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the child is not allowed to give me her phone number

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  • #16
    Yes, there is hope, the problem is that I'm racing against time. The pressure d10 is under will erode our relationship.

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    • #17
      I just want to commend nosuchluck and her ex for being able to present a united front on this issue, in the best interests of the kid. Gives me hope that no matter how bitter the relationship between the adults may be, it is possible to work together.

      I've seen the opposite scenario with my bf's kids. His daughter had some "preteen moments" when told to finish her homework before watching TV, she called her mom, mom said "poor thing, your dad's so unreasonable" and came and took her out for ice cream and other treats. This escalated to "you poor thing, come and live with me and you will never have to do anything you don't want". It eventually ended up in court - all completely unnecessarily. Bf's daughter is more mature now and (a bit more) serious about school, and she gets that her father wasn't making her do her homework because he is mean and unreasonable.

      Anyway - good on nosuchluck.


      Originally posted by nosuchluck View Post
      Wow! This baffles my mind. My kids are both free to communicate with either parent as they wish. The only time that this is restricted is if they are not happy about a consequence, both my ex and I are on board about this and have the same rule.

      My d12 was asked to finish her homework after work, she had a litte pre teen melt down. Her immediate reaction is to want to call her dad to complain. She has done the same to him. Thankfully, we are on the same page. We only had to do it a few times and she stopped asking.

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      • #18
        Well, sadly it makes me feel a bit better that my husband isn't the only one who goes through this. But it breaks my heart at the same time.

        Step Son's mother takes the phone off the hook every night OR if there's a disagreement you can guarantee it'll be a few days before he's allowed to talk to his father again. So ridiculous and petty and I can only hope that one day his son will realize what was happening. NOt because I want him to realize bad things about his mother, but because I want him to see the reality of the situation and realize that maybe everything his mother said wasn't true.

        Good luck!

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        • #19
          The light went on for bf's daughter when she realized her life's dream was to be a vet - and you can't get into vet school (or even a pre-vet basic science degree) with bad grades. Since then, she's been gunning hard to excel at school and build up a CV that will get her where she wants to go, and she's only in grade 9 now. It's hard to overestimate the motivational power of having a dream ...


          Originally posted by oink View Post
          BOLD 2: Eventually they will get it, once the head comes out of their ass, and they realize that life is not all about play (texting, facebook, chasing boys, makeup), and grade 12 hits and they aren't one of those going off to college/university)

          Any parent that doesn't take education seriously is a FOOL!

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          • #20
            lulubuttons,
            unfortunately when kids grow up and old enough to realize what happened, by that time they have lost one of the parents, at that time they lose the other. I went through this by myself, I know well how it works.

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