Hi
I need some advice on how to proceed with getting more time with my two boys.
Some background:
I have two boys - 3 1/2 and one. My ex wife and I separated a year ago. We sold our matrimonial home in July and we both now have our own homes - about 10 mins apart from eachother. We negotiated an separation agreement based on increasing access. From Sept to Jan, I have both boys for two evenings a week (4:30 - 7:30) and every other weekend (my three year spends friday through sunday evening while my one year old is with me friday 4:30 - 7:30 and then sat and sun 8:30 - 7:30 - no overnights). In January, I get to have two weeknights a month overnight with my 3yr old. In April, I get the saturday night of the weekend overnight with my 1yr old. Finally, in Sept 2011, both boys will be on the same schedule being two weeknights - one overnight and one not, and everyother weekend. It is a confusing schedule and was based on 1) my ex wife planning on breast feeding until 18 months and 2) my ex wife not wanting to give up her nights with my youngest. I had to work her down to this schedule. I also wanted joint custody and to avoid going to court. I did obtain joint custody in the agreement.
About three months have now passed and we have been going on with this schedule. However, my ex wife stopped breast feeding in August all together. This did not result in her giving me any overnights with the 1 yr old. Also, the transitions have been becoming hard on my 3 yr old. He wants to stay with me longer then a few hours on the weeknights and cries back at his mom's. He also doesn't understand why we sometimes drive his brother back to mommy's and he comes back home with me and sometimes he has to stay at mommy's. I've approached my ex wife verbally (we are on good terms) and have asked her if she would consider overnights with my 1 yr old sooner. She refused and said "she" wasn't ready. The other night, she asked me if I had any ideas to make the transition easier for my 3 yr old. I told her that I felt it would be better for the boys that when they are with me for the weeknights that they stay overnight and I drive them to daycare in the morning (I am just as close to daycare as she is and can get them there). I felt that instead of always doing drop off and pick up at her or my house, it would be easier if for the times i had them I picked them up at daycare and dropped them off the next morning and she picked them up in the afternoon. My ex responded that she wasn't comfortable with that idea. I asked why to which she said "it's not in our agreement and since I'm not comfortable with it, your suggestion is not an option." She said that she saw how my idea would benefit me. So basically there was no compromise.
What I would like for me to keep both my boys overnight the two weeknights I have them already and to have my one year old stay with my 3yr old overnight every other weekend. Now that my ex wife is not breastfeeding, I don't see why this isn't possible. As I mentioned, I purposely live as close as I can, I have a really nice house two storey townhome, the boys have their own room. I have a solid job and pay table amount child support. I pick them up from daycare the nights I have them and can get them there any morning. I want as they grow older to move to a more 50/50 split but recognise their young age. I don't think what I am asking for now is a lot and in fact believe it is better for the boys. I believe my ex is putting her own self interest first. I want to press the issue and move it forward and want to see if I am on sound footing - especially if I need to motion the court for a change.
What does everyone think? Is this reasonable? Can I motion amend the separation agreement since some of the circumstances have changed? Would a judge find this reasonable? I don't know what argument my ex would make in front of a judge against this? My boys love being with me and I miss them terribly. I just want to do normal things like put them to bed and get them ready for daycare - to be there if my one year old wakes a night for a bottle.
I'd appreciate any advice.
Thanks
I need some advice on how to proceed with getting more time with my two boys.
Some background:
I have two boys - 3 1/2 and one. My ex wife and I separated a year ago. We sold our matrimonial home in July and we both now have our own homes - about 10 mins apart from eachother. We negotiated an separation agreement based on increasing access. From Sept to Jan, I have both boys for two evenings a week (4:30 - 7:30) and every other weekend (my three year spends friday through sunday evening while my one year old is with me friday 4:30 - 7:30 and then sat and sun 8:30 - 7:30 - no overnights). In January, I get to have two weeknights a month overnight with my 3yr old. In April, I get the saturday night of the weekend overnight with my 1yr old. Finally, in Sept 2011, both boys will be on the same schedule being two weeknights - one overnight and one not, and everyother weekend. It is a confusing schedule and was based on 1) my ex wife planning on breast feeding until 18 months and 2) my ex wife not wanting to give up her nights with my youngest. I had to work her down to this schedule. I also wanted joint custody and to avoid going to court. I did obtain joint custody in the agreement.
About three months have now passed and we have been going on with this schedule. However, my ex wife stopped breast feeding in August all together. This did not result in her giving me any overnights with the 1 yr old. Also, the transitions have been becoming hard on my 3 yr old. He wants to stay with me longer then a few hours on the weeknights and cries back at his mom's. He also doesn't understand why we sometimes drive his brother back to mommy's and he comes back home with me and sometimes he has to stay at mommy's. I've approached my ex wife verbally (we are on good terms) and have asked her if she would consider overnights with my 1 yr old sooner. She refused and said "she" wasn't ready. The other night, she asked me if I had any ideas to make the transition easier for my 3 yr old. I told her that I felt it would be better for the boys that when they are with me for the weeknights that they stay overnight and I drive them to daycare in the morning (I am just as close to daycare as she is and can get them there). I felt that instead of always doing drop off and pick up at her or my house, it would be easier if for the times i had them I picked them up at daycare and dropped them off the next morning and she picked them up in the afternoon. My ex responded that she wasn't comfortable with that idea. I asked why to which she said "it's not in our agreement and since I'm not comfortable with it, your suggestion is not an option." She said that she saw how my idea would benefit me. So basically there was no compromise.
What I would like for me to keep both my boys overnight the two weeknights I have them already and to have my one year old stay with my 3yr old overnight every other weekend. Now that my ex wife is not breastfeeding, I don't see why this isn't possible. As I mentioned, I purposely live as close as I can, I have a really nice house two storey townhome, the boys have their own room. I have a solid job and pay table amount child support. I pick them up from daycare the nights I have them and can get them there any morning. I want as they grow older to move to a more 50/50 split but recognise their young age. I don't think what I am asking for now is a lot and in fact believe it is better for the boys. I believe my ex is putting her own self interest first. I want to press the issue and move it forward and want to see if I am on sound footing - especially if I need to motion the court for a change.
What does everyone think? Is this reasonable? Can I motion amend the separation agreement since some of the circumstances have changed? Would a judge find this reasonable? I don't know what argument my ex would make in front of a judge against this? My boys love being with me and I miss them terribly. I just want to do normal things like put them to bed and get them ready for daycare - to be there if my one year old wakes a night for a bottle.
I'd appreciate any advice.
Thanks
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