I have heard other commentators on this board recommend "radio silence" when dealing with partners who thrive on continued conflict post-divorce. But what does this really mean?
I was forced to block my ex-partner from my work email address because I was inundated with lengthy emails every morning. Instead I have set up a dedicated Gmail account just for him. I check the account when the children are not around so that they do not see me visibly upset. The emails are often abusive, and accusatory in tone and content, making them difficult to read. However, for the most part I have tried not to engage by responding to the abuse. I try and keep my emails short, business like and to the point. But occasionally find myself dragged into a "back and forth" dialogue that is not going anywhere in respect to resolving anything.
I was also left with no choice but to change my cell number because he kept calling me and leaving lengthy voice mail messages. It was costing me a fortune on "my pay as you go" plan. This was only after I warned him that if he did not stop calling me several times and leaving lengthy accusatory voice mails, then I would need to get a new cell number and would not be able to give him my cell number. He continued, I changed my cell number.
I have provided him with my home phone number which he is supposed to use when there is an emergency. There is an answering machine which often gets filled up pretty quickly with his messages. Morever, there are times where he will call several times in a very short period (an hour), as transpired last night. Or very late at night waking me up long after I and the children have gone to bed.
I am thinking of compiling a short email addressed to him setting down some ground rules in respect to:
1) How late parties should call (non-emergency) each other at home
2) How quickly parties should expect a response to an email
3) How quickly parties should respond to a non-emergency voice mail
4) What time is best for parents to call the children should they wish to speak to them when they are with the other parent?
Any ideas or feedback on this and shared experience on how you have dealt with a similar situation would be welcome.
I was forced to block my ex-partner from my work email address because I was inundated with lengthy emails every morning. Instead I have set up a dedicated Gmail account just for him. I check the account when the children are not around so that they do not see me visibly upset. The emails are often abusive, and accusatory in tone and content, making them difficult to read. However, for the most part I have tried not to engage by responding to the abuse. I try and keep my emails short, business like and to the point. But occasionally find myself dragged into a "back and forth" dialogue that is not going anywhere in respect to resolving anything.
I was also left with no choice but to change my cell number because he kept calling me and leaving lengthy voice mail messages. It was costing me a fortune on "my pay as you go" plan. This was only after I warned him that if he did not stop calling me several times and leaving lengthy accusatory voice mails, then I would need to get a new cell number and would not be able to give him my cell number. He continued, I changed my cell number.
I have provided him with my home phone number which he is supposed to use when there is an emergency. There is an answering machine which often gets filled up pretty quickly with his messages. Morever, there are times where he will call several times in a very short period (an hour), as transpired last night. Or very late at night waking me up long after I and the children have gone to bed.
I am thinking of compiling a short email addressed to him setting down some ground rules in respect to:
1) How late parties should call (non-emergency) each other at home
2) How quickly parties should expect a response to an email
3) How quickly parties should respond to a non-emergency voice mail
4) What time is best for parents to call the children should they wish to speak to them when they are with the other parent?
Any ideas or feedback on this and shared experience on how you have dealt with a similar situation would be welcome.
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