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  • What to do with this information?

    My ex is refusing child support. He is paying my portion of the mortgage costs on the home (the other carrying costs- taxes, bills, etc- we are splitting 50/50). However, he is paying using money I had previously transferred via e-transfers for this reason- I have a statement from the bank showing all the transfers- as well as email correspondence from him stating as such.

    We have asked- he and his counsel have been radio silence.

    My lawyer says we fight for it all at one time when we seek equalization- and it's best done through mediation/arbitration. We're waiting for the matrimonial home to sell to tie up the proceeds pending equalization.

    However, we requested and received further financial disclosure. In that disclosure- my ex has been spending $400-$600 a month at strip clubs and erotic massage parlours. He's using his debit card and credit cards at these establishments.

    I mean- it's pretty gross. But I don't know that it's at all relevant to any motions, etc....

    What would you do with that information?

  • #2
    Well it works if hes claiming he has no money to pay cs. It also works if it is coming out of your payments to him.

    If you are paying “rent” to him for the mortgage etc then youre covered. He should still be paying cs.

    You should look up “exclusive possession”.

    Comment


    • #3
      another question- would you disclose this to the OCL? it's a sworn court document (updated financial disclosure)

      Comment


      • #4
        Fire your lawyer. What an idiot. He’s certainly not working for you or your children. Why on earth would you even consider waiting to get a child support order? And wait until equalization?!!!!???!! I’ve been waiting for equalization for 7 years! The matrimonial home sold 4 years ago and the money is still in trust! I have an interim child support order. An inadequate one but one nonetheless which FRO enforces. There are some good reasons why you should get an interim child support order now:
        - they are children now and entitled to it to meet their neeeds
        - your “equalization “ can take anywhere from 0-7 plus years to achieve and then once its ordered good luck collecting such a large amount in arrears
        - you probably won’t get the arrears plus interest he owes especially if the amount is significant. They’ll give you an “offer” for significantly less than they owe, thereby ripping the kids off
        - if the arrears are significant, even with accepting a lowball offer, can your ex pay? You can’t get blood from a stone
        -is your lawyer willing to wait until equalization to get paid?
        -one of first things judges order is child support. It’s important!

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree with Stillbreathing, child support should be ordered or agreed upon before arrears rack up to the point they get negotiated down. In my case the Judge ordered it at the first CC. But I do suspect his arrears before then will be a bargaining chip.

          You could mention to OCL re the strip clubs/palours, but unless he is taking the child with him, I doubt they will care.

          I wouldnt bother with mediation (maybe arbitration, if you afford it), I would get your ex in front of a Judge to get child support established even if it means using that money for your half of the mortgage.

          Comment


          • #6
            I think if it looks like things are going to very quickly finish upthen it makes sense to deal with CS with equalization. if things are dragging on then consider getting an order.
            In my situation, my ex paid the mortgage in liey of CS for aobut 1.5 years. I did not pay any rent. i kept tract of everything and it worked out to very close what we each would have owed each other with child support, taxes, section 7, etc, within a couple humdred dollars. Then my ex stopped paying the mortgage and I took over and at the same time he began child support, and this was right when we were finalizing the agreement, and then it was done and signed!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
              another question- would you disclose this to the OCL? it's a sworn court document (updated financial disclosure)


              My ocl told me she could look at anything that was in our continuing record and that the other side has seen or is aware of

              Now I got her to read a few emails from my ex as well so she can get an idea oh how he emails and how he speaks when she meets him. Hope she puts two and two together it’s not him writing the emails.


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi all,

                Update- the reason we couldn't go for child support as of yet was that my ex refused to file a complete financial statement showing how much he made last year and his taxes, etc...in order to get the supportmate calculations. It was also somewhat strategic for section 7 expenses as I've taken a job with a 20k pay decrease, we wanted until I had my first paystub in order to file an updated financial statement. Anyways that was done yesterday.


                As to the strip club/massage parlour info- my lawyer and I talked about this yesterday and I'm still not convinced of how to get it to the OCL. He suggested that I send the OCL the calendar I made showing all the times he went on the night immediately preceding his early morning visits with our daughter. And ask her "should I be concerned about this?" let her answer the question. But if I'm plotting this out on an outlook calendar printout...doesnt' that LOOK like *I'm* calculating? this will certainly come out if he claims he doesn't have money to pay child support- and apparently he doesn't...he's been in a downward spiral for a couple months from his financials. He's either blown through or moved tens of thousands of dollars since separation. It's not really my concern other than getting child support set up and paid.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I can't understand why you would want to mention it, or how you wouldn't come off negative for saying it. Would you tell ocl if it were bubblegum and baseball cards. Who cares.

                  CS and s7 will simply go by your and your ex's current income.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                    I can't understand why you would want to mention it, or how you wouldn't come off negative for saying it. Would you tell ocl if it were bubblegum and baseball cards. Who cares.

                    CS and s7 will simply go by your and your ex's current income.
                    It's because he has a history of substance abuse- and we have a consent order stating that neither party shall partake in marijuana at least 24hrs before parenting time with our daughter.

                    the issue is that if he's at these places and partying and drinking...is he okay to be picking up and driving our daughter at 10am the next morning?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You have an unenforceable order. However you, and all parents, teachers, doctors, even general public, can report an intoxicated parent.

                      You're worrying about what ifs, and mentioning exotic massages like a crazy ex, while marijuana has been legalized. It has nothing to do with cs, s7 or his ability to parent.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                        You have an unenforceable order. However you, and all parents, teachers, doctors, even general public, can report an intoxicated parent.

                        You're worrying about what ifs, and mentioning exotic massages like a crazy ex, while marijuana has been legalized. It has nothing to do with cs, s7 or his ability to parent.
                        I'm not really worried about "what ifs"- I'm worried about real time. I'm worried he is still using and driving our daughter. He has a history of driving while high. It was one of the reasons we divorced. I can't tell if he's high because I do not see him at exchanges. His sister facilitates the exchanges and supervises the visits. But she would not report her brother.

                        I'm more concerned if he's out partying the night before he picks her up if he'll still be drunk or high. I lived with him for six years- I know his routine- if he's out partying. The next morning he HAS to smoke at least a couple of joints to "even himself out"- his words, not mine.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It's still new for you, so you're still heavily emotionally involved. Soon you'll learn to let go.

                          He could be at home, out with family, friends, dinner, movies, dates, or getting massages every day. Drinking, getting high, who knows. You can't control it, and all you'll do is worry about it.

                          If your ex is only doing supervised access, then you already have someone watching him. Soon you'll see if he's a good parent or not, and your what ifs will be facts.

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                          • #14
                            Great advice. thank you.

                            I'm just going to let it go. I'll bring it up with our co-parent counsellor instead.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Maybe it's just my personal male viewpoint, but again; all I see is crazy ex when I hear you mention strippers and massages, whether it's to the ocl or a counselor. Those don't equate to drinking and getting high.

                              Surely if you have all his financials with these items on them, then you should have debits at actual bars, beer store, weed shop, etc. Any of those could be useful. What you mention here is not, unless you're looking to reconcile.

                              Comment

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