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  • Stepchild primary care and control issue.

    I have an interem order for primary care and control of 16 year old step daughter and 7 year old daughter.
    16 year old stayed with me for quite a while, I had trouble trying my best to keep her in school and to co-operate with me and the nanny, she does not talk to her mom as they immediately fight and her mom totally demeans her like you would not imagine ever a mother would do...but the 16 year olds grandmother always brainwashes the kids to hate me and their mom, and finally when the grandmother got word the 16 year old wanted to move 10 hours away with her 19yr old boyfriend, the grandmother bought her a one way plane ticket, now the 16 yr old is all moved out of the house and school of course and gone.
    I would let her move back if something happened, even though I have been told by a few people not to, and to let her learn life now before its too late, I believe she is too young and vulnerable for leaving her on her own.
    I know you only have one side of the story but the grandmother is somewhat evil and loves this stuff.

    Am I liable for anything she does now that she is moved out? I notified the mother of course, but not the biological father as I have no idea where he is and the child has had nothing to do with her since she was 10.

    Should I be notifying anyone about this, I know its not my fault, but it seems weird to just let a 16 yr old out into the world especially with no education, I still have contact with her by smart phone.

    Would be nice to keep the grandmother away from the younger one...nothing against grandmothers of course...just this one!

  • #2
    Sorry to hear about it. I wonder if you should report it to the police? She has removed herself from your care and control so hopefully you wouldn't be liable but I would find out for sure.

    I take it if you are getting CS for that child that you have notified the mother that as of a certain date the child is no longer under your care and control so she doesn't have to pay cs for her?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
      Sorry to hear about it. I wonder if you should report it to the police? She has removed herself from your care and control so hopefully you wouldn't be liable but I would find out for sure.

      I take it if you are getting CS for that child that you have notified the mother that as of a certain date the child is no longer under your care and control so she doesn't have to pay cs for her?
      I will definetly phone the police as soon as I feel she might be in trouble of ANY sort. Child support, I did not file for it, the ex left and had no interest for quite a while, claimed bankruptcy, etc, I figured going after her for child support would make her endup losing her licence, the she would never be able to meet me half way to exchange the kid/kids even though she takes them maybe once every 2 maybe 3 months.
      I am thinking of going for child support for the younger child soon now that the stbx is or should be back on her feet, and she spend her extra money on vacations anyways heh...
      I am almost close to fully quiting the nice guy thing....just don't want the young girl to be affected, so keeping it as smooth as I can.
      I thought if she got raped at a party heaven forbid...or drunk and walked out in the -20 and passed out and died....would I be in jail for child neglect or something after that happened is what I do not want, would be bad enough dealing with her getting hurt.
      One of these days hopefully the lawyer will cal me bac and I can ask him.

      Comment


      • #4
        The stepdaughter is 16 (underage) and she is now living with a 19 year old (adult) who is her boyfriend? If she were a couple of years older, there would be nothing you could do, but at 16 she is still not legally responsible for herself. You are her guardian. I suggest you call Children's Aid and ask what they recommend in this situation - a minor child who has run away. There may be nothing at all you can do, but at least you can get some advice. Her young age worries me.

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        • #5
          It is doubtful that anything can be done. My wife left home at 16 and was living on her own. Her sister left home at 12. When my wife left parents didn't try to stop her and she was even able to get social assistance to help her until she finished school. When the 12 year old left her parents tried to get her back home but police and CAS said there was nothing they could do as she had an adult willing to have her live there. She came home again later but then left again permanently at 15.

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          • #6
            Welcome to the world of absent fathers and broken homes

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Links17 View Post
              Welcome to the world of absent fathers and broken homes
              Ok....I feel more welcome to the world of absent mothers and broken homes heh.

              But thanks for the welcome anyways!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by undersc0re View Post
                I will definetly phone the police as soon as I feel she might be in trouble of ANY sort. Child support, I did not file for it, the ex left and had no interest for quite a while, claimed bankruptcy, etc, I figured going after her for child support would make her endup losing her licence, the she would never be able to meet me half way to exchange the kid/kids even though she takes them maybe once every 2 maybe 3 months.
                I am thinking of going for child support for the younger child soon now that the stbx is or should be back on her feet, and she spend her extra money on vacations anyways heh...
                I am almost close to fully quiting the nice guy thing....just don't want the young girl to be affected, so keeping it as smooth as I can.
                I thought if she got raped at a party heaven forbid...or drunk and walked out in the -20 and passed out and died....would I be in jail for child neglect or something after that happened is what I do not want, would be bad enough dealing with her getting hurt.
                One of these days hopefully the lawyer will cal me bac and I can ask him.
                I don't think so. The 20 year old is considered an adult and she removed herself from your care and into his.

                Not to make light of if but those worries you have, she can do that under your care also. Does she have any street smarts at all? I just hope she sees the light and comes back to your place.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  I don't think so. The 20 year old is considered an adult and she removed herself from your care and into his.

                  Not to make light of if but those worries you have, she can do that under your care also. Does she have any street smarts at all? I just hope she sees the light and comes back to your place.
                  Ok, so the 19 year old is responsible for her in this situation? I am not sure if by 20 year old you meant 19....I sent an email to my cfs worker to clarify my situation with this, maybe she can give me some definite answers.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by undersc0re View Post
                    Ok, so the 19 year old is responsible for her in this situation? I am not sure if by 20 year old you meant 19....I sent an email to my cfs worker to clarify my situation with this, maybe she can give me some definite answers.
                    opps yes meant the 20 year old. That would be my take on it..not necessarily the law, just my opnion.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Cfs woman says that I am the legal guardian and should be communicating with her and provide her with care and some control if needed, or report anything serious to the police, if she calls wanting to come home because its not working out, I am responsible for paying to bring her back. As for her being there, she says there is no sense forcing her back if she is just gonna leave again, she danced around the questions of whether I would be responsible for anything happening to her, and kept saying I should be keeping in touch regularly and making sure she is ok. So it sounds negative but I know they will end up fighting, and I will get a phone call and now I will be driving 9 hours to pick her up all the while the ex mother in law is laughing heh.
                      I guess I am safe with my due diligence, and hopefully she is fine and calls for help before doing anything crazy!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Ex-motherinlaw has filed application to obtain order registered and served it to me in person, basically wants to see 7 year old grandchild as much as possible it says, and then it says including one overnight every second weekend and one day after school until after dinner per week.

                        I will have to respond, is it best to see a lawyer or should I just file a response refusing any and all visitation to the 7 year old. Originally I allowed her to see her in a public environment for the day somewhere and then meet up later to pick her up but she freaked and argued with me to let her drive her wherevere and have a sleepover until it came to me saying if thats what you want then you can not see her. She has major pill issues, sleeps all day, gives kids double doses of cold medicine so they go to sleep cause she used to be a nurse and knows its ok lol very violent and quick changing behaviour, not to mention bad mouths everyone and anyone has no friends and is outright crazy. I don't want my 7 year old to be exposed to her any more than I have to let her....
                        Should I file a basic response saying I refuse any visitation and keep it simple until court, is family court going to cost me money and I should ask her for legal/court costs and missing work associated to this just wondering how I should respond. I assume a response should be very simple, but I don't want to mess it up if I should put in I refuse contact because of the grandmothers violent behaviour and past relationships confrontations between the grandmother and other family memebers including the older grandchild.

                        Its my daughter and I firmly believe contact with her grandmother is very very wrong! I have shared custody with primary care and control, the mother sees her children very rarely. I will fight a fight if its worth fighting but would like to know the best way to do it.

                        It might look worse that I am defending, or that fact that she states I outright refuse contact.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I would respond and say that it is your ex's responsibility to facilitate visits within her family. If she wishes to see the child she needs to speak to her daughter regarding it.

                          A little story about Grandparents. I lady I know was very close to her son, his wife and grandson. Her son was killed in a hit and run. After her son's death, her DIL went on and found a new partner. Her DIL ended up cutting ties with her late husband's family. This lady attempted CAS, the police and court but it was basically told to her that she has no right to access unless the mother is willing to allow access.

                          It wasn't until CAS was contacted for a different reason that they contacted her and asked her to take care of her grandson while they investigated a situation. She had her grandson for over a month. CAS ended up placing stipulations and somehow Grandma went to court and was able to get a court order for access. All this happened because the mother messed up big time and the school called CAS. If the mother never screwed up who knows is she would have ever seen her grandson again.

                          I understand about bad grandparents. My fiance's Dad and wife are not good people. He has cut alll ties with his Dad and that includes him seeing the kids. It's been since xmas basically since they saw them last. Sometimes it's best not to have children exposed to those types of people.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I did not believe in my wildest dreams growing up that a little old lady could be so evil....I am quite naive and quiet and hope problems will resolve themselves, in my current situation my personality is not the best. I will just respond this week without a lawyers advice, i will just say as a very responsible caring parent and only real parent in her life, my opinion is to do my best to limit exposure to such a person the best I can, and that it is not my responibility to arrange inlaw visits with my child, I am just doing what I feel is best as her parent.

                            I guess if I have to go to court I will just put together evidence that shows she is a very very bad influence for my childs well being, what my ex does with our daughter on her time is her decision, I am sure the grandmother will beg and pay the exwife to take the grandchild instead of the mother since the mother will only see her kids every 3 months on average.

                            Can I use past situations of any sort, do I need witnesses, video, audio, emails, texts etc. Its such a simple matter, I don't want it to cost a lot in lost wages and court fees etc. I have no idea how to present evidence in court or present anything when I go other than to state my stance and tell the judge I have evidence to support my opinion.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Is the following still applicable(second paragraph) and is it applicable in British Columbia? The grandmother is going for an access order and want some serious access time but is doing it more for vengance against me...really If the lady was ok...big deal I would allow it but I will do my best to restrict her access during my time because she is outright crazy...and would love to make my life difficult via headgames with the granddaughter....can't really say she would cause major damage other than double dosing cold medicine so she sleeps in, as the grandma sleeps till 200-300 pm. Not to mention the rash she came back with last time. I assume she is asking for a lot of time in hopes for half of it.....her relationship in last couple years with grand daughter has been really bad or none at all. I know that in the court room all that would matter is hard evidence and maybe the ruling I posted below....I never lie, but I know she will lie exaggerate and cry and do what she can to play poor innocent little old lady, which she is not. She is just damn good at it though, she has practised it her whole life. Is there another major decision I could use in BC against the mother inlaw in this case? She is starting a relationship again with her daughter(my ex) but is maintaining that a poor relationship with her daughter is disrupting her ability to have and maintain a relationship with my 7 year old daughter. I just really am concerned about the impressionable years, she is now a smart little girl and will figure her out in 4 or 5 years.


                              The decision used by the courts reflects the Chapman vs Chapman case where the "parental autonomy" and the "pro-contact" approach is used in all decisions. The principles in the Chapman case say that the courts should generally defer to a parent's decisions about grandparent access unless all three following questions are answered in the affirmative.
                              Does a positive grandparent-grandchild relationship already exist?
                              Has the parent's decision imperiled the positive grandparent-grandchild relationship?
                              Has the parent acted arbitrarily?
                              Last edited by undersc0re; 05-17-2015, 08:55 PM.

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