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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-21-2012, 01:37 PM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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Well, just received an email from the opposing party on my refusal to speak to him on the phone.

I quote, "Hanging up on me immediately upon hearing my voice and then refusing to pick up the phone when I called back does nothing whatsoever to address the issue and speaks to the larger issues of malicious behavior on your part."

I have insisted that all communication be restricted in writing to email. This is not an emergency and there is no need for him to speak to me in person. Telephone conversations are not civil in nature and end up with him yelling and threatening all sorts of stuff. I have been getting better at "encouraging" him to communicate via email, but obviously the message is not getting through.

So, how would you word a response to the above?

Last edited by Nadia; 11-21-2012 at 01:42 PM.
  #2  
Old 11-21-2012, 01:56 PM
Knave Knave is offline
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"I find that when we communicate verbally, there are often misunderstandings that lead to further complications. By using a written form of communication, we can be clear in our intentions and beliefs, and I believe that this will minimize conflict over time. I am willing to communicate by regular email, or through facilitating programs such as "our family wizard". Which form of communication would you prefer? Yours in harmony, your wonderful ex-wife".
  #3  
Old 11-21-2012, 03:43 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
Well, just received an email from the opposing party on my refusal to speak to him on the phone.

I quote, "Hanging up on me immediately upon hearing my voice and then refusing to pick up the phone when I called back does nothing whatsoever to address the issue and speaks to the larger issues of malicious behavior on your part."

I have insisted that all communication be restricted in writing to email. This is not an emergency and there is no need for him to speak to me in person. Telephone conversations are not civil in nature and end up with him yelling and threatening all sorts of stuff. I have been getting better at "encouraging" him to communicate via email, but obviously the message is not getting through.

So, how would you word a response to the above?
This should be sent to opposing counsel by you (if unrepresented) or by your counsel if represented.

(I quickly lifted the paragraphs in the offer to settle from recent jurisprudence where the judge REALLY understood how Our Family Wizard should be used and is quite well written. Modify it of course to meet your needs...)

-->

RE: Correspondence sent Day, Month, Year at Time

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Lennard J. Crabs:

I am writing today with regards to comments made on day, month, year at time sent by (you/your client) which is attached to this correspondence and marked as Schedule "A".

In this correspondence (you/your client) explicitly projects blame at (me/my client) with extreme and unnecessary prejudice against (me/my client):
Hanging up on me immediately upon hearing my voice and then refusing to pick up the phone when I called back does nothing whatsoever to address the issue and speaks to the larger issues of malicious behavior on your part.
Unfortunately, allegations it is in my experience that allegations and assertions such as these do not improve parental communications and often only contribute to unnecessary conflict and jostling of position in an adversarial manner by both parties.

Rather than address these needless allegations (I/my client), which in my opinion do not improve parental communications, (am/is) making the following Offer to Settle in accordance with Rule 18 of the Family Law Rules with a view to solving the problem rather than generating unnecessary, costly and emotionally stressful conflict.

Offer to Settle - Parental Communications

The parents agree on CONSENT to the following:

1. All parental communications are to be conducted through the software platform known as Our Family Wizard. Communication will be strictly by Our Family Wizard unless an emergency dictates communication by telephone

2. Each parent shall be responsible for making day-to-day decisions for routine emergency medical care while (the children/the child) is in his/her care, and shall keep the other parent fully informed, via Our Family Wizard, of any minor illnesses, emergencies, treatments, medications administered or prescribed while (the chidlren/child) is in his/her care.

3. Each parent is to keep the other informed of any changes to school activities, extra curricular activities and health benefits available to them for (the child/ren) and shall use Our Family Wizard to provide the information about these changes.

4. The schedule for (the child/ren) shall be plotted on a calendar for this year and six months forward, which must be posted on Our Family Wizard.

5. If there is a special event, the request to change the schedule so as to allow the child/ren to attend with either parent shall be made with at minimum 14-days’ notice with an expected response within 72 hours. In the event of an emergency or truly time-sensitive matter, the parents may call each other. If a reply requires more time than 72 hours, an Our Family Wizard communication shall be sent advising that the reply cannot be reasonably given with this time period and advising when the response can be expected.

6. In the event of an emergency the parent for which the children may call the non-resident parent and this telephone call should originate from the pay phone or other telephone at the hospital and/or emergency clinic where the children are attending.

7. In the event any parenting issue is returned to court, the communication on the Our Family Wizard shall be copied and filed with the court.

8. The parents shall share all documents pertaining to the chlid/ren by scanning the document and then sending it to the other parent by Our Family Wizard. The parents shall not rely on J to transport documents between them.

If you/your client are not familiar with the services offered by Our Family Wizard you can explore their service offering and details at the following website:

Tools to simplify shared child custody. - Our Family Wizard - child custody, parenting time

Furthermore, supporting jurisprudence on the use of Our Family Wizard as a communications platform can be found in the following case law for which the above paragraphs were drawn from in this Offer to Settle:

L.L. v. M.C., 2012 ONSC 3311 (CanLII)
Date: 2012-07-19
Docket: FS-08-00340601-0000
URL: CanLII - 2012 ONSC 3311 (CanLII)
Citation: L.L. v. M.C., 2012 ONSC 3311 (CanLII)

Please review this Offer to Settle, made in accordance with Rule 18 of the Family Law Rules (with your client) at your earliest convenience and I kindly request that you respond to this offer no later than noon of day, month, year.

(I/my client) (does/do) truly does not seek unnecessary conflict in this matter and is more than happy to communicate with (you/your client) in a safe, managed and court recommended communications platform.

Yours very truly,
Not "Highly Conflicted" Litigant

PS: There is a reason that this case law is so freaking well written, is parental focused and useful... The author is the VERY Honourable Mr. Justice Czutrin of the Toronto Superior Court, Family Law. Who in my honest opinion is the most senior family law judge in our country in the Superior Court.

Last edited by Tayken; 11-21-2012 at 03:52 PM.
  #4  
Old 11-21-2012, 07:14 PM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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That is very helpful. Hopefully, this will set some boundaries and facilitate/improve communication between the parties.
  #5  
Old 11-21-2012, 07:59 PM
kidsRworthit kidsRworthit is offline
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^^^Fabulous letter you crafted, and great case referenced.

This is clearly a case in which the OCL report has not been given weight:

[136]The OCL’s observations and discussion in the report have a disconnect between the observations and the hopeful recommendations which in the end could not result in agreement. The history does not bode well for dividing decision making and then alternating the decision making every two years. It will increase the likelihood of conflict and inconsistency between the parents. That is inconsistent with J’s best interests.

In reviewing the words, and more importantly the actions of the Applicant and Respondent; the Honourable Mr. Justice Czutrin had the following findings (amongst many):


Day to-day decisions that do not impact on the long-term life of J or do not impact on the other parents’ time shall be made by the parent who is with J at the time.


Medical Care: If the parents are unable to agree on major decision relating to J’s medical care and treatment, mother’s decision will prevail.


Education: If the parties are unable to agree on major decisions relating to J’s education, the mother’s decision will prevail.

Of interest:
Once financial issues appeared resolved the father stops using a lawyer and is not prepared to use Mediation/Arbitration and Parenting Coordination

This case: L.L. v. M.C., 2012 ONSC 3311 (CanLII) clearly shows that the mere presence of an OCL report does not mean it carries weight before the court. The findings in this case do clarify that when the parents are in conflict, the child(ren) are impacted negatively.

[131] Having had the benefit of the evidence and based on my conclusions on the evidence, these parents are not candidates for any form of joint custody or divided decision making.

In my personal situation: At my recent Case Conference, the Master did not approve my ex's request to involve a private assessment (shared cost) or OCL. She has declined attending Parenting Counselling (alleged self serving optics for courts), and she recently declined a 5-way meeting (after CC) to resolve our issues.

These actions to not bode well for negotiated settlement. My concern is that she is focused on litigation, with an evident agenda of sole custody of our children, and all decision making: education, religion, healthcare and extracurricular.
  #6  
Old 11-21-2012, 09:11 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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I have a nifty app on my phone that immediately hangs up on numbers I block. They don't even have time to go to voice mail. My ex hates it so much, she stopped even trying to harrass me.
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
I have a nifty app on my phone that immediately hangs up on numbers I block. They don't even have time to go to voice mail. My ex hates it so much, she stopped even trying to harrass me.
Excellent app. Care to share the name of it?
  #8  
Old 11-21-2012, 09:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
I have a nifty app on my phone that immediately hangs up on numbers I block. They don't even have time to go to voice mail. My ex hates it so much, she stopped even trying to harrass me.
I could use this application. What is it?
  #9  
Old 11-21-2012, 11:56 PM
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yes please share
  #10  
Old 11-22-2012, 07:50 AM
Fedupwithcrap Fedupwithcrap is offline
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I believe it's an android app called "blocker"
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