better tools to manage, so does my ex.



The problem isnt forcing the child to go by taking away electronics, its trying to help a parent that has resorted to harming a child over some sibling rivalry. Whats next for these kids if their behaviour escalates? Obviously they aren't responding well to the physical abuse.



Its Dad, that needs to take away the electronics if the the children are misbehaving in public, not Mom. What am I missing here in this thread? Because the focus seems how to get to kids to go to Dad's to get pinch and not on a solution for the abuse to stop.



Here's a simply solution that is taught for struggling parents. Give the child(ren) expectations before outtings. This is how we behave, you will get one warning only, then we are packing up and immediately going home to NO electronics and a time out. Sounds to me Dad just needs some better parenting tools and if it takes a call to CAS, to get him some help I'd make that call in a heartbeat.


Thanks Kate!! You sound like you have a wealth of knowledge about tools to help parents. I heard from OCL, she agrees that this is excessive force and it should be reported to CAS. She now will be back to interview the children again.


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  #17  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:13 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
OCL Areasy told me she will be recommending parenting classes to dad after whatever the children had divulged to her.
Wait. The OCL told you what she would be recommending before the disclosure meeting? That's explains a few things to me now for my experience with the OCL. Thanks for sharing !
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  #18  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:16 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Wait. The OCL told you what she would be recommending before the disclosure meeting? That's explains a few things to me now for my experience with the OCL. Thanks for sharing !


The OCL knows I have taken the children to a program called ďmoms House dads houseĒ and that dad was told to take the kids and refused. So yes she told me unless he can prove he took the course he was told to take yes she would be recommending he take it. Thatís all she eluded too... not much help in my opinion... he still wonít go.


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  #19  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:18 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I think we are getting too amune to abuse. If one of my kids came home or to daycare/school with visible marks on them, it would be addressed. This is child abuse imo.

I have been that parent that has disciplined in frustration/anger and now have better tools to manage, so does my ex.

The problem isnt forcing the child to go by taking away electronics, its trying to help a parent that has resorted to harming a child over some sibling rivalry. Whats next for these kids if their behaviour escalates? Obviously they aren't responding well to the physical abuse.

Its Dad, that needs to take away the electronics if the the children are misbehaving in public, not Mom. What am I missing here in this thread? Because the focus seems how to get to kids to go to Dad's to get pinch and not on a solution for the abuse to stop.

Here's a simply solution that is taught for struggling parents. Give the child(ren) expectations before outtings. This is how we behave, you will get one warning only, then we are packing up and immediately going home to NO electronics and a time out. Sounds to me Dad just needs some better parenting tools and if it takes a call to CAS, to get him some help I'd make that call in a heartbeat.
+1 .

This is abuse.

It seems like a lot of people are forgetting that a child is getting physically disciplined in a way that all (?) of us think is completely unacceptable.

To say "what would you do if they didn't want to go to school" - is not the right question....more like, "what would you do if they didn't want to go to school because they're being physically bullied/assaulted?" - that's the right question here. Pinching hard enough to leave a mark HOURS later? That's unacceptable.

Mom 2 Two- I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm sorry your kids have to go through this.

Question- did dad use the same "disciplinary" (and I use that term very loosely) techniques when you were together? what did you do then?
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  #20  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:26 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
+1 .



This is abuse.



It seems like a lot of people are forgetting that a child is getting physically disciplined in a way that all (?) of us think is completely unacceptable.



To say "what would you do if they didn't want to go to school" - is not the right question....more like, "what would you do if they didn't want to go to school because they're being physically bullied/assaulted?" - that's the right question here. Pinching hard enough to leave a mark HOURS later? That's unacceptable.



Mom 2 Two- I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm sorry your kids have to go through this.



Question- did dad use the same "disciplinary" (and I use that term very loosely) techniques when you were together? what did you do then?


Thanks Iona... know definitely he did not do that before. They were much younger and he always looked to me to discipline because he would just yell and scream.

You made an excellent point. If they refused to go to school because they were being bullied or abused I would be in the phone to principal as fast as I could.

Yes a red mark noticeable in a picture 9 hours later. And pinched through a winter coat. ;-(. My son has told me dad does this but never showed a mark before.


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