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  • 14 months of legal fees with no end in sight.....

    My wife and I are at our wit's end.

    In brief, my wife was served in Feb 2010 with a motion for change by her ex that was seeking a total reversal of custody, living arrangements, sharing of time and support payments that have been in place by court order since 2004.

    Despite the fact that my wife (fiance at the time) attempted to follow the 2004 court order's dispute resolution process as a potential remedy to her ex's angry rants about access, he served her with a motion for change and we found ourselves at a Case Conference in Mar 10. To our relief, the judge essentially threw out any chances of the ex's wishes of changing custody or residence arrangements and ordered the two parties to attend mediation to settle issues (ironically, this is the process of dispute resolution that was in the original order and what my wife had already suggested).

    We are now more than a year into this "battle" and after over $30,000 in legal fees, we are no closer to a resolution.

    After the mediation sessions that resulted in (or so we thought) all of the issues being resolved, a new draft agreement was written by us and was then systematically dismantled and rewritten by the ex and his lawyer to once again go after all the changes that the judge had effectively dismissed. Several months of back and forth amendments were unsuccessful in achieving a settlement, so we found ourselves in court once again at a Settlement Conference in Nov 10. This time, the judge ordered the two parties to spend the day working out the issues because she felt that we were "close enough" to work out an agreement without going to trial. And so we spent 6 hours in the courthouse coffee shop doing just that. Again a draft agreement was written and again it was twisted and changed by my wife's ex and his lawyer into something that was a complete departure from the settlements that were agreed upon at the courthouse.

    We are now at an impasse. Our lawyer has essentially stopped communicating with us (except to send invoices for services rendered). We have requested guidance on resolution and a potential court motion for the unresolved issues, but our lawyer wants my wife to go to another Settlement Conference or back to mediation. Our lawyer is taking weeks to get back to us - not returning phone calls or emails, or answering our questions. One of our "sticking points" is that my wife wants her ex to pay for our legal fees. This is mainly due to the fact that the draft agreement we are trying to finalize (based on the shifting agreements of her ex), basically solidifies in black and white the arrangements that are already in place (and which have been in place for years as documented by my wife). We feel that this whole process has been an unnecessary waste of time and money. Unfortunately, unlike us, my wife's ex has a seemingly limitless supply of money with which to finance his quest for control.

    We feel that our lawyer is no longer representing us, but we are unsure of where to go from here. We want this process to end, but why should we bear the costs to finalize it when it was served upon us? Should we attempt to represent ourselves and force a trial? We feel that this may be our only option as we cannot afford to pay for a lawyer, don't qualify for legal aid and we doubt that the issues can be resolved in any other setting other than a court where a ruling is final because the ex and his lawyer seem to conveniently forget all that is agreed upon in any other venue, therefore costing us more in legal fees......and round and round we go!

    Can anyone provide some guidance based on experience or professional insight? We are truly beginning to feel that there will be no justice for us in these circumstances......

  • #2
    This is the story of all of us here. My ex was on legal aid and I was on my own. I ran out of all savings, available credit lines and credit cards in paying the legal fees. I must have spent close to 40K (give or take few thousands).

    Make sure to ask for costs when and if you go to trial and who knows, you might get portion of your costs if your position happens to be what the judge orders in the end (or close).

    Comment


    • #3
      You are letting too much back and forth go on between the lawyers. There is no need for this to go on for months at a time, and this is part of what is costing so much money.

      You have to take control of your case, that doesn't mean doing it all yourself, but it means controlling your file. It is like getting your house renovated, you don't just hand the contractor the keys and a blank cheque and go away saying "Fix it up".

      Do not go to any more mediation. You have fulfilled your obligation as far as the judge's order goes. There is nothing to mediate and if mediation is not in good faith then it will just go on endlessly as you have already found.

      If oyu want a quick, cheap solution, ask for arbutration. This is an immediate binding settlement where you take your case to an arbitrator and he acts as judge. It is basicly a private sector trial. It is legally binding. If your ex won't agree, then make a reasonable offer, status quo is fine, draw a line in the sand and push for trial.

      You probably need a new lawyer. Again, from the first moment, be clear that this is your life, your kids, the decisions affect you and you will make them not the lawyer. Be clear on this, the lawyer will not make any offers or send any letters without your prior approval. State that you are done with back and forth negotiations, you are pusing for trial (or arbitration if that is what you prefer). Iff the lawyer can't work with you on that basis, find out at the first consultation and then go find another.

      As you already know, going to court is equivalent of a full time job. Invest the time in find a lawyer who will work for you and work with you and understands the work and effort done to date do not need to be repeated.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Mess View Post
        As you already know, going to court is equivalent of a full time job.
        Amen, brother.

        Try working full time hours, and self-repping. Very demanding, not to mention stressful.

        Comment


        • #5
          A few questions....
          1) What was the status quo before the conflict?
          2) How many children, gender and age?
          3) who earns what and how?
          4) How long ex's married?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Mess View Post
            If oyu want a quick, cheap solution, ask for arbutration. This is an immediate binding settlement where you take your case to an arbitrator and he acts as judge. It is basicly a private sector trial. It is legally binding. If your ex won't agree, then make a reasonable offer, status quo is fine, draw a line in the sand and push for trial.
            Thanks for the advice......we certainly agree that the "back and forth" nature of this issue is costing us far too much in unnecessary legal fees.

            Can we seek an arbitrator on our own? Can we go after costs through an arbitrator? It seems to us like this would be the best case scenario of avoiding a very costly trial - like I said before, the ex has a seemingly unlimited supply of money and malice....

            I have also floated the idea with my wife of a "sit down" with her ex and the two of us to hash this out without the lawyers, but there is a potential that it could get out of hand....any thoughts?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by staysingle View Post
              A few questions....
              1) What was the status quo before the conflict?
              2) How many children, gender and age?
              3) who earns what and how?
              4) How long ex's married?
              I'm not sure why this would make any difference.....can you elaborate?

              Comment


              • #8
                Most mediators also do arbitration, the trick is to get the ex to agree. You both have to sign an agreement binding you to the arbitrator's decision.

                There is also "med-arb" where you start with mediation, the same process you have been through. If you can't come to an agreement the mediator will then arbitrate.

                In either case you can google an arbitrator, you will want to be careful and research them of course.

                As far as sitting down with the ex, I think it's a waste. If the ex is reneging on mediated agreements why would this be different? I've been through similar with my ex. At best, you could have a set of questions to go through like "why go through mediation and then not go through the agreement?", but really, what will you accomplish?

                Comment


                • #9
                  hmmmmmm, very good point about the sit-down. Past experience certainly does not point to success with this course of action.

                  One other question.....do we "fire" our lawyer and proceed with an arbitrator on our own or do we need a lawyer for this process too?

                  Comment

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