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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 06-05-2018, 08:44 AM
Breezer Breezer is offline
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Default Seeking advice/experience with spousal support







My separation has beenongoing for several years, moving at a snails pace. We have figured our equalization payment. (Iowe my ex husband close to $300k because of my pension and buy out of house) Although it hurts, Iím not fighting thisportion. My ex husband was in a seriousaccident 4 years ago, when he came home 4 months later, it was obvious, wecould no longer live in same home. Hehad sustained severe head injury, not the same person. That said, he has been told that he is ofsound enough mind to negotiate this separation. My ex receives $4000 tax free monthly in disability benefits. His rent is $750 a month. I always said from the beginning I wouldforego child support if he would forego spousal. Last 4 years I have been single mom, 100% ofthe time to 2 teenage girls. They seetheir dad once or twice a month for very brief periods of time, but all theparenting is done by me. I pay foreverything. Yes, I have a decent salarythat I have worked very hard for for over 25 years. My ex was in and out of work all through ourmarriage. But it was always understoodthat both of us would work and contribute 50/50 to the household. I did majority of caregiving/cooking/cleaningeven when he was out of work. I havebeen taking care of house and all expenses, children, have had no extra moneyfor holidays for last 4 years plus Iíve been dealing with every aspect ofraising 2 teen daughters, which is not easy. My eldest is in uni but still lives at home. My youngest is graduating hs this spring andgoing away to college in the fall. Upuntil now, spousal and child support would have been mostly offset but with oneleaving I would owe him. We are going tomediation shortly. I am not fightingover equalization payment, but I cannot accept to pay him spousal support. Any insight/experience anyone can providewould be appreciated.






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Old 06-05-2018, 09:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezer View Post
My ex husband was in a seriousaccident 4 years ago, when he came home 4 months later, it was obvious, wecould no longer live in same home. Hehad sustained severe head injury, not the same person.


through sickness and health, 'til death do you part


Quote:
That said, he has been told that he is ofsound enough mind to negotiate this separation. My ex receives $4000 tax free monthly in disability benefits.


That is a fairly high level of benefits, are you sure he is competent? Make sure he has a lawyer, otherwise any agreement you sign is likely to be thrown out due to his incapacity.


Quote:
Yes, I have a decent salarythat I have worked very hard for for over 25 years.



What is that salary? It makes a difference is your salary is 70k, 300k, or 700k a year.


Quote:
My ex was in and out of work all through ourmarriage. But it was always understoodthat both of us would work and contribute 50/50 to the household.


It was probably also understood that you wouldn't dump him because he had an accident. Things change. You dumped him, he likely is contributing much less than 50%. What matters is the current situation.




Quote:
but I cannot accept to pay him spousal support. Any insight/experience anyone can providewould be appreciated.



If he has gone without SS for a while, then you can use that as an argument that he certainly has no need. Presumably his income was not impacted by your marriage, nor was yours increased by him staying home taking care of kidlets, assuming he didn't do that at all.


The argument for SS would almost certainly contractual with a tinge of need. Much of this would depend on your income. If you are making 700k a year, that's obviously going to be a tougher case to argue .

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Old 06-05-2018, 09:06 AM
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There are more senior members who know quiet a bit more than I do on here but from what I know, you are looking at an uphill battle for sure.

Even more so considering your husbands accident occurred during the marriage. If his condition prevents him from working, then its not unheard of for indefinite spousal support judgements. Couple that with the fact that your kids are almost of adult age. Assuming you make a substantial amount more than him, I would say he might have a better case for SS than you might have for him not to get it.

Last edited by cashcow4ex; 06-05-2018 at 09:17 AM.
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Old 06-05-2018, 09:26 AM
Breezer Breezer is offline
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Yes, he does have a lawyer. Early on in the process, we questioned his mental capacity and his lawyer said it was not an issue. We have this in writing. The decision to separate was mutual, the kids also put pressure on the separation because it was a very toxic environment with him in it. At the time he came home, they were 14 and 17. I couldn't leave with them and him at home for more than 5 mins without a call from the girls telling me I had to come home. He was very angry and the smallest detail would set him off. As soon as I left, he would try and start "parenting". He had no capacity to "parent" at that time and prior to the accident, he did NOT "parent". It took the girls almost 2 years after to start spending a little bit of time alone with him. Even now, most of the time spent with him is with his family around. 6 months following the accident, the social worker on the case confided in me that he probably should have never come home after the hospital as he did not have the capacity to be in a family setting.


My salary is $105k. It's adequate but after house, kids, bills, pets etc...it's all spoken for. I was left to take care of everything but with absolutely no support, either emotionally or physically.


He apparently is also taking money out of his RRSPs, which I don't understand. The fact that he can't manage on his $4000, I don't understand. Especially when he pays $750 for a house in the Glebe (this is through family) and a car his brother lends him. Oh, did I mention season tickets to Red/Blacks and Senators?
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Old 06-05-2018, 11:38 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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I am in the same situation as you exactly but mine still gets paid from work and cpp and disability so we actually bring home the same amount monthly but his T4 states 30k less. What kind of accident? Is there any compensation for your ex through insurance or lawsuit? Mine cries poor but lives better than I do. I understand what you are going through. I don't think I will have to pay him SS since I will give him more in equalization.
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Old 06-05-2018, 04:10 PM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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Does he receive CPP disability benefits? He may not qualify but perhaps. If he does qualify your children would receive benefits as well. Mine receives them but hoards them to himself instead of applying it to their future and RESP. My 18 yr old now gets them in his name $300 a month. Has he been deemed catastrophically injured by the govt? He doesn't qualify for ODSP. I would think any judge or your own lawyer would argue that $4000 a month after taxes is more than enough for a single man to live off of. Does his disability require treatment ie. psych, physio, wheelchair or ramps etc. If you get benefits you could make a deal that you keep him on your benefits. He is also getting $300,000 for him to invest or buy a place so that is equity as well. He isn't left penniless. If you make 105k per year your annual take home is probably only 10-12k more than him. 2 kids full time with no financial help....Just because he is injured doesn't make it right that you need to support him. If he stayed home for the last 20 years in order for you to advance your career he would have an argument but your annual salary isn't mean to be a supplement to someone with a disability when they are receiving an income. This wouldnt be much of a fight in court I wouldn't think. Is this just him asking and demanding or threatening you?
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezer View Post
My eldest is in uni but still lives at home. My youngest is graduating hs this spring andgoing away to college in the fall. Upuntil now, spousal and child support would have been mostly offset but with oneleaving I would owe him. We are going tomediation shortly. I am not fightingover equalization payment, but I cannot accept to pay him spousal support. Any insight/experience anyone can providewould be appreciated.

Several observations about this:


You can't forgo CS. It is the right of the child to be supported by both parents.



If you have been offsetting CS and SS and calling it a wash up to now, then you have already accepted that he is entitled to SS. You have set a precedent. You can't just stop paying the SS because the CS he pays you is now dropping.


If both kids are still in school and not working, then CS should continue. Or depending how you calculate it, instead of paying the same CS to you, he'd be paying you increased s7 expenses for the child living away.



And lastly, you loved him and said you would support him in sickness and in health. He didn't ask for this accident and severe brain injury. He didn't made a conscious choice to become an angry jerk and trigger a separation. He wasn't deceiving you about his true personality and trying to take advantage of you.


I get that he's not the man you married any more. I get that you don't want to support him and it rankles that you have to do fair equalization, especially since it sounds like he didn't really pull his own weight before his accident. But your emotions are irrelevant. The fact that his family helps him with rent and transportation is irrelevant.


He has an income, through disability, work benefits, whatever. Find out what the amount is from his tax return, or impute it to a more appropriate amount if taxes make that amount inaccurate. Find out how it compares to yours, and if there is an entitlement to SS. If his disability compensation is meant to be income replacement, maybe SS wouldn't be high, or there at all. Find out what his CS amount is. Keep equalization, SS and CS separate. Leave the emotion out of it, and do the math.
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