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  • Med/Arb

    My lawyer had convinced me to try med/arb. It’s faster he said. It’s cheaper he said. You’ll be able to move on with your life sooner he said. Lies. Lies. Lies. It has now been just over 2 years since I stopped with the court proceedings and we switched to med arb. The other side or rather the “dark” side as I now refer to them has managed to stall, stall, stall once again. We don’t even have a mediation date!!!!!!!!!
    They cancelled the last one 6 months ago because they needed more time for him to make financial disclosure ( you’d think after nearly a decade of litigation his lawyer would have his financial information).
    ... and yes we are less than 18 mos away from a decade of litigation with not one single issue including custody, access or visitation settled. I have sent umpteen severable offers to settle on ALL issues. To date the dark side has sent notta, zip, zero offers to settle. Not even any counter offers. My theory is that his lawyer is too busy milking his golden goose to even consider letting him
    settle.

    This ongoing bs is torture. Plain and simple psychological torture.
    Rant over.

    Questions

    How long is med/arb supposed to take on average?
    Since we haven’t even settled on a date after 2 years can I drop this hot potato and just walk over to family court and start another file? I want to move this
    forward,

  • #2
    I would say that if you don’t see substantial progress in mediation in three months than you are better off with the court process. (Substantial progress would be all minor issues settled via signed MOS and most major issues agreed too).

    Mediation only works if BOTH parties are highly motivated. You can also do both con-currently; the “stick” of a possible Court Order at an upcoming court date often makes the “carrot” of mediation suddenly more attractive to the other side. Mediation is a great way for lawyers to rack up billable hours with relatively little work (just talking/negotiating is so much easier than making sure deadlines are adhered too and the right forms filled out.

    Perhaps it is time to change lawyers after ten years of getting nowhere.

    Comment


    • #3
      From what you've told us- I don't see how med/arb will benefit you. The other side is not motivated to settle this. I'm in the same position- the other side keeps stalling. I've sent two offers- they haven't responded once.

      My lawyer is setting down a date for a SC. Don't wait- it's not worth it- it costs you more in all the correspondence, and the lawyers to say "hey how's it going- when do you want to get together?"

      The caveat is that I think it depends on how strong your case is. If it's weak- mediation can benefit the party with the weaker side.

      Also- there is a school of thought that having the same individual do the arbitration and mediation together is not a good thing. I can't find the article right now- but it's basically that one party is not going ot get a fair shake. That there are biases from the mediation that the arbitrator brings into their decision.

      Comment


      • #4
        I will quote what the judge said to my husbands ex:

        Mediation only works if both parties are willing to do it.

        Also:

        If one person continues to bring up the past and not move forward, the other party will say why should I mediate.

        In his case the judge agreed with my husband that mediation would never have worked. In your case you can outline that you attempted mediation but the other party was unwilling to cooperate.

        File a motion, get this moving and over with. If his lawyer wants to continue to play these games, move it to trial and be done with it. Your kids deserve better than what their father is giving them.

        Comment


        • #5
          Three years ago we made it to our third TMC. The judge kept refusing to put us on the trial list as his lawyer estimated a 22+ day trial whereas mine estimated a four to five day trial. The judge refused to put us on the trial list as he was unwilling to accommodate a potential 22 day or longer trial. I have not had the same lawyer throughout all this litigation.
          Fast forward to today where mediation has been agreed to over two years ago with no date set. My lawyer told me that it won’t look good on me if I go to court in the middle of mediation as I agreed to try it. ?????? What mediation?????
          He also said that the judge still won’t put us on the trial list!

          It won’t have to be a 22 day trial now as the custody issues are basically resolved since the youngest is now a teen and once again he has gone several years with no contact with the kids ( his choice as he feels that will show the courts he doesn’t need supervised access). The financial issues are a bit complicated and involve a substantial amount of money. The sale proceeds from the matrimonial home have been sitting in trust for several years now and he is adamantly denying me access to my share of those funds. He doesn’t need them as he has millions available to him .

          Can I refuse to participate further in this sham mediation?Will a judge hold that against me? Can the court continue to refuse to put our case on the trial list? How in gods name does all of this serve the best interests of the children?
          Last edited by Stillbreathing; 06-26-2019, 11:23 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            I wonder if you could send an ultimatum. For instance, if a mediation date is not scheduled in the next 30 days you will have no other choice but to move this forward via litigation.

            Your lawyer sounds like a pussy. Might be time for a barracuda?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              I
              Your lawyer sounds like a pussy. Might be time for a barracuda?
              Yeah- I was wondering the same thing.

              I've noticed there are way too many "good" family lawyers that are afraid of court.

              Comment


              • #8
                How can a trial be 22 days??? Geez! You'd go bankrupt, but I guess in your case you may be able to claim cost.

                I used to think that family court was just expensive but have realized that it's not as useful as I thought it would be. And that's the sad part.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                  My lawyer had convinced me to try med/arb. It’s faster he said. It’s cheaper he said. You’ll be able to move on with your life sooner he said. Lies. Lies. Lies. It has now been just over 2 years since I stopped with the court proceedings and we switched to med arb. The other side or rather the “dark” side as I now refer to them has managed to stall, stall, stall once again. We don’t even have a mediation date!!!!!!!!!
                  They cancelled the last one 6 months ago because they needed more time for him to make financial disclosure ( you’d think after nearly a decade of litigation his lawyer would have his financial information).
                  ... and yes we are less than 18 mos away from a decade of litigation with not one single issue including custody, access or visitation settled. I have sent umpteen severable offers to settle on ALL issues. To date the dark side has sent notta, zip, zero offers to settle. Not even any counter offers. My theory is that his lawyer is too busy milking his golden goose to even consider letting him
                  settle.

                  This ongoing bs is torture. Plain and simple psychological torture.
                  Rant over.

                  Questions

                  How long is med/arb supposed to take on average?
                  Since we haven’t even settled on a date after 2 years can I drop this hot potato and just walk over to family court and start another file? I want to move this
                  forward,
                  Mediation and arbitration is often much faster than going to court. Of course, it doesn't work out for everyone. But for most it does.
                  Just like everything in family law, it's always different for each person.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by gettingexpensive View Post
                    How can a trial be 22 days??? Geez! You'd go bankrupt, but I guess in your case you may be able to claim cost.

                    I used to think that family court was just expensive but have realized that it's not as useful as I thought it would be. And that's the sad part.
                    Don't count on claiming cost. Most people don't get it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ClearWay Law View Post
                      Mediation and arbitration is often much faster than going to court. Of course, it doesn't work out for everyone. But for most it does.
                      Just like everything in family law, it's always different for each person.
                      For me, mediation was a complete waste of time, money and emotional energy. Took 3 years to get absolutely NOWHERE and my ex wanted to go to arbitration instead. We finally settled our affairs less than 24 hours prior to arbitration starting.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
                        For me, mediation was a complete waste of time, money and emotional energy. Took 3 years to get absolutely NOWHERE and my ex wanted to go to arbitration instead. We finally settled our affairs less than 24 hours prior to arbitration starting.
                        Well I'm glad you settled.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Have an update. I put my foot down and gave my lawyer an ultimatum. We now have a mediation date for late August. Not holding my breath and really think even if it does happen that mediation will be a complete waist of time. My ex doesn’t have a reasonable bone in his body. The brain injury doesn’t help either. Would prefer to go straight to arbitration but will keep my mind open at mediation.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I don't know how things work in Ontario but I went through binding arbitration. There was never a "mediation" process thank God. In Alberta binding arbitration (JDRs) are conducted by judges. I believe they are conducted by money-sucking lawyers in Ontario? We simply followed the rules for binding arbitration (submission had to be with judge 30 days prior to hearing). We attended hearing which only took one day (pretty good considering my ex is unreasonable and we were married 30 years and had a business to deal with). Some people have a 5 - day hearing. Judge conducts the hearing and tries to get parties to agree. Failing that the judge makes decision which is binding. Parties, knowing there is a deadline to come to agreement, make every effort to get their shit together before judge makes decision for them. This summarizes the importance of arbitration being 'binding.'

                            I do not understand why you are not following this process? Is it perhaps because blood-sucking lawyers have, yet again, convinced you to participate in a 4-way (mediation) process which is certain to fail to resolve your issues (but will add $$$ to lawyer's coffers)? I'd recommend seeing if you can go directly to binding arbitration and skip the mediation.

                            You can change your mind and save yourself mediation money - set up a binding arbitration date and stick to it. My lawyer tried to get me to agree to mediation. I saw it for what it was - waste of time and money - and stood firm that I did not want to spend another moment arguing with my ex.
                            Last edited by arabian; 07-07-2019, 06:48 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm sorry to sound so cynicle but mediation, arbitration, or trial, doesn't effen matter lawyers will milk you. They know exactly what you are worth from the financials you had to prepare. They do their math and ensure they reach the billable hours from you they plan. This is what motivates them. When they see equity and you have a good job and can pay the legal fees they will bleed you dry. It's sickening. And remember when they bleed you they are also bleeding your spouse. All this money they suck out of your combined equity and net worth. Until you are left with nothing. It's psychological warfare because they know emotions and tensions run high. They take advantage and will exploit you further because they know communication is through them. They each blame the other side for stalling and lack of progress when you complain. It falls on deaf ears, you have to wait, and wait, and pay. In my case, months and years have passed. Started mediation few months ago that was just a ploy to suck more money. We were close a few months ago. A follow up call was supposed to take place to finalize. Instead was told other side didn't write up the offer. Waited another two months only to be finally given a written offer but they added that I owe retro spousal!!!! This was not discussed in mediation meeting. This has come out of the blue. So of course, I'm not going to accept this bull crap so more money to write counter offer, and it will linger a few more months and then end up in trial anyways. After I already spent $25,000 in mediation not including what ex spouse will be billed which is probably same. Really!!!!! This should not be allowed to happen!! Im a single mom trying to not enter the cycle of poverty raising two young kids on my own.
                              Lawyers should be forced to put needs of children first! Most couples divorcing most likely only have equity from the marital home. One home that a whole family needs to live on. But all the money gets eaten by lawyers. Why why why would anyone ever want to get married!!!!!! Sorry to hijack your thread. I've been at it for 7 years. Go straight to trial is my suggestion.

                              Comment

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