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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-19-2012, 10:33 PM
minefield minefield is offline
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Default Karmatic Forces

Anyone going through a divorce can probably relate.

Ever have one of those months where you wake up every morning thinking that today will be better because it can't get worse than yesterday? Then a couple hours into your day, you discover a new level of misery. That's the month I'm having.

Divorce, one of the coldest words in the human lexicon and my current antagonist, has brought animosity into my life. What started off as a reasonably amicable separation has turned cantankerous. Greed has reared its ugly head and I'm being sucked into a maelstrom of anger and selfishness. I personally have better things to do than fight, but divorce doesn't allow you to bow out gracefully when your dance partner has an itch for conflict.

I'm not a believer in the gods with the best propaganda, but I do believe in science, karma and balance. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Being served with court papers, at work in-front of coworkers is no fun, but it is even more antagonistic when your ex-wife works down the hall and you thought that the workplace was neutral territory. However, when a person declares war, I suppose courtesy and affability get trampled in the rush for victory.

In a divorce, the division of assets seems to include family and friends. Why be neutral when you can pick a side and wreak guilt free havoc. Unfortunately at work I drew the short stick and many people have sided with the opposition, including my lab manager. Divorce is anything but pleasant.

What really inspired this short story is some of the karmatic forces that seem to be at work. Oddly, for every bad thing that has happened, something uniquely useful or timely has happened. For example, after my ex-wife's declaration of war, I serendipitously discovered a signed and dated hand written (hers) agreement that clarifies my position perfectly. I had totally forgotten about this document and it was stashed away in a pile of work papers that would probably keep the Arc of the Covenant safe for a few centuries, but it seemingly just ended up in my hand while looking for something completely unrelated.

A few days later I picked up my kids from school and phoned in for a pizza pickup. The problem was I forgot my wallet at home and had no money on me. Going home and coming back would take 40 minutes and with two hungry kids that would be a nightmare. In the parking lot I got out of the car and looked to see if my wallet fell between the door and the seat and what did I see, a $10 bill and some change. It was just enough to pay for the pizza.

Today I was informed by my lab manager, who is a good friend of my ex-wife, that she wouldn't be signing my paysheets (2 weeks) for "ethical reasons" (her words) as she felt my work performance wasn't up to her expectations for two days of work where she wasn't even in the lab. No doubt this was a grievous abuse of power. Having the usual living expenses, as well as supporting two young children, my tolerance for stupidity and authoritarian rule reached a new low. The issue was resolved, but not without the demoralizing effects of working in enemy territory.

A disheartening day to say the least. As I began my five minute trudge to the car, under dreary skies, I contemplated what the encore to this day would be like. I unlocked my car, buckled my seat belt and put the key in the ignition. With a seemingly energy sapping twist of my wrist, I started the old Jetta. It's not unusual for me to drown my thoughts with loud music, and many a mechanic has suffered hearing damage starting my car. As I sparked the engine to life, there was a brief pause in the wall of sound that emanates from my chosen radio station, but then as if by design the first notes of "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses began playing at an all to appropriate sound level. As the chill ran up my spine, I jammed the car into gear and a huge smile broke across my face as I thought "ain't that the f#*!ing truth".
Old 02-19-2012, 11:20 PM
torontonian torontonian is offline
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Definitely relate - thanks Know you're not alone in the jungle...
Old 02-20-2012, 01:40 AM
Access Dad Access Dad is offline
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Just remember that attitude can be the difference between and ordeal and an adventure. We will all be okay in the end
Old 02-20-2012, 07:00 AM
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NBDad NBDad is offline
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My wife has a saying..."it all comes out in the wash". I say it a lot more bluntly (crudely?) "Karma is a bitch".

The truth tends to come out, maybe not when or how you expect it to...but it does.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, and there is no greater revenge than living your life and refusing to allow the past to dictate your future.

And remember when your STBX says those immortal words "You'll never find ANYONE like me"....words of advice...the appropriate response is apparently NOT "Dear GOD I hope not".
Old 02-20-2012, 10:46 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
And remember when your STBX says those immortal words "You'll never find ANYONE like me"....words of advice...the appropriate response is apparently NOT "Dear GOD I hope not".
Old 02-20-2012, 08:31 PM
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tugofwar tugofwar is offline
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Minefield, excellent writing skills.... it was very interesting to read the above post. I quite enjoyed it!
Old 02-20-2012, 10:41 PM
runaway runaway is offline
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I can relate as I sure all of us here can. I agree Karma is a bitch. My stbx husband is fighting me every step of the way and I just keep thinking Karma is gonna getcha. As torontonian said know you are not alone in the jungle
Old 02-21-2012, 11:15 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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If its any consolation...we're all either there or we've been there. In a majority of these cases, there always seems to be one crazy, bitter, hate-filled, Stage 5 Clinger spouse who is hell-bent on manic destructive behavior. Even when faced with the inevitability of divorce, massive legal bills, and more trauma to the children....they go on and on trying to cause as much havoc as possible in order to "punish" the other spouse for the priviledge of being out of their company.

I find I live my life meticulously these days. One day, one issue at a time. I sort through one problem knowing that there's 4 more waiting for me. Money, court, kids, money, house problems, money, bills, kids, court, more legal bills...on and on.

But everyday I also ask myself one question. Is it worth it to be free?

And the answer is a resounding "YES!!!!!!!"

I remind myself how lucky I am to live in a country where women can free themselves from horrible marriages and have hope to live a better life.

The one constant in life is change. Its how we handle that change and its chain of consequences that determines the people we are.

You have to admit, despite all the noise of is awesome. I'm honestly happier than I've ever been and I know its going to get better and better.

Best wishes to you. Take care of yourself and your kids and know it gets better with time.
Old 02-21-2012, 04:11 PM
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zenna70 zenna70 is offline
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Minefield....oh how we lead parallel lives. Reading your post made me cry. I ask myself everyday "is this day going to be better?"
My ex took me for everything and I took a big hard swallow and said it's will get it in the end. He took my soul and I'm slowly getting it back but it's my kids that I keep my focus on and let all the other sh*t go.

I too work for the same company as my the same building and I hold my head up high, put on a smile and trek ahead. People who were my friends hiss at me when I walk passed them. I haven't been able to advance because my ex rubs shoulders with all the big wigs...maybe he's even sleeping with them ... ewww ! The nastiness of my divorce unfortunatley has for whatever reason, become everyone else's bloody problem and quite frankly they need to MYOB as per Judge Judy's famous saying.
At the end of the day...I left him...miserable man that he was and still is.

I try not to sweat the small stuff and I too believe in karma, what goes around comes back...and if it comes back ten times harder then good
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