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  • child age and court

    I know someone has asked this question before on this forum but I forgot to read it. If mod wants to delete this one, fine.

    My child is almost 12 and pretty clever. Despite the fact that his mum is literally alienating him against everything that comes from my side except myself directly because I told her if I notice anything I will take him to psychologist. and I will Without her consent.

    My question is can he decide where to go to school and/or where to live?

  • #2
    Originally posted by The-Iceberg View Post
    I know someone has asked this question before on this forum but I forgot to read it. If mod wants to delete this one, fine.



    My child is almost 12 and pretty clever. Despite the fact that his mum is literally alienating him against everything that comes from my side except myself directly because I told her if I notice anything I will take him to psychologist. and I will Without her consent.



    My question is can he decide where to go to school and/or where to live?
    The answer is no, he can't decide at this age.

    Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk

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    • #3
      And I suppose the judge wouldn't hear his wishes and preferences to add weight on one parents case reading between the lines what the kid says. Thx btw.

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      • #4
        All you have to say is this is what your mother and I have agreed to.

        If mother is alienating child then you should start speaking with lawyers and experienced custody assessors to prepare court proceedings to have sole custody, and re-integeration therapy with no access to mom for a short period in order for re-integeration to be successful.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by The-Iceberg View Post
          I will take him to psychologist. and I will Without her consent.
          I think you like conflict with your ex.

          Sometimes, when a kid is being alienated, the target parent is actually doing it to themselves.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by The-Iceberg View Post
            I know someone has asked this question before on this forum but I forgot to read it. If mod wants to delete this one, fine.



            My child is almost 12 and pretty clever. Despite the fact that his mum is literally alienating him against everything that comes from my side except myself directly because I told her if I notice anything I will take him to psychologist. and I will Without her consent.



            My question is can he decide where to go to school and/or where to live?


            No hes not old enough.

            The judge will also look at the living situation, their attendance at school and the escalating conflict between the parties. All mom needs to do is bring the attendance records, statements from the school, medical records and examples of when she has tried to work with you and received conflict in return.

            If your posts on here (and attacks against people who have reasonable points) are any indication, your ex has a solid case for a change in custody.

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            • #7
              Doesn't matter what dad does. Dad could call the mother a cunt to her face if he really wanted to and that would not give Mom a right to start alienating the children from him.

              The fathers threat of taking the child to see a psychologist doesn't make it right for mom to alienate the child's. What's the saying two wrongs don't make a right.

              But I agree you should not be making any threats whatsoever. Be as cordial and as much as a gentlemen as you can. Basically, you want to move forward with clean hands. The issue is, the professionals can get it wrong sometimes and conclude estranegment when really it is alienation.

              Look at it from a intact family perspective. Dad pisses off mom and child. Mom tells child he's still your dad and loves you. Then it's fine. If mom says, yeah, you're dad's a real asshole - then this would be alienation.

              No negative comment should be coming from mom about dad, regardless of what he has done.

              Be as awesome and as much if a fun sport to your child as possible. It's so easy to defuse a child's thoughts. Sometimes the children question you and hope for an answer that will justify mom's comments about you. You have to be alert about this and give the child a response that totally makes the child realize and see for himself what a gentlemen you are and what a hater her mom is. It will bring the child closer to you. You have to remember that as a targeted parent, you are held to a higher standard. Serious negative comments about you should be addressed however in a friendly manner. I usually respond, that's interesting and leave it at that or say, I'm sorry to hear you feel that way about me, and then change the subject to something like what should we have for supper tonight ? Or why don't we do something you want to do tonight ? Or even, though I have not tried this myself, mommy says a lot of stuff, why don't we do something you want to do tonight?

              (Show the kid how awesome you are, how much they mean to you, and how. Much you love them) each and every single day.
              Last edited by tunnelight; 01-14-2019, 12:08 PM.

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              • #8
                So at what age is the child old enough to speak on their own wishes/interests? If not 12, would it be 14? 16?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by SurftheWave View Post
                  So at what age is the child old enough to speak on their own wishes/interests? If not 12, would it be 14? 16?


                  Instead of a cliff, think of it as a gradual slope.


                  A 14-year old will have more say than a 12-year old.
                  A 16-year old will have more say than a 14 year old.


                  ...and much will depend on the maturity (as decided by some arbitrary measure) of the child.


                  A 12 year old does have some say, but not to the extent Ice wants, and generally bringing in a kid doesn't look good, so it has to be saved for extreme circumstances, mostly being that the kid is 100% on your side.


                  There is no magical cutoff age though. This isn't driving.

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                  • #10
                    Hey Iceberg - how are you these days?

                    Hope your son is healthy as I know you had a very rough go of things for several years. I remember when you started posting and your son was in hospital all the time. A very scary time for you.

                    Always remember (as I'm sure you do) that whatever is in the best interests of the child is what is most important. If you are having personal problems, and the mother (God forbid really?) is offering a more stable environment now then you should consider that seriously.

                    You will always be the wonderful dad that you are to your son. He loves you very much. No matter where your son lives, or what school he goes to, you will always be important to him.

                    Hope things improve for you this year.

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                    • #11
                      Hi Arabian. Thanks for asking. I'm good. Yes it was a scary time.

                      But lemme tell you something. If it was better for the child to go to mom's school, I would let him. Then I would drive him there during my time. No biggy and she cancels her motion. But NO. I know that school. I know what kind of kids go there. I lived there and my brother used to go there.


                      When it comes to custody....I will just mention alienation. And if it was in his best interest, if the judge finds that he is better off with mom, so be it. I know its not and that's why Ill fight.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        No hes not old enough.

                        The judge will also look at the living situation, their attendance at school and the escalating conflict between the parties. All mom needs to do is bring the attendance records, statements from the school, medical records and examples of when she has tried to work with you and received conflict in return.

                        If your posts on here (and attacks against people who have reasonable points) are any indication, your ex has a solid case for a change in custody.
                        What attendance records she can bring? She can bring and lie maybe. I will bring them too. She is responsible for missing most days. Living situation is better on my side but she lives alone in family house so she is ok too. She lies when she says my home is filthy. And We did not have any serious fights that can be mentioned in court from either side. If it ever gets to trial it will be over fast. I can't prove alienation so I wont mention it unless I find someone who deals with pa and take the kid to that therapist. But I haven't found any so far.

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                        • #13
                          Attendance records from the school. You said earlier that the child has missed a great deal of school during your time.

                          Also, just because a school was bad when you went there, doesn’t mean it is bad now. I went to great schools but 25 years later they aren’t so great.

                          Finally, you aren’t an alienated parent. You see your child. You actually asked about how old they had to be to have their voice heard which means kid may want to live with you. All of this tells me that kid has a good relationship with you. Alienation means no contact or communication. Is your ex trying to INTERFERE in your relationship? Or its simply a case of your anger and frustration towards her actions are having an impact on your relationship with your child. You are insulting the many people on this forum who are actually alienated from their children.

                          You have demonstrated on this forum that you are argumentative, defensive and combative. I can only imagine what you are like in person with your ex. From the things you have said I worry it is more a case of you wanting to win against your ex rather than what is best for the child and in this mindset, with your attacks on others here, it seems like some counseling for you may be in the child’s best interest.

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                          • #14
                            Rocky....As I mentioned in other post, the principal called both of us regarding the attendance. he told US is child misses more than 15% he will call the court and there is a procedure about it like why kid missed so much and in worst cases there is a penalty. After that meeting the kid hasn't missed any days except a few with a bad flu which is OK. He also said the time he missed so far we will forget.


                            I drive by the school she has picked and she only wants the kid there because it is close to her while I have him so far in a very different school zone in a better school than one close to me. She was OK with the school.


                            True I am not alienated but my family is. That's not acceptable. I don't alienate hers. Due to my English I sometimes don't write what I mean.


                            I am definitely argumentative, defensive and combative because I had enough of being picked on and bullied by various members. You said From the things you have said I worry it is more a case of you wanting to win against your ex rather than what is best for the child and in this mindset, with your attacks on others here, it seems like some counseling for you may be in the child’s best interest. But Rocky do not worry. I really don't give a damn if you worry or what you think about me. And do not lie that I attack OTHERS HERE. Who did I attack? I did do self defence though. So I just caught you lying. After all, if the moderators think I attack someone first they can ban me. Im ok with that. But I never attack people first. My ex and I had a super friendly relationship until the motion. Now we use text or email.

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