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Old 04-07-2018, 12:15 AM
motherbear4 motherbear4 is offline
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Default Kudos to my kid!

I just have to post this somewhere! ODF is the best place 😊 I don't post often, but read a lot. Thanks to everyone who has helped me without knowing it! Anyhoo, on to my chance to be proud of my S9!

At pick-up this afternoon he told me about an art project his class started for the school's upcoming art show. They were to draw their family. He looked up at me and said, "I started to run out of room, Mommy. So I split you and Stepmom down the middle! Your side has red hair, her side is black hair." I high-fived him and did a woohoo! How's that for imagination and making "it" work! I can't wait to see it 😁

Stepmom and I have met and are amicable and I would never put her real name out there.

I guess I could be tooting my own horn as well. Maybe I am also posting this to say, if you do the right thing, something wonderful happens 😁😊😁😊
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Old 04-07-2018, 09:37 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Posts: 651
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This gives me hope! You should post more often. How long has it been for your family to get to this place?

My ex recently had his access increased, so I am hoping Step Mom (I have only met her once to say Hi at a drop off) sticks around to help him. This is going to be a big adjustment for my ex and his gf.
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Old 04-07-2018, 10:37 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough

Always remember that as difficult as it is for you to accept change in life and someone new to share your childs love, it is equally as difficult for them to accept and understand. Children have a loyalty to their parents but also an innocence at accepting love from others. They are loyal to the parent alone and loyal to the parent with a new partner. This confuses them greatly because they want both parents to be happy but know that loving the new partner may complicate their loyalty to the parent alone.

Accepting the new partner goes a long way. Whether you like the person or not; whether you are happy about your divorce or not; putting on a brave face and teaching your child it is ok goes a long way. You are the adult and understand the complicated emotions in this. Children do not understand anything other than love and feeling safe.

Kudos to you for working with his third parent and creating a positive environment.
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Old 04-07-2018, 11:56 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Well said Rocksan!!! In your experience would it help if Mom reached out to Step-Mom, or does that just complicate things? Im a bit reluctant, because ex and I arent on good terms right now.

I am desperate to make this new access schedule work. And I think she may be the key to this being successful. But I fear without some outside support in place it will fail. Also to make this successful the schedules at both homes should mirror each others, as routine and consistency is key for these children.

I am torn between being a gatekeeper to make this successful or leave it alone and let them find their own way. She doesnt have children and imo to care for 2 special needs kids with little experience and/or back up could be overwhelming.
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