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  • School Information

    If a parent is given a link to the school calendar and is forwarded report cards that has school contact information and teacher information on it. As well as teacher interview dates... Is that sufficient information? Dad is listed as dad at school. He can contact them anytime. And he went first day of school and met teachers. Is my due diligence done? Isn’t it up to dad now to make contact if he wishes to discuss the children with their teachers?


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  • #2
    I would say yes and no.


    Yes in that should he have any particular school concerns that he should contact the school to discuss them. That should he want to make appointments to speak to the teacher or attend anything on the calendar, then he should responsible for that.



    No, in that should you become aware of an issue at school outside of the matters like report cards, parent teacher meetings or stuff on the calendar etc., you should advise the ex of such matters. Same goes for him during his time. If he becomes aware of something at school that isn't on the calendar or a regular matter, then he should advise you.


    If you do advise of stuff like field trips, injuries or misbehavior leading to punishment at school, then I would say you are doing what should be done.

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    • #3
      Yes... if there is a bad day or a good day or something punishable I write an email to inform. Everything the school does or has is updated monthly on the calendar. And the meet the teacher date was on the report cards.

      I am in contact with the teacher as I am the primary residence and caregiver... so if something happens they call me right away. If it’s something important. I email dad.

      He seems to think I need to be his assistant and hand feed him all this information that really is at his finger tips. He claims he isn’t listed at the school. But I got a copy of the school registration where is shows he is.


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      • #4
        it is about the kids, so yes.... communicate with the father of your children!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
          Is that sufficient information?


          If the Dad were asking the question, I would answer, "go get the information yourself, don't rely on the mother to give you anything".


          But, since you are asking the question, my answer is "Just give the Dad the information, how on earth does it hurt you?"


          To phrase your question more accurately, you are wondering if you have the legal right to be a jerk to the dad. The answer is yes, yes you do.

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          • #6
            Ask yourself- are you overfunctioning? You're not married to him anymore- you don't need to help him.

            If he's capable of picking up a phone and doesn't have some crippling social anxiety- he can easily find out this information himself, yes?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Janus View Post
              I
              To phrase your question more accurately, you are wondering if you have the legal right to be a jerk to the dad. The answer is yes, yes you do.
              disagree. the question really is "am I obligated to help dad?"

              And I fail to see how anything she's said indicates she's being a jerk to dad.

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              • #8
                Mom 2 twos ex wants her to not only tell him but remind him, put it in his calendar for him, send him an email again and then possibly call him to make sure hes on his way. He tends to miss stuff because he is neglectful and then accuses her of not telling him.

                Theres a difference between giving him information and the ability to get the information AND spoon feeding him because he can’t get organized.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                  disagree. the question really is "am I obligated to help dad?"

                  Of course it was, I was being dramatic. We all know she has no obligation to help dad.

                  And I fail to see how anything she's said indicates she's being a jerk to dad.
                  We can surmise what is likely happening here. Dad is asking for some trivial information. Mom is saying "go get it yourself". Dad should be getting the information himself, and not asking Mom. Mom should just be giving him the information, even though she doesn't have to. Mom is coming here and asking if she legally has to give that information. Mom can give the information but is choosing not to.


                  Ergo... jerk.

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                  • #10
                    The difference is that they're in court right now, where I believe her ex is fighting for sole custody, so anything and everything will be used against her. Why not just send an email each time and avoid his claim that the school only wants to deal with her or he never knew. Once court is finished nobody will care about this stuff anymore and they'll be able to figure it out themselves.

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                    • #11
                      I supplied him with the information already.... I am a full time mom. I can’t be writing emails every day as to every little occurrence. Which mostly there is none. I sent report cards. I sent calendar link. He met teachers himself in first day. I send him notes of good and bad days. He has consents to contact anyone he needs to. Yet he still asks me for the information. I give him the information and the tools to get it himself and he still says I don’t provide him with anything.

                      When I try to say I was advised by said teacher or therapist to do a,b,c I get told by dad to have them contact dad themselves. Like the child’s therapist or teacher is not the go between for either of us. Like today hockey coach emails me saying dad hasn’t paid his share of tournament fees. She asked dad. Dad says to ask mom??? So she she asks me and i say I have an email from dad saying he is paying half. She says.” Dad says you didn’t respond to his email”. I’m sorry I didn’t know a response was needed. We both look like idiots. Especially him now. And now she said my kids are not welcome to play in her hockey league next year if she is forced to deal with dad anymore. ;-(.


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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                        I supplied him with the information already.... I am a full time mom. I can’t be writing emails every day as to every little occurrence. Which mostly there is none. I sent report cards. I sent calendar link. He met teachers himself in first day. I send him notes of good and bad days. He has consents to contact anyone he needs to. Yet he still asks me for the information. I give him the information and the tools to get it himself and he still says I don’t provide him with anything.
                        It's a control thing.

                        Dad wants you jumping every time he asks for something.

                        If you can afford it- just pay the stuff on dad's behalf. Yes, that's actually what he wants- BUT you win by your kid not looking like they have warring parents- and not having to talk to him.


                        Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                        He seems to think I need to be his assistant and hand feed him all this information that really is at his finger tips. He claims he isn’t listed at the school. But I got a copy of the school registration where is shows he is.


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                        My ex does the same shit with our toddler. He wants to know all kinds of information about her school and her doctors. To that- I send the link to where he can register for the parents portal- and the numbers to her doctors office.

                        That being said- after appointments- if he wasn't there- even routine ones- I always send an update on OFW saying what happened and next steps. I've provided him with all the emails for her doctors, and usually give him lots of notice of appointments coming up.

                        As to school- I don't bother. Unless it has to do with her health- I don't update him. At all. No parent teacher meetings, no school trips, nada...it's all sent (multiple times) via email and up on the Parent's Portal website. I did, however, send him a link to her preschool pictures though so he could order some if he wants. I felt pretty proud of myself for that.*




                        *I am joking. I felt smug.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                          The difference is that they're in court right now, where I believe her ex is fighting for sole custody, so anything and everything will be used against her. Why not just send an email each time and avoid his claim that the school only wants to deal with her or he never knew. Once court is finished nobody will care about this stuff anymore and they'll be able to figure it out themselves.


                          Right!! Except I have provided all I need to provide. I guess him putting in an email that I have not provided it makes him think that it’s true. It’s very frustrating. As it stands right now I still have sole custody. I do everything for those kids and I am a good mom. It’s great dad wants to be a dad after 5 years of doing the bare minimum. But it doesn’t mean the kids need to now live with him. And that I need to spoon feed him all this info. I spoon fed him before and it all went ignored. Now I stop enabling him and it will be used against me.


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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                            My ex does the same shit with our toddler. He wants to know all kinds of information about her school and her doctors. To that- I send the link to where he can register for the parents portal- and the numbers to her doctors office.



                            That being said- after appointments- if he wasn't there- even routine ones- I always send an update on OFW saying what happened and next steps. I've provided him with all the emails for her doctors, and usually give him lots of notice of appointments coming up.



                            As to school- I don't bother. Unless it has to do with her health- I don't update him. At all. No parent teacher meetings, no school trips, nada...it's all sent (multiple times) via email and up on the Parent's Portal website. I did, however, send him a link to her preschool pictures though so he could order some if he wants. I felt pretty proud of myself for that.*









                            *I am joking. I felt smug.


                            I do all of this. Invite him to appointments. Send him the photo registration. The report cards. Any papers I get I scan to him. Guess he missed the part on the report cards where it says the teachers names.


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                              I do all of this. Invite him to appointments. Send him the photo registration. The report cards. Any papers I get I scan to him. Guess he missed the part on the report cards where it says the teachers names.


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                              I get this- it's a balance of trying to show you're not gatekeeping- and you're welcoming, etc etc, bullshit bullshit bullshit. You're in the OCL process too, right? You want to make sure you're not viewed as shutting dad out.

                              But in reality- you're still over-functioning. If you're scanning shit to him? that's over-functioning. I was doing it too (let's be real- I'm still doing it)....you need to stop. Let him get the information.


                              My lawyer gave me some advice- "kill them with kindness when you speak to them...but don't help them". Unless helping him helps the kids- don't do it. If it doesn't help your kids- you don't need to do it.

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