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  • #16
    Perhaps you could pick a public spot in between the 2 parents homes for any switches made apart from daycare/school? If Grandpa has the child at his home then mom would be responsible to arrange transportation to meet at the agreed upon spot.

    Always sounds like ransom or drug drops when worded that way!!

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    • #17
      Pharah,
      What is your relationship really like with your ex where you feel you need to have a clause in there stating you will get the police involved if the other party doesn't 99% stay the course of the order? Are you going to be able to live up to the agreement 100%?
      The worst thing to do is getting police involved over petty things especially if it's not immediate danger/threat to your child(ren) and for them to witness the police in the situation... not healthy at all.

      Comment


      • #18
        You are going to have to come up with compromises and work with your ex not against to try to do what's the best for everyone. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but playing into the other's games doesn't make you any better.
        Take the high road. You will feel better about your position and feel you are the better parent.

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        • #19
          I have taken the high road by not going to her father house to get my son last night.

          My problem is how to handle this in the future. My relationship with my ex had been fine until I got involved with my current spouse who is an old family friend. She has known both of us since our son was an infant and has even cared for him when my ex and I where still together...but that is another story.

          I need to first figure out what I want before I can try to work out what we can both agree to, besides the judge will be ruling on whatever we can't agree on in January regardless.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Pharah View Post
            besides the judge will be ruling on whatever we can't agree on in January regardless.
            That should set the stage for sunshine and lollipops from then on.

            Comment


            • #21
              On Police Enforcement..

              Hi Pharah,

              I requested a Police Enforcement Clause in the order to ESP/JC that the Childrens mother and I have in place.. It works great.. It does'nt mean that I call the cops if she is an hour late exchanging the kids..

              It's an insurance plan that our order will be adhered to. It worked really well the last time she went to Ontario and was threatening not to return..

              In regards to First Right of refusal, it's a great idea, but unless the other person is cooperating you will only find out after the fact that they have been putting the children in someone elses care. If you do not communicate well, you may end up in the same situation as me..

              The Childrens mother has no relatives here where we live, so if she has to work or wants to go out during her three nights with the kids she needs someone to watch them. While I am completely willing, she has frequently dropped the kids off with unknown babysitters, when I ask her about it in the communications diary she just denies it. I have to hope she is carefully considering who they are staying with.

              Even though we have a first right of refusal in our order, it would still require someone impartial to witness the lack of adherence to the order for it to be enforced.

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              • #22
                Good luck with police enforcement. It's difficult to obtain under order, if there's no evidence of severe breach of access orders.

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                • #23
                  epinecone: I assume then that you are in Alberta?

                  Logicalvelocity: Yes, I wasn't sure if it would be easy to get in Ontario and I am not sure I will have enough time to prepare before January.
                  Last edited by Pharah; 11-18-2010, 09:50 AM.

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                  • #24
                    what about something like this:
                    In case of Illness:
                    Each parent is responsible for tending to the child when he is sick, based on the child’s access schedule.

                    The custodial parent of any given day is responsible for:
                    a. Proving care for the child.
                    b. Inform the alternate parent of the child’s condition and of any changes.

                    If the child is unable to attend school or day-care and the custodial parent is unable to care for the child, right of first refuse goes to the alternate parent.

                    If the child is hospitalized for any reason, the residential parent is responsible for contacting the alternate parent or caregivers as soon as possible.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      [quote=Pharah;54117]My relationship with my ex had been fine until I got involved with my current spouse who is an old family friend. She has known both of us since our son was an infant and has even cared for him when my ex and I where still together...but that is another story.
                      quote]
                      ...are you saying that your current spouse was your ex's friend? And your ex trusted her enough to take care of her babies? o0oO0oO00oOOo0Ooo0oYE
                      No wonder your ex is so upset since you became involved with her.
                      I know that one's emotions are not suppose to get in there and muddle up things, but we are human, and our emotions and our pain and hurt DO effect us and it comes out in way or another. I think you might have muddied the waters by becoming involved with someone that your ex trusted.... good luck with that

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                      • #26
                        Ok just a couple of comments

                        1. The only thing that will be enforcable (if this is granted) is the access.

                        2. Right of first refusal is a nice idea, include it but I am going to give you some information i have learned

                        a) whoever your ex chooses for caregiving is "technically" not up to you, if they have access they should be able to choose because they should be able to choose a caregiver, you will no longer know all of the same people that you do now that you are separated so you cannot expect to make this decision for your ex

                        b) include a clause that no unfamiliar adults/ strangers shall be included in the exchange of the child(ren)

                        c) include a clause that any time either parent requires a caregiver for a period longer then 8 hours, unless for the purpose of employment then they must first offer that time to the other parent.

                        EITHER WAY based on our recent contempt motion non of these other clauses really matter

                        3. It would be better for the children for you to sacrifice the access at that moment then to have them exposed to the police. IF you keep losing access then go for an motion to change or contempt, BUT exposing the children to police is horrible.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          rustedinnocence: I really don't care how she feels about my relationship. It was not something either of us planned. I am happier with my new spouse than I have ever been. We are not in high school anymore...she needs to move on.

                          AnotherSTEPMother: I like your suggestions, thanks. I agree that the last thing I would want is police involvement, but at this point there isn't final order to change.
                          Last edited by Pharah; 11-18-2010, 03:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Pharah, I would like to take you and you ex out into the back 40 and beat some sense into the both of you. Enough of the petty bullshit that divorce brings out in people regarding the children. Grow the f up already. Sit down with you ex and come up with a solid plan in raising your children in this time of need.

                            Get past on "who gets more time" or " how much child support he/she gets".

                            Guess who wins at the end of the day? The lawyers and judges. Family law is a 5 billion a year industry that I have paid my share into also.

                            I am trying to protect my kids at all costs so the don't fall victim from statistics of children of divorce. I am going to make sure my children know that they have a mommy and daddy that love them very much and that they are not to blame.

                            I usually lurk on this site for some useful info, but more and more it has become a site of how I can screw my ex over and deny access to the children or how much money I am owed. Consider myself an addition to your thread if you consider posting about any of the above. I won't bite my tongue in response.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Boomstrike: As previously mentioned, I am trying to figure out that I want to ask for, what I feel is reasonable. This is why I have posted this.

                              My ex and I have already gone to mediation (huge fail), councelling with family services and all it's been is a huge bitch session from my ex to discuss all the thing that when wrong in our past relationship. I am done.

                              We have had the OCL and CAS investigate, OCL agree with the current status and CAS said that the calls from my ex's family where malicious.

                              Now, we have been asked to work on this settlement offer and I am asking for advice, not your judgement. I get that from the Judge in court. I am simply would like feed back on what people here think is reasonable for my settlement offer...is that to much to ask?

                              Comment

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