Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

New gf with kid moving in, do we split the living costs?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    ...I'll move in and just bye groceries... I'll even cook for you and your g/f when she comes over

    LOL

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      ...and she wants half the house because you REALIZE you that the house you live in becomes the matrimonial residence and will be split 50/50 as long as she lives with you for at least 2 years...
      This, in Ontario, I'm not sure about.
      Even if they become common-law, she would have no right to his property (house), unless she was put on the title. But maybe that is where the co-mingling of money, towards the mortgage would apply? But then why do people caution about not putting your money towards a home, unless you're on title too? (it's different if you're married though) Maybe someone with more knowledge can chime in on this part.

      Comment


      • #18
        If I were a conniving individual I would generously offer to cut a cheque every month for 50% of the mortgage payment and 1/2 of the utilities (heck I'd offer to pay the mortgage company directly). I'd then make sure that, from time to time I'd do some painting, landscaping on the property. I'd make sure that your friends were aware of my "paying my own way" as well.....

        I'd also offer to open up a joint account with you for "household bills"

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
          Go to a forum.mensdivorce.com and ask there...

          Seriously, kick her the *** out, and just do the booty calls and that's it.

          I can't wait till you come back saying umm... My GF is trying to get me for in loco parentis and she wants half the house because you REALIZE you that the house you live in becomes the matrimonial residence and will be split 50/50 as long as she lives with you for at least 2 years.....


          I CANT BELIEVE THIS..... If I didn't live in Quebec I would never share my home with a woman who didn't make way more money than me....

          This isnt really fair and this attitude is having a big impact on my relationship currently.

          I owned a home and sold it. I make more money than my partner and he knows it. I gave up my independence to be a part of a life with someone else. His ex wife is a psycho who abused him. He would have stayed with her. All of the nasty things she did have stayed with him and are now having an impact on his trust.

          Not all women are gold digging bitches. Some of us want a happy life. Stop putting this shit on other people.

          Comment


          • #20
            When my girlfriend moved in, I wasn't too far along in the separation process from my ex wife, so I was very leery of her moving in, having been exposed first hand to just how brutal the financial aspect of divorce can be, especially in regards to the marital home.

            I paid all my own bills and mortgage. When she moved in, we established the habit that my money deals with all household finances, whereas her money paid for anything fun. Any meals out/ordered in, dates, toys for the kids, trips etc are covered by her. It definitely has its downsides, especially in that I can feel like a cheapskate when we go out and have her pay for everything.

            We've done this for several years now, and it continues now just out of convencience, as its simpler than splitting up bills and sending money back and forth to each other. It served well for giving me peace of mind, as I felt like I was doing something to try and protect myself from having my assets divvied up yet again in the future. Though I rather doubt it protected me in any way legally, at least not now that we've been together for a few years.

            In answer to your specific questions... Is it fair to ask her to contribute to the expenses for the household she is a part of? Absolutely. Equal share? Potentially, depending on the differences in your income.

            Comment


            • #21
              I actually agree with Links. She is a newgirlfriend and she is moving in? Unless the relationship is older than 6 months and I am being generous as it should be a year at the very least, I am asvising you to end this.

              Never mind about her putting time and money into your house, which of course she will and then claim some financial gain for it. But, also when she becomes pregnant you are now common law and sure you are acting as a parent to her child so you will be on the hook for CS as well


              Seriously, no women, with a child, moves out of their home and into someone else's without an agenda.

              You could likely be her money tree at the end of the garden! Your garden!

              Comment


              • #22
                Maybe I'm still an old fashioned romantic, but there is still the possibility that they are truly in love and since her condo is maybe too small for all of them, his house fits the bill better for their "blended" family. I do think she should be paying a fair share of expenses, even if not necessarily exactly half.

                Not sure there is necessarily some kind of ulterior motive. I'm sure that may be the case sometimes, but I don't think there has to be an agenda to move in with someone else.

                Comment


                • #23
                  First part of poster's thread he said "We had briefly talked about and I had said she would help pay the mortgage as well the utilities. She mentioned she would be willing to pay for the groceries. I said I will see how that goes."

                  My summary is that he's already been "had" and has quite willingly agreed to support her.

                  ...one born every minute.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    Some of us want a happy life.
                    That's the problem....

                    If you want a "happy" life - sometimes cheating on your spouse, living off alimony and banging guys left-right-centre while neglecting your responsibilities will make you happy in the short term.

                    Being happy can't be a "goal"... Being good, fair and right is the priority - being happy is a symptom of that.

                    Are all women gold-digging bitches? - No definitely not - there must be at least one .

                    But every women can potentially rob me blind through the state - so every man should understand family law and protect themselves because they pay and women gain 95% of the time. Women can just blindly go through life and the state will "protect" them, not the same for men.

                    After 10 years of the crap you put up with you'll make excuses that you "wasted 10 years" with your ex and you'll want to take him from what he's worth etc.... (not you specifically, but any woman) power corrupts and as long as a woman has the power to take 50% of a man's revenue there will be women who try to (and men too in the 1% of situations).

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I can tell you what my bf and I are doing when we move in together. We both own houses but he is selling his and moving into mine. Still the same distance to work for him and if I moved into his it would add about half an hour (more if there is an accident or bad rush hour) to my drive. Plus he likes my area better then his.

                      When he moves in he will help with groceries and utilities plus do the outside work for me. He will be the money that he is saving not paying for a mortgage to pay off his line of credit. When that is paid off we are selling my house and looking for a house to buy together. That way it isn't my house or his house it will be our house.

                      we will be having an agreement drawn up before we do move in together and updated later to reflect who put what down as a down payment on the house we buy together.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Very wise of you to get everything in writing which shows a maturity of judgement, particularly in that you have even contemplated updating the agreement as necessary. Too often people don't have frank discussions prior these major decisions being made and find themselves posters on ODF looking for ways to end the financial bleeding.

                        Sounds like you and your pool boy (LOL) have covered all your bases.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          In response to "what has worked for others"

                          My significant other (actually my husband) pays "rent". Fortunately he did not have a house or children so we were able to take exactly what it cost him to live and he pay that to me as "rent". The plus side for him is that he gets to live in a place that is much better then the rental place but down side he is not gaining any equity. He has other assets that are gaining equity that I have no benefit from.

                          A couple concerning things is that these conversations should really happen prior to living together. We didn't live together until we were married and a very specific prenup was drawn and signed. Would it stand in court -NO, I know that. The intent and how couples react and make it through that show the real character. The offer of paying groceries by your NEW GF is very very concerning. She knows how much it costs to live and she sounds like a person with the attitude that you should support the family unit primarily.

                          I would seriously proceed with caution. I would not put any bills, mortgages, insurance etc..in her name until you test these waters for a few years. You have small kids I really hope you both have thoroughly thought this through before putting these kids through your testing grounds.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            That's the problem....

                            If you want a "happy" life - sometimes cheating on your spouse, living off alimony and banging guys left-right-centre while neglecting your responsibilities will make you happy in the short term.

                            Being happy can't be a "goal"... Being good, fair and right is the priority - being happy is a symptom of that.

                            Are all women gold-digging bitches? - No definitely not - there must be at least one .

                            But every women can potentially rob me blind through the state - so every man should understand family law and protect themselves because they pay and women gain 95% of the time. Women can just blindly go through life and the state will "protect" them, not the same for men.

                            After 10 years of the crap you put up with you'll make excuses that you "wasted 10 years" with your ex and you'll want to take him from what he's worth etc.... (not you specifically, but any woman) power corrupts and as long as a woman has the power to take 50% of a man's revenue there will be women who try to (and men too in the 1% of situations).
                            How about we stop using the terms 'man' and 'woman' and start using 'higher' and 'lower income earner'. I'm a woman and my ex tried to take me to the cleaners as well. Goes BOTH WAYS.

                            My situation is different because I own half our house, but my partner and I have a joint account that we each contribute a set amount to every paycheck for all household bills - including groceries. Anything above that amount is our own to do with whatever we want. Mine goes to child support ;( Lucky me.
                            Last edited by HappyMomma; 02-04-2016, 09:53 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I have always contributed far more to the bills than my husband regardless of who was the higher earner, and that has swung back and forth over the years depending on circumstances.

                              My big downfall was not enforcing a sense of responsibility and fair contributions from him right from the get go, and it's pretty hard later on to say, well I know I took care of the bills before, but now you need to shape up. I basically enabled the behavior and now have to take my share of the blame for our current difficulties.

                              I highly recommend having honest discussions about finances and obligations prior to moving in together.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Or just buy a semi with connecting doors!

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X