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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:20 AM
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Default Wait for court to produce proof?

Great site, been lurking since summer '13. Found most answers to my questions through searching the forum.

I'm a third party to a messy divorce and based on my username you can probably tell who's side I'm on

Anyway, it's been a few years since this couple separated, tens of thousands of dollars have been wasted with nothing to show for it. No disclosure of income on Hubby's part, no equilization of assets because they can't agree who paid for what, what is inheritance, what is paid for by business, I don't even think they have been officially divorced yet; and it looks like it is heading to court with another large dollar figure in lawyer fees coming their way.

Currently, Hubby and Wife are trying to mediate the equilization of their assets/liabilities through emails. Hubby's recollection of who paid for what is inaccurate. Wife has actual receipts/checks/statements which proves her side of story.

My question is should Wife show her ex-Hubby the proof now and continue to mediate with him. Or, should she hold her cards close to her vest and produce these documents later in front of a judge? Her thinking is that they are going to end up in court inevitably so why not keep the proof secret so that the judge can call him out on his b.s.

The reason it will inevitably go to court is b/c Hubby's lawyer is threatening to file a motion to have his child support payments reduced based on his new income.

Thanks for all feedback
  #2  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:30 AM
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In my opinion, in order to facilitate settlement and resolution, all financial information should be exchanged. The woman can play a game of cat and mouse but she will eventually likely be ordered to produce full financial disclosure so why not cut-to-the chase and do it now?

You can't just spring things in front of judges. If you try that tactic then there will be delays and you risk the judge ruling the information as inadmissible. Perhaps read up on your province's Rules of Court.

People's friends/current love interests should of course keep themselves clear of this couple's divorce issues in my opinion. It would be more useful to encourage the couple to get together and settle if possible.
  #3  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadBeatDouchebagDad View Post
...I'm a third party to a messy divorce and based on my username you can probably tell who's side I'm on ...
My advice...

You're a third-party. You should stay out of it. You should tell your girlfriend/new partner/whatnot, to ask her own questions, if she wants advice, as that would produce more accurate information. Given your initial description, if they have spent this much money, with no real movement on the issues, it sounds like they are both at fault for this.

Regarding your "username"...I hope you only project your feelings about the child(ren)'s Dad, anonymously, on some random Internet forum, and not in other ways. Again, you're a third party.
  #4  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
In my opinion, in order to facilitate settlement and resolution, all financial information should be exchanged. The woman can play a game of cat and mouse but she will eventually likely be ordered to produce full financial disclosure so why not cut-to-the chase and do it now?

You can't just spring things in front of judges. If you try that tactic then there will be delays and you risk the judge ruling the information as inadmissible. Perhaps read up on your province's Rules of Court.

People's friends/current love interests should of course keep themselves clear of this couple's divorce issues in my opinion. It would be more useful to encourage the couple to get together and settle if possible.

Agree on both counts. I don't let myself get involved in their negociations and I do think Wife should disclose everything now.
  #5  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:36 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
I'm a third party to a messy divorce...
What does this mean? That you're interfering in a difficult marriage dissolution between two people who clearly don't need you to make things worse? My first suggestion...whatever your relationship with whomever is, learn how to offer support without increasing conflict.

Quote:
...and based on my username you can probably tell who's side I'm on
Your username shows that you should stop interfering. You are clearly conflict driven and that makes the entire situation worse. If you care about whomever you're involved with or related to...have some sense and leave these two people to end their marriage without your butting in.

I truly hope that you don't demean this father to his children in the same vein you show here. That is abusive.

Quote:
My question is should Wife show her ex-Hubby the proof now and continue to mediate with him. Or, should she hold her cards close to her vest and produce these documents later in front of a judge? Her thinking is that they are going to end up in court inevitably so why not keep the proof secret so that the judge can call him out on his b.s.
Are you kidding?!? Why on earth would she keep secrets and not try to mediate? The judge would be more likely to call her out being that she's clearly an HC and trying to pushing to litigation when there's a chance at mediation. Do you know how much litigation costs???

That you're egging that on tells me that Stupid likes company.

Quote:
The reason it will inevitably go to court is b/c Hubby's lawyer is threatening to file a motion to have his child support payments reduced based on his new income.
So? If he has proof of new income, its perfectly reasonable for him to ask for a reduction. If she has proof of something else, then show it to him and try to mediate it out. WTF, why make it into a war and litigation if it can be avoided?


Congratulations for what's probably going to be stupidest HC post of the day.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 12-11-2013 at 10:39 AM.
  #6  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
My advice...

1- You're a third-party. You should stay out of it. You should tell your girlfriend/new partner/whatnot, to ask her own questions, if she wants advice, as that would produce more accurate information.

2- Given your initial description, if they have spent this much money, with no real movement on the issues, it sounds like they are both at fault for this.

3 -Regarding your "username"...I hope you only project your feelings about the child(ren)'s Dad, anonymously, on some random Internet forum, and not in other ways. Again, you're a third party.
1- She asks me questions all the time and I know nothing about divorce. Which is why I go online to see what sort of advice I can get from a resource like ottawadivorce. There are lawyers here and people who have been there before.
2- Yeah, but mostly him.
3- It's just a username. Don't read too much into it.
  #7  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
1-What does this mean? That you're interfering in a difficult marriage dissolution between two people who clearly don't need you to make things worse? My first suggestion...whatever your relationship with whomever is, learn how to offer support without increasing conflict.

2-Your username shows that you should stop interfering. You are clearly conflict driven and that makes the entire situation worse. If you care about whomever you're involved with or related to...have some sense and leave these two people to end their marriage without your butting in.

3-I truly hope that you don't demean this father to his children in the same vein you show here. That is abusive.

4-Are you kidding?!? Why on earth would she keep secrets and not try to mediate? The judge would be more likely to call her out being that she's clearly an HC and trying to pushing to litigation when there's a chance at mediation. Do you know how much litigation costs???

5-That you're egging that on tells me that Stupid likes company.

6-So? If he has proof of new income, its perfectly reasonable for him to ask for a reduction. If she has proof of something else, then show it to him and try to mediate it out. WTF, why make it into a war and litigation if it can be avoided?


7-Congratulations for what's probably going to be stupidest HC post of the day.
1-It means I'm gathering information.
2-It's just a username.
3-Never.
4-I thought it was a bad idea too
5-I won't hold it against you that you lack reading comprehension skills.
6-Again, see #5. Did I say there was a problem if he made a motion?
7-Thanks for your feedback
  #8  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadBeatDouchebagDad View Post
3- It's just a username. Don't read too much into it.
Only reading into it, what you have already indicated in your original post, and the fact that you chose to use it to begin with? Perhaps a better name would have been "neutral3rdparty", "3rdpartyohboy", etc.
  #9  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:58 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
5-I won't hold it against you that you lack reading comprehension skills.
I can read your username. Its pretty illuminating as to what kind of "support" you're offering this other party. Its not just a username, its an indication of your attitude towards someone who you weren't married to.

Let me clue you in on something. I don't care how close you are to this other person...you will never actually understand what happened between those two people in their marriage. All you have is the perspective of one side.

If she needs advice since clearly she's an HC and you aren't that savvy on divorce, why isn't she educating herself either through her own lawyer or other resources? Its really not your place to get involved beyond supporting her emotionally, calming things where you can, and pointing her in the right direction...you shouldn't be interfering with the details of litigation or strategy. It wasn't your marriage and isn't your divorce.
  #10  
Old 12-11-2013, 10:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Only reading into it, what you have already indicated in your original post,
I felt I needed to clarify why I chose this username in my first post b/c yes I am biased in the ex-Wife's favor in this case. I admit it. This site has a lot of butthurt fathers and I'm not trying to offend them. Just this one douchebag the ex-Wife is dealing with.

I hope we can get past the username.
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