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Petty Behaviours

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  • #1
    My husband’s ex would have the kids tell him how sad they were that they couldn’t participate in an activity. Or send him a list of gift ideas of what they wanted him to buy not what the kids wanted.

    There was also a lot of mind games. Like guilting him with comments or turning things around on him to make him look bad.

    There were also instances where she would go after me in comments like how awkward it would be for them to come visit now that I lived there. Or comments about how my husband only cared about my family and not his kids. It was really disgusting and caused a lot of anxiety for us.

    My personal fave was when she bitched about how we didn’t invite the kids to our wedding. Neither one of them had been speaking to us and both had been incredibly rude to us beforehand.

    Someone on here years ago posted a great statement about sucking and blowing. This describes my husband’s ex perfectly.


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    • #2
      I have so many. However I'm not sure if I can relay them because it would ruin any anonymity I have on this forum; her petty behaviours are some of my favourite stories to tell in real life.

      Some more general ones that I can share:

      1) If we had in person exchanges, they took place at a specific parking lot. She would arrive early and keep the kids in the car until the very second that the transfer was supposed to take place. She would even do this if I parked right next to her.

      2) If a kid was sick and sleeping, but her parenting time was starting, she would show up at the house and demand that I wake up the kid because my parenting time was over.

      3) When I called a kid on her birthday, she said I could talk for 3 minutes. 180 seconds later on the dot she hung up the phone.

      4) Any uneaten food in the kid's lunches would be used for lunch the day the kids came back to me. Since it was often unpalatable by that point, the kids would usually come home from school absolutely starving.

      I don't get angry easily, but it used to upset me when her actions would hurt the kids. I just kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do, and as long as she wasn't causing permanent damage, it would pass.

      Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.

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      • #3
        On one of his supervised access visits my ex’s relatives( he was too cheap and never would have spent money on her) bought one of our children a stuffed hyena at the zoo which she loved ( she was 9). She wanted to take it home and he said no. She packed it in her overnight bag with her clothes. He went through her bag and removed it when she wasn’t looking. When she got home and went to show it to me she discovered it was missing and became hysterical. She knew her dad had gone through her bag and taken it.

        He also recorded any phone calls the kids made to me. The children also reported that his siblings would listen from behind the door when they called me.

        One of the kids were angry with him and said they wanted to change their last name to my maiden name. He cursed this child out in front of his relatives who were supervising the visit and told the child he never wanted to see them again to teach them a lesson.

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        • #4
          Originally posted by Janus View Post
          Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.
          A key point everyone should keep in mind. Children grow up, move out and have their own lives. The hardest years are from 0-8 from what I observe with parents. After that kids start to take care of themselves.

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          • #5
            Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
            Agreed with Janus, it only upsets me when it negatively impacts kids. Otherwise, I tack it on as her showing her true colours as immature, petty and vindictive.
            If you ignore it they will get bored eventually and stop. In every situation I have observed / helped with for the past 14 years... 99.9% of the nonsense self stops. In the 0.1% case the court stops it and awards sole custody and majority access.

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            • #6
              I was part of that 0.01. Unfortuantely, they get really mad and find reasons to bring you back to court unnecessarily. I can't even believe the court entertains half this nonsense.

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              • #7
                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                I have so many. However I'm not sure if I can relay them because it would ruin any anonymity I have on this forum; her petty behaviours are some of my favourite stories to tell in real life.

                Some more general ones that I can share:

                1) If we had in person exchanges, they took place at a specific parking lot. She would arrive early and keep the kids in the car until the very second that the transfer was supposed to take place. She would even do this if I parked right next to her.

                2) If a kid was sick and sleeping, but her parenting time was starting, she would show up at the house and demand that I wake up the kid because my parenting time was over.

                3) When I called a kid on her birthday, she said I could talk for 3 minutes. 180 seconds later on the dot she hung up the phone.

                4) Any uneaten food in the kid's lunches would be used for lunch the day the kids came back to me. Since it was often unpalatable by that point, the kids would usually come home from school absolutely starving.

                I don't get angry easily, but it used to upset me when her actions would hurt the kids. I just kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do, and as long as she wasn't causing permanent damage, it would pass.

                Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.

                Would love some coping strategies you developed over the years to overcome this personally. Any mantras or outlooks that would be useful. I am in a similar boat, and can take all the insults aimed at my, but when it comes to the kids being hurt/used as pawns it really gets to me.

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                • #8
                  This is a no-brainer as petty behaviour and likely involved in 90% of breakups, but I would say for me it is:

                  1- The inevitable competition for best birthday and Christmas gifts.
                  2- Criticizing me just being a great dad. Whether it be because I buy random treats because I thought of kids while shopping, or because I want to be involved and engaged. Instead, I am made to feel guilty for being an actively involved parent. It actually drives my ex nuts.

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                  • #9
                    I forgot to add that my husbands kids would give him regifted things. One year it was a game with the clearance sticker ($5) still attached. Ditto for their grandparents. Meanwhile he would spend hundreds on them for their birthdays, christmas and on visits. He never even got a thank you!!


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                    • #10
                      Another one for me is when ex “pretends” that they did not receive text or email.

                      I was married to my ex, and know that she is “glued” to her phone, so pretending that she never received or saw text is just lame. Watching my ex make excuses when I ask in person if they got my text is just comical. What a terrible liar.

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                      • #11
                        My favorite is the trading of time and the exactness down to the minute from the ex...

                        I will trade Saturday from 10am to Sunday at 9:45 (23.75 hours) for Monday after school to Tuesday Morning (4pm to 8am -20 hours ) and then I'll drop off 3 hours later on the next Sunday and you were 15 minutes late 2 times so then we are even.

                        Its all about the quality of time with the kids - not the exact minutes they spend with each parent.

                        Ridiculous.

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                        • #12
                          Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                          I think people watch too much TV and say "See you in court!". Newsflash: The court does not want to see you. Handle it yourself.
                          Bingo and a wise observation. The court does not want to see you.

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                          • #13
                            I have a few....


                            Ex told me that it was "nice of us to invite child on our vacations". Like child was some random person.


                            Being sent receipts for activities as notice instead of discussing the costs/activities with me. I ended up refusing to pay for anything that wasn't discussed in advance and she simply stopped sending receipts. Like she'd rather pay for them herself than discuss something with me. Oh, and I'd constantly get receipts for literally 70% of anything that was child related. 70% of a $10 activity. Most of which went ignored as I was paying between 800-1000 in support every month.


                            Child hadn't been living at home for 3 months before she turned 19, and 3 months after child turned 19, she sent in a doctors note to support enforcement and they re-started the support payments with arrears. Luckily I had some documentation proving child was not living at home and they closed the account and canceled the arrears. Apparently bringing her groceries once a week warranted full table support from me.

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                            • #14
                              My ex, when he was actually on semi speaking terms with the youngest child, told her he had sent x dollars to me for her birthday present and to go to town with it. The amount he quoted her was the exact amount he pays monthly for child support. He never sent any extra money for her birthday and I had to explain to the poor kid that the amount he quoted was what he paid for child support but he had not sent any other money in that amount for her birthday. She was livid with him for lying to her. He pulled the same bs with our 18 year old son at one Christmas who lost even more respect for him as a result.
                              Last edited by Stillbreathing; 03-31-2021, 09:47 PM.

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                              • #15
                                This one is just weird: dad refuses to put child in 'fresh' clothes for pickup. Will pickup child from school and will put on school uniform to go home. I've sent a fresh change of clothes in her backpack....but nope. School uniform has to go back on. Child (4) is not allowed to bring any toys from Dad's house with her. Everything has to stay there. I guess it's fine? Just petty.

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