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  • #91
    9 years! I've been at it for 6! I will be praying for you that tomorrow brings a favourable outcome. Please keep us posted. God is in control.

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    • #92
      Not sure if anyone is still following this but starting a new thread and explaining my story would be too time-consuming and I'm exhausted as it is. So I'm taking my chances here... I could use some advice...

      The long motion was scheduled for tomorrow...since my ex-husband is deceased it cannot be heard "at this time" but the judge said he wants to "address the matter".

      I finally found a lawyer that may be able to represent me but the earliest they could fit me in was Wednesday the 9th.

      I didn't serve my motion material since the motion can't be heard as originally scheduled. I told his lawyer that I am seeking legal representation as there's been substantial changes and think it would put me at a disadvantage to serve her without legal advice.

      Since he has passed she has:

      1. She served me with an affidavit just 24 hours after his death.
      2. Told me it would be legal advice to tell me who has current custody of my
      children.
      3. Asked me what my intention is regarding my Motion to Change
      4. Told me that my motion material was expected on Sept 19th (the day after he
      died) and threw this 15 days before the motion thing at me, which I couldn't
      find anywhere but now know that long motions are to be responded to 15
      days before. (She originally served me with a regular motion notice but r
      realized she made a mistake and asked to adjourn it to a long motion date.
      The short motion time to serve is 4 days before.)
      5. Asked me if I will consent to an amendment of the Response to Motion to C
      Change, to add a claim for child support.

      And the very latest late this afternoon:

      6. Urges me to consider settling this matter in order to end the litigation
      7. provide some indication as to what a settlement would "look like" from my
      point of view
      8. asked if I intend to proceed with my Motion to Change
      9. doesn't want the matter to remain in "limbo" so wants to make efficient use of Court time to move the matter forward.
      10. plans to ask the court to make the following orders: appoint the "step-mother" in his place, appoint a lawyer from the OCL for my girls
      11. Specify a deadline for me to serve my material
      12. Asked me again if I will consent to the amendment for child support and said if I don't consent she will be serving an amended Response and amending their motion to seek child support.
      13. asking the court to order me to provide a financial statement along with 3 years of tax returns and notices of assessments so they can deal with child support. (She already asked me a few weeks ago for 2018, 2017 Notice of assessments and already has 2014, 2015, 2017)

      So I need help! What do I do tomorrow? What do I do tonight to prepare for tomorrow? When I responded to her I told her that I will be proceeding, I will be asking for sole custody, and that the "step-mother" standing in his place would be a bad idea after her threatening text. I also told her for the 3rd time that I have an appointment on Wednesday to get legal advice.

      I swear she's trying to break me so I lose my mind and give up! I am losing my mind but I will not give up on my babies!

      Comment


      • #93
        Go tomorrow and request an adjournment so you can retain legal representation. Not showing up tomorrow isn’t going to help you any. I’m certain you will get an adjournment but I’d also want to know what the judge wants to discuss with you.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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        • #94
          I agree show up and listen to the Judge. I think the other lawyer is trying to bully you into a Consent Order to hand over custody of your girls (and their new-found money and now child support) because if you signed your parental rights away on Consent the Judge would probably not object.

          So go to Court tomorrow and state you want sole custody, that you have the ability to provide stability for the girls as well as a relationship with their siblings and extended family, that you have attempted contact and received a response (have three copies of both your txt and the response).

          Do NOT sign anything on Consent (except Final sole custody) - state you have an appointment on Wednesday with legal representation and give the Lawyer’s name. I really hope the Judge simply Orders sole custody as you have been requesting.

          Any communication with the other lawyer just respond with “my lawyer will respond after Wednesday”. You will be stronger than her intimidation for your girls. The whole 15 days before the Motion is moot because the Motion is not being heard tomorrow - again, that lawyer is trying to confuse and overwhelm you so you make a bad decision in her client’s favour (and also so the lawyer can get paid now her cash cow is dead).

          You’ve got this. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.
          Last edited by tilt; 10-03-2019, 11:29 PM.

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            Go tomorrow and request an adjournment so you can retain legal representation. Not showing up tomorrow isn’t going to help you any. I’m certain you will get an adjournment but I’d also want to know what the judge wants to discuss with you.


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            There's no way I wouldn't be going tomorrow. I've got my mom and my fiance coming for support...and for protection if she decides to do something crazy as she said she would.

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            • #96
              Originally posted by tilt View Post
              Any communication with the other lawyer just respond with “my lawyer will respond after Wednesday”. You will be stronger than her intimidation for your girls. The whole 15 days before the Motion is moot because the Motion is not being heard tomorrow - again, that lawyer is trying to confuse and overwhelm you.
              Is there not some kind of rule against lawyers intimidation and confusing unrepresented parties? I was sure I read that somewhere before but now that I'm looking for it I can't find it of course.

              Comment


              • #97
                Ideally, you want your text and her response to be attached to an affidavit you have sworn. The clerks can sign that you have sworn it, if you get there early enough. Good luck.

                Comment


                • #98
                  Nope, lawyers DEFINITELY use intimidation and bullying. My spouse’s lawyer out right lied to me in a settlement meeting the judge Ordered and I called him on it and said I would request direction from the Judge. When we were in the courtroom and I asked for clarification stating my understading of the law vs my learned friend, the judge was EXTREMELY annoyed at the other lawyer (in that super subtle way that judge show disapproval). There are good lawyers out there, but there are also a lot of really sleazy, manipulative ones in Family Law, sadly.

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Also, stay focused tomorrow. Listen HARD to what the Judge is going to say and ask for clarification if you aren’t 100% sure. If he asks if you Consent to the step mom being added as a party, say no, and again state you have an upcoming meeting with a lawyer. Push for sole custody as the only biological parent as per the CLRA as it is in best interest of the children. If you have any connections with his side of the family (grandparents etc), mention them as well and emphasize that you wish to expand access to both sides of the family for the girls’ sake.

                    Comment


                    • Thank you! I have been trying to figure out how I get those texts to the judge and if I would be allowed to request custody since they've said the motion cannot be heard. An affidavit is exactly what I will do!

                      I'm so afraid I will start crying if I try to speak about my girls and their daddy, actually I already know I will, so an affidavit is probably the best way to get through it. I live just down the street from the courthouse so getting there early is not a problem!

                      Thanks so much!!!

                      Comment


                      • I’m confused. Your ex’s lawyer was working for your ex not his girlfriend. She is not a party in this litigation. As such if he asks to make her party to this litigation say no. If she is in court ask to have her removed from the court. She is not one of the surviving legally recognized parents. If she suddenly wants custody of your children she will have to start a separate court proceeding independent of your litigation with your now deceased ex. She is not a party to your proceedings. Do not give her permission to become one. The bar she has to climb in order to do so is
                        exceedingly high.

                        The law is on your side. Her text message will not be well received. The judge will give you an adjournment, especially if you have legal representation lined up. Instruct your lawyer that you do not give consent for her to become a party to these proceedings. She has an uphill battle. Believe in yourself. Look at the hell you have already gone through and survived. You will survive this too and you are doing the right thing by fighting for your kids. You are not replaceable. No matter what shenanigans the girlfriend pulls she will never ever be their mother. Never for all of eternity. You are and will always be your children’s only mother. Nobody has the power to take that away from you.

                        Comment


                        • Just sending you my support and prayers. You got this. Don't let the lawyers intimidation affect you. There is no accountability for sleezy blood sucking lawyers. Ignore the noise and stay focused. Like the other poster said say no to allowing the step mother to become a party to the matter. Stay strong. You have come this far. Sending you my prayers.

                          Comment


                          • Good luck today. Try and keep emotions out of it, as hard as that will be. You want to appear stable and strong in front of a judge.

                            Try and write down all the main points said, ask for clarification if needed and DON’T CONSENT TO SQUAT.

                            Comment


                            • Also, out of curiosity.... Would the judge not tell the ex’s lawyer right there in court that the step mom cannot currently be keeping the girls with her and that they need to go to mom? Like until the step mom magically gets an order giving her sole custody, she has no right to keep those girls, no?

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Mummaa222 View Post
                                Is there not some kind of rule against lawyers intimidation and confusing unrepresented parties? I was sure I read that somewhere before but now that I'm looking for it I can't find it of course.
                                It comes right after the rule against intimidating recently widowed parties.

                                Judges sometimes castigate lawyers for "sharp practice"... perhaps that is what you mean? Anyhow, ex's lawyer is supposed to be intimidating you, that's his job.

                                Comment

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