Refusing to support a child’s sport

[Mom 2 Two]

Anges ex has proven to be a difficult, manipulative controlling person. He wanted 50/50 to reduce his child support and started the court process to do so. Once he was in it, he decided he didnt want 50/50 and forced ange to settle for less cs. He also argued for reduced section 7 and to not pay post secondary.

This is not a father operating in his childrens best interests so for all you mom haters, stop projecting. If your kid was upset about being forced to miss something they enjoyed that was AGREED TO by both parents, you would be upset too and would try to manage their feelings.

Ange, word of caution for you...take care what you post. The trolls have it out for you.

Yes your exactly right Rockscan!!! It’s so much better when the trolls are asleep or maybe parenting?


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[Ange71727]

I’ll never get rid of the trolls on here. I’ve accepted that.
Thank you to those who can be objective, look at two sides of a story and who have offered actual advice.


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[rockscan]

I wouldn't agree with you that the child was "forced". Ange stated the child actually is interested in the new sport.

Children grow and things change. I would not do what Ange did (or have thoughts about telling child to take a bus to my home) . IF the child complained to me, I would just say it's their time with the other parent and it's up to the two of them to work it out.

Keep in mind children often tell their parents what they think they want to hear.

If you read the background and left your bias at the door you would see this for what it is. Dad wants the child in the sport NOW rather than waiting until the spring. A REASONABLE parent would agree to wait based on the number of activities and the childs wishes.

How would you feel if your ex put your child in an activity against your wishes and against what you agreed to and then expected kid to miss the activity you enrolled them in after you both agreed to do that other activity.

[Mom 2 Two]

I can copy paste too.





Visitation Don'ts

Some parents use visitation to achieve destructive goals. These are goals based on revenge, such

as one parent hurting the other or disrupting his or her life. To achieve those goals, parents may

use destructive behaviors that can create a more hostile environment and seriously damage

relationships. Destructive strategies can be deeply hurtful to children caught in the middle.

Following are tips for avoiding destructive behavior:

Don't refuse to communicate with your former spouse.

• Don't use your children to relay divorce-related messages on issues such as child support.

Those issues should be discussed by adults only.

• Don't make your children responsible for making, canceling, or changing visitation plans.

Those are adult responsibilities.

• Don't use your children to spy on your former spouse.

• Don't fight with the other parent during drop-off and pickup times. Deal with important

issues when your children cannot overhear.

Don't disrupt your children's relationship with their other parent.

• Don't make your children feel guilty about spending time with their other parent.

• Don't use visitation as a reward for good behavior, and don't withhold it as punishment

for poor behavior.

• Don't tell your children you will feel lonely and sad if they visit their other parent.

• Don't withhold visitation to punish your former spouse for problems such as missed child

support payments. Withholding visitation punishes your children, who are not guilty.

• Don't withhold visitation because you feel your former spouse doesn't deserve to see the

children. Unless a parent is a genuine threat, adults and children need to see each other.

• Don't use false abuse accusations to justify withholding visitation.

• Don't let activities such as sports and hobbies interfere with the time your children spend

with their other parent. Your former spouse can transport the children to those activities if

needed and can sometimes participate.

• Don't pressure your children about leaving clothes or toys at their other parent's home.

The children need to feel they belong in both places.

• Don't falsely claim that your children are sick to justify withholding visitation.

• Don't withhold phone calls to your children from their other parent.

• Don't put down the other parent's new romantic partner.

AGAIN... when two parents agree to commit their children to an activity... both parents should follow through at least until the end of the season. Your copy and paste has nothing to do with supporting a child’s best interest and sticking to an agreement.

By Anges ex just all of a sudden arbitrarily deciding to take their son out half way through hockey on dads time... that only teaches their son to resent dad more and teaches him it’s ok to do things half ass. Please crawl back into your hole and take your bias with you.


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[rockscan]

I can copy paste too.





Visitation Don'ts

Some parents use visitation to achieve destructive goals. These are goals based on revenge, such

as one parent hurting the other or disrupting his or her life. To achieve those goals, parents may

use destructive behaviors that can create a more hostile environment and seriously damage

relationships. Destructive strategies can be deeply hurtful to children caught in the middle.

Following are tips for avoiding destructive behavior:

Don't refuse to communicate with your former spouse.

• Don't use your children to relay divorce-related messages on issues such as child support.

Those issues should be discussed by adults only.

• Don't make your children responsible for making, canceling, or changing visitation plans.

Those are adult responsibilities.

• Don't use your children to spy on your former spouse.

• Don't fight with the other parent during drop-off and pickup times. Deal with important

issues when your children cannot overhear.

Don't disrupt your children's relationship with their other parent.

• Don't make your children feel guilty about spending time with their other parent.

• Don't use visitation as a reward for good behavior, and don't withhold it as punishment

for poor behavior.

• Don't tell your children you will feel lonely and sad if they visit their other parent.

• Don't withhold visitation to punish your former spouse for problems such as missed child

support payments. Withholding visitation punishes your children, who are not guilty.

• Don't withhold visitation because you feel your former spouse doesn't deserve to see the

children. Unless a parent is a genuine threat, adults and children need to see each other.

• Don't use false abuse accusations to justify withholding visitation.

• Don't let activities such as sports and hobbies interfere with the time your children spend

with their other parent. Your former spouse can transport the children to those activities if

needed and can sometimes participate.

• Don't pressure your children about leaving clothes or toys at their other parent's home.

The children need to feel they belong in both places.

• Don't falsely claim that your children are sick to justify withholding visitation.

• Don't withhold phone calls to your children from their other parent.

• Don't put down the other parent's new romantic partner.

Those are all great points that Ange is actually following. She did communicate with her ex about these costs and the activity and the issues with the child’s education and feelings. THE EX DIDN’T CARE.

Now she is dealing with an unhappy child who feels torn between his fathers feelings and his own. She is trying to help him work through the problem like he would have to in the future.

You really need to get off your high horse. Ange has already asked about the ex doing this in breach of their order, how to manage it with this major breach against the agreement and finally how to handle her child’s feelings.

[standing on the sidelines]

I wouldn't agree with you that the child was "forced". Ange stated the child actually is interested in the new sport.

Children grow and things change. I would not do what Ange did (or have thoughts about telling child to take a bus to my home) . IF the child complained to me, I would just say it's their time with the other parent and it's up to the two of them to work it out.

Keep in mind children often tell their parents what they think they want to heaps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
My son and I had a good chat tonight. He is going to do what he can to convince his dad. Terrible position to be in at 12, but it’s a life lesson in standing up for yourself.


It sounds like you have already started the manipulation process - and at a very bad age.
Last edited by youngdad91; Today at 12:09 AM.

I cant do the multi quote thing so I had to cut and paste.
so when you would talk to your child and tell them its up to them work it out with the other parent its okay. When a mom posts that she has had a chat with son and basically told him the same thing to work it out with his Dad its manipulation??

[kate331]

Of course Ange is upset, remember she is "one of those cs recipients" that's only real concern is having her nails done. The children come second, hence the bus comment. If she really cared, she would pick him up in her new Mercedes that the ex is paying for, but who wants to drive around 3 kids, that could cost her ex $$$ in having it detailed weekly, she is smarter than that (talk about court ready). Apparently they need to eat snack in the car, yikes. Its public transit for these ingrates.

Umm, I do think you are missing something, THE KID WANTS TO STAY IN HOCKEY, but since Youngdad91 still believes in a patriarchy society what Dad says goes.

[Ange71727]

The difference is, Ange is obviously upset about this, and wants to have it her way. She's trial ready over this issue and has had thought of telling the child to bus back to her home. We know what is on her mind. When she says she has had this "good chat" with the child for the child to "convince" her dad following these comments, it's pretty obvious that she is basically influencing the child. The child is obviously going to be telling mom what mom wants to hear during their discussion.

I also don't think that it was of any sequence that the mother threw around the "child being 12" just like that, in light of her thoughts of telling the child to "bus to her home" during the father's time. What is she hoping for here? For the child to go up to the judge and say.. Judge, I had a serious chat with my mom. My mom said I'm 12 years old now so I get to decide who I want to live with. I want to live with mom so I can play hockey.

Please.

My stance stands. It's the father's time and thereby his day to day decision as to whether the child attends hockey or not. The child has shown interest in a new sport that he wants to participate in during his time with dad.

Unless of course, I am missing something, and this child is the top scorer of their team for the last 3 years straight and well on his way to the Canadian national hockey team.

I am not "trial ready". Wow, are you ever over the top.

I pity your children if you operate by what you have suggested here - its ok for a parent to all of a sudden stop taking their kid to the sport they started the year off playing AND have been playing for 6 years (on BOTH parents' parenting times)? And its ok for a parent to punish their kid because they're mad at the other parent?
If you'd seen the text my kid sent me last weekend, as he was sitting at home missing his game...it was sad enough to melt even your cold heart.
If you actually think that this is ok then I feel very sorry for your own children because you must be a very selfish person.

[Ange71727]

Had a bit of time today and found an excellent article about "parenting time" that resonated with me and relates to this discussion:

http://www.grandparentsrights.org/whenparenting.pdf

It isn't about grandparents even though the website would suggest it.

[rockscan]

But its ok for kid to be micromanaged by dad? Kid wants to play hockey. Dad wants him in a different sport. Kid is not as interested in that sport as he is in hockey. Hes sitting at dads house while his hockey game is going on because dad is adamant its his time so he can make kid sit on the couch instead of attend his game.

How are you failing to see the fucked up logic of this? Its my time and you will do what I want. How does this foster a loving and trusting relationship?

[Ange71727]

I do not. But pity your son for the situation you have created for him. You should not be punishing your child and keeping him away from the sport on dad's time because you're mad at dad. Nor should you be using this situation as a leverage to influencing child against dad.




The child is telling you what you want to hear. Also why does a 12 year old have a phone? Hope it's not a tool to continue your influencing of him during dad's time.

My child is very Happy and adjusted since our joint custody and 5.5.2.2 agreement. We also have a clause that neither parent can schedule activities on other parents time without their consent. So I will actually never have your problem.

There are a lot of angry mother defending mom's on this thread. Where are all the weekend fathers agreeing that you should get to micromannge their weekend?

Perhaps your posse didn’t show up because you are actually ridiculous.

Perhaps (and I’m going to be stereotypical here) the dads here understand that team sports take commitment and that you can’t be a half-assed member of a team that practices, plays games, travels together, etc. Not to mention the problems it causes for the coaching staff and other players to have to cover for a kid who misses two weekends a month. What message does that send to a child about commitment?

For the record, I have not once made my kid sit at home and miss the other sport. So far, the times that he could have gone to that sport this year conflicted with hockey. They also conflict for the entire month of November. If it works out in December I won’t make him sit at home as that’s awful, even if I don’t agree with his dad.

The whole problem could have been avoided if dad allowed him to play in the spring. Then he would’ve never missed either.




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[Ange71727]

Yeah that article will help you big time in trial.



PS. From you very own article: "Mary K. Neumann, family counselor for the

Honorable Michael Warren, says that during a non-custodial parent’s parenting time, that parent

ultimately has the final say in what the child does during that time. "

Of course they do!!
But if they’re good parents they’ll take their kids’ wishes into consideration.


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[Ange71727]

? My "posts" are all here. It seems you're the ridiculous one rather. I can point out how below.







You're pushing and pulling at the same time here. Hence why you're ridiculous. You're doing the exact thing your saying dad shouldn't do by making the child miss the sport he is doing with dad when there is hockey.











So you half assed his sport for the entire month of November. From your own statement "you can’t be a half-assed member of a team that practices, plays games, travels together, etc. Not to mention the problems it causes for the coaching staff and other players to have to cover for a kid who misses two weekends a month. What message does that send to a child about commitment? "













For the record? I understand you're trial ready and all but this is not a court room with reporters creating a record of what has been said.











Never? Not even once?

[/QUOTE]



“Posse” - use a dictionary.
Something you don’t have as your posts are ridiculous.


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[PeacefulMoments]

I also think dad is being ridiculous and not acting in kids best interest. Hockey was mutually agreed upon by both mom and dad and the season has already started. Makes no sense to start a new sport that conflicts with hockey right now. I fail to see how that is good for kid in any way.

If kid didn’t have a pre-existing commitment, then sure, either mom or dad sign him up for a sport kid is interested in. As it stands, dad is just flexing his muscles for the show of it, not thinking about kid.

[Karma2016]

Wow youngdad. Why you so angry? Were you bullied as a child? Dis yourbwife cheat on you? You have control-freak anger management issues. I pity your ex wife and children. And no I’m not a mom in an embattled child custody or support issue. My kids are all grown and upstanding young people. Just reading you’re posts (not just this thread) it is clear you an angry ex. Try yoga.