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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-29-2010, 11:11 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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How would you word an email to the ex so he will stop having the kids drop off support cheques in my mail box?

He gives the kids an envelope when they come over for dinner and he tells them to put it in my mail box, but they are not supposed to tell me that they have done this because he tells them I have “issues”.

The kids’ come over, tell me that the envelope is in the mail box, and that dad told them not to tell me, and is it okay if they just give me the envelope.

My kids’ are older; they know what’s going on. I have asked the ex not to do this, that it is not the kids’ responsibility; that he is putting them in the middle, but he ignores my request.

How would I word the email so he stops doing this, or am I making an issue where there isn’t one?
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Old 08-29-2010, 11:20 PM
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Perhaps it might be easiest just to give or send the ex a package of stamps with a note requesting he mail the cheques directly to you rather than passing them through the children to you.

They shouldn't be in the middle nor should he be dropping comments to them about you, I don't think you're making an issue where there isn't one.
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Old 08-30-2010, 06:52 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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be thankful he is paying his support. If the kids are older and know what is going on then they can see that Dad is just trying to push your buttons. Does he feel that his way is better then mailing it, saving him a stamp, gets there regularly plus it doesn't get lost in mail??
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Old 08-30-2010, 08:03 AM
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What about offering some alternatives, such as an email money transfer instead?

Barring that, go setup a separate account at a bank that's close by either his house or his work, and give him the account #. With the account number and the name on the account, he can do a deposit at the teller.

If he won't stop involving the children....do you have a court order? Are you in Ontario? I hate to say it, but set something up through the FRO.
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Old 08-30-2010, 08:26 AM
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Or you can simply threaten with FRO...

"Ex, I have previously expressed to you my feelings about our children being put in the middle with regards to your method of delivering their child support cheques. It is not our children's responsibility to deliver these cheques from you to me, or to my mailbox. I will not tolerate our children being used like this any longer. You are welcome to deposit the support amount directly into my bank account through internet or tele-banking, or you may mail the cheques directly to me at my home address. If neither of these methods are agreeable, perhaps registering with the Family Responsibility Office will ensure that our children are left out of the support exchange, as it clearly makes them uncomfortable. Please advise as to your method of preference. If I don't receive a response from you by [date] I will have no choice but to register with the Family Responsibility Office, as this will be in our children's best interest."
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Old 08-30-2010, 10:56 PM
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Excellent advice and very well said, #StepMom.

Last edited by Nadia; 08-30-2010 at 10:59 PM.
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Old 08-30-2010, 11:02 PM
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It's very unfortunate that trivial matters like how the support gets delivered have to escalate into Battle of Britain proportion when in the court system.

That two people can't agree on such a simple matter does not bode well for the children.
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:31 AM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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What I am looking for are other perspectives.

Currently there is no battle going on, he just wants to show me he’s in control by ignoring the kids’ feelings and my request and doing what he wants. Yes, he’s pushing my buttons. No, I don’t go off on the kids or call him looking for a fight. I tell the kids its fine and not to worry about it.

He does not want to mail the cheques in case they are lost or stolen. We looked into setting up a separate bank account, but he didn’t like that.

We have no agreement yet, we are still working on this.I appreciate all the suggestions, and now I have some alternatives to suggest.

#1stepmom , thanks for the sample email. That’s what I need to know, how to word it so it’s straight forward and un- emotional.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:13 AM
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Have your children tried telling their dad that they don't feel comfortable doing so? Perhaps encouraging them to speak honestly to him will help him realize that it's not about what you want... but rather what the children want.
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frustratedwithex View Post
[FONT=Verdana]He does not want to mail the cheques in case they are lost or stolen. We looked into setting up a separate bank account, but he didn’t like that.
That is a completely bogus position to take. And it sucks that you can't agree on how to do it.
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