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  • Sending Emails To Ex

    I am in the process of trying to make changes to my current access order in court as my ex will not agree to any changes. My D9 lives with her mom in a different province then me and I have been trying to get some summer access for years in the province where I live.


    At our first CC meeting mom offered up 7 days access to me which I feel is quite ridiculous as the trip to me is between 10-12hrs depending on flights, so 2 days would be lost to travel. I would like to have a min of 2 weeks and was going to send mom an email hoping to open the conversation yet again. I have a lawyer but ex is self rep, my lawyer says all communication needs to go through her to make it easier to go through court. To this point any emails that have been sent by my lawyer have NEVER been responded to by my ex.


    I don't want to waste hundreds of dollars having emails sent by my lawyer when I can do it myself. I don't see why this would be a problem in court as there is still a paper trail to show what was said by both of us.


    Anyone have any experience or advise they can give?


    I have already burned through the $5000 retainer and I am no further ahead then when I started

  • #2
    A bigger question is: who moved?

    To answer your question, you could email your ex but what makes you think she will respond to you over your lawyer? She doesnt have to. If she isn’t responding, file your motion and get it moving.

    Which circles back to the first question...if you were the one that moved your chances for success may be slim which is why it is costing so much. That said, two weeks in the summer is not unreasonable. What is your ex objecting to?

    Comment


    • #3
      She was the one who moved. Its a complicated and long story but to keep it short we were together for less then a year, I was told by police and lawyer at the time that I couldn't stop her from leaving the province just the country. I tried to get some kind of agreement in place so that I could see my daughter but things got so ugly that I became severely depressed, lost my job as she was being so unreasonable I had to give up. I had no family support and couldn't see how to make it work with an infant so young and far away.


      When my D turned 4 I had the support of my GF and I started to try again. And once again she fought me every step of the way. In order to gain access to my child 3 times a year in her location I let the travel part go and was told by a mediator that I could try again later on. And here I am still trying.
      Mom doesn't want D9 to come visit me as "she to young and to far from her" but that's just her latest excuse. She has used many different ones to try and get her way. My lawyer think it may be 2020 until the issue can be taken care of at trail and I have tried to use mediation before applying to court but it goes no where with her.
      Mom normally will respond to my email, I don't expect her to agree but I have to try as my D9 keeps asking to visit and doesn't understand why she can't.

      Comment


      • #4
        Have you yourself traveled the distance to visit your child?

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes myself and my GF have made the trip 3 times a year since 2015. I have spent a min of 2 weeks on each trip there and as much as 25 days in July and Nov of 2018. My daughter is with me from the time get there to the time I leave. She did go to her moms for 2 nights during the 25 day trips as mom felt it was "to long to not sleep at home"

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by acrossthecountry View Post
            I don't want to waste hundreds of dollars having emails sent by my lawyer when I can do it myself. I don't see why this would be a problem in court as there is still a paper trail to show what was said by both of us.


            Anyone have any experience or advise they can give?


            I have already burned through the $5000 retainer and I am no further ahead then when I started
            Absolutely, I try and email the ex first and see if I can get a response. I only use my lawyer for court because I don't understand the rules. Just make sure your emails are polite and write them for a Judge to read.

            I also use the forum as a sounding board first.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by kate331 View Post
              Just make sure your emails are polite and write them for a Judge to read.
              This.

              As far as I am concerned, any email I write to my ex is not to convince her, it is to convince a judge who might be reading the email later. If I actually want to say something to my ex I'll say it verbally. Anything in writing is purely for court.

              Note that when I say court, we are not actually in court. However, once you have been to court, it can usually be safely assumed that a return is always a distinct possibility, and I write with that in mind.

              Originally posted by acrossthecountry
              my lawyer says all communication needs to go through her to make it easier to go through court.
              Sure, but that is driving up your costs. The reason to use a lawyer to write your letters is if you have a tendency to say foolish things. As long as you can completely control that tendency (100% of the time) no lawyer is needed for that.

              Also, letters accomplish very little. If you are going to court, then go to court. Stop playing games. They are just costing you money, especially if you are having your lawyer send letters and she is self-repped. She can continue this game forever.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thank you everyone for the great advice. I didn't see any problem with me writing an email to the ex but its good to hear it confirmed from others.


                As this process continues I am slowly learning that lawyers\mediators are not always the best resource when looking for information on how to travel through this messy court process. I have found that people like you folks are a far better help.

                Comment

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