Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Spiritual Divorce

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    Glad that we are back on track with this post

    The concept of spiritual divorce is all about forgiveness for our own sakes. My ex's dickieness and douchebaggerie will probably never change - only my reaction to it will. I'm half way there, I don't wish him harm and I would not refuse basic help he was in an emergency ... but that's the most I could muster. Some things are unforgivable regardless of how long ago they happened.

    The only certainty is that I could never trust him or have any kind of respect towards him again - that bridge was burned a long time ago.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Rioe View Post
      I see that more as simply letting time pass and not holding a grudge. It's more passive than I usually associate with forgiveness. As noted above, forgiveness is more about accepting an apology, not just waiting for hurt and anger to fade.
      I'm not sure about the passivity thing. For me, forgiveness takes a lot of active work. It's not about making everything okay and erasing all the bad things that have happened, it's more about deciding that you're going to stop dwelling on these bad things because it doesn't do you any good. But getting to that point is a lot of work. Whenever the ex's name appears in my email (for instance) my emotional reaction is anger, hurt, fury, etc. I don't act on these emotions externally (that's the easy part), but what's more difficult is to force my mind off these emotions and into a neutral space.

      Re-experiencing anger and hurt etc doesn't do me any good. It did serve a purpose once - propelling me out of a destructive relationship - but those days are over. However, easier said than done - there's a natural tendency to dwell on the wrongs that have been done to us. When I no longer think about these wrongs, or have an emotional reaction to "triggers", then I'll know I've forgiven, or come as close to forgiving as I'm likely to get.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by caranna View Post
        Janibel, I hear you and can't help but chuckle. I would add to your list a muzzle over my ex's mouth so that he wouldn't interrupt the judge as he tried to do twice at the case conference last summer. He wouldn't dare try to attack my lawyer but I wouldn't refuse a body guard for myself. As for the priest, he is not Roman Catholic, but it doesn't seem out of place to consult a minister on the matter of exorcising him. Lol.
        I thought of getting mine a bag of doggy chew toys, so he would have something to gnaw on obsessively, whack on the floor, and throw around the room when he's having trouble finding his polite voice. But I thought that might be the tiniest bit passive-aggressive.

        Comment


        • #34
          I truly believe it is ok to acknowledge and have feelings about the fucknuttery that has happened in the past.

          A great example from the follow up post: 7 Things Forgiveness is NOT…. | Ron Edmondson


          Restoring the same relationship – The relationship may be closer than before or not, but most likely it will never be the same.
          It's ok - and expected - to be changed by the experience, but still possible to forgive. Just don't expect things to automatically be the way they were!

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by stripes View Post
            I thought of getting mine a bag of doggy chew toys, so he would have something to gnaw on obsessively, whack on the floor, and throw around the room when he's having trouble finding his polite voice. But I thought that might be the tiniest bit passive-aggressive.
            See now, there's a perfect example of reaching out to help this person in need. Great job!!

            Comment


            • #36
              I'm a warm, generous human being.

              Comment


              • #37

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  Depends on your reason for forgiving them, I guess. Are you doing it for them, or for yourself?
                  I think this is where it gets confusing for me. Forgiving him, even if for myself - does it somehow make you vulnerable to it again in the future? I'm in accounting - I need a credit for every debit LOL.

                  I admit, I do not forgive easily in certain areas of my life.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
                    I think this is where it gets confusing for me. Forgiving him, even if for myself - does it somehow make you vulnerable to it again in the future? I'm in accounting - I need a credit for every debit LOL.

                    I admit, I do not forgive easily in certain areas of my life.
                    That's up to you to decide

                    Remember, firgiveness does not assume that all is forgotten and things go back to the way they used to be - it's ok to be optimistic , but be cautiously optimistic!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                      That's up to you to decide

                      Remember, firgiveness does not assume that all is forgotten and things go back to the way they used to be - it's ok to be optimistic , but be cautiously optimistic!
                      I'm going to try and remember that.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by stripes View Post
                        I thought of getting mine a bag of doggy chew toys, so he would have something to gnaw on obsessively, whack on the floor, and throw around the room when he's having trouble finding his polite voice. But I thought that might be the tiniest bit passive-aggressive.
                        Too funny. Not passive aggressive at all You're problem solving!

                        I admit, I now enjoy ending my letters to his lawyer with Have a Nice Day!. I asked the process server to say it when he was served as well

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
                          Too funny. Not passive aggressive at all You're problem solving!

                          I admit, I now enjoy ending my letters to his lawyer with Have a Nice Day!. I asked the process server to say it when he was served as well
                          I love this - how thoughtful of you to wish him well!

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                            I love this - how thoughtful of you to wish him well!
                            Small pleasures I guess.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              It is quite the story. She found out her husband was cheating on her with her best friend. She and the best-friend's husband became each other's support system and it eventually blossomed into a romance.

                              A very strange way to find your soul mate.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by stripes View Post
                                I'm a warm, generous human being.
                                https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.n...59077486_n.jpg

                                (not posting the picture as it is too big)

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X