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  • General vent

    OK, my ex is a CAS worker. As such, she pretty much see's the scum of the earth day in and day out (not saying everyone involved with CAS is scum, but when you hear about 7y/o's being molested and 2y/o's with cigarette burns on them, you will start to see what I am talking about).

    IMO, due to her job, she has a extremely jaded view of the public, people in general and parenting. She feels she is supermom. Her mother feels the same. They both believe that the world is out to get my D6 and that she should pretty much be left in a bubble to grow.....for example of the differences in parenting style...

    1. My family are seasonal campers. Site has 90 spots, 70 of which are seasonal, 3 of those are my families. We've been going there approx 5 years. We know the owners and the neighbours fairly well. As such, I allowed my D6 to walk less than 50 metres to the site store. I watched from the deck.

    2. One of my brother-in-laws buddy was up at the camper for the weekend. We were all down by the lake swimming and using Buddies Sea-Doo taking the kids for rides. I head back to the camper to bring the dog back and clean up a touch leaving D6 with my parents and my sisters and their husbands. As they were walking back from the beach (it is about 200 metres from beach to camper) Buddy offers to drive the kids back in his quad-cab pickup. My 8y/o nephew and D ask to go, my sister (8y/o's mom) says yes. Buddy, nephew and D drive to camper...going 10km/h.....

    Now, D6 has been programed to tell Ex EVERYTHING. What she doesn't outright tell, ex and her mom pull out of her. And they take everything she says as gospel. Like D6 said she went to the store by herself, which my ex has taken that I was inadequately supervising my D6 as she could be hit by a car, abducted etc.......the speed limit is 10km/h.....and apparently she missed the part where I watched her walk over.

    Second, D told her about riding in the front seat back to the camper in Buddies truck. Ex is all up in arms about no booster and air bags, but more so about how Buddy (my brother in laws long time friend) could have molested my D and that she is not alllowed to allow with anyone who is not family.....apparently, the worlds is out to get my D and that all men are potential predators.

    Now, I will agree, there are sicko's in the world, but really....I feel I am a good judge of character and so is my family. For Ex to get so bent out of shape borders on complete paranoia. And now I have to deal with D6 who looks up to her mom and Ex telling D6 what she can and cannot do on my time.....

    It just sucks having someone who is paranoid as an ex. They don't see logic or reason. They just see what they want to see....and in my ex's case, she wants to believe that I am a bad parent......

    end rant...

  • #2
    Ignore her... and if she has that much concern, tell her to call CAS

    Comment


    • #3
      Way to go NBDad...very appropriate advice

      Not meaning to poke the bear here...but...

      Working as a CAS worker your ex knows that a very, very, very high percentage of all abuse is done by someone in the immediate family or by someone who is close friends with the immediate family.

      That being said...she would probably be better off educating your daughter in a calm and safe manner than "questioning/interrogating", "pulling information", and demanding what she can and can't do on your time.

      She is setting a bad precident for when your daughter gets older IMO.

      ...and I feel your pain. Too bad some people can't just let kids "grow".
      Last edited by MiViLaLoco; 08-19-2011, 02:35 PM. Reason: additional stuff

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by NBDad View Post
        Ignore her... and if she has that much concern, tell her to call CAS
        I would and generally I do employ radio silence, but she is asking me to agree to the following:

        1. First of all I need to know the address of the camper
        2. you will agree to refrain from alcohol use at all times while caring for D6
        3. you will agree that I am permitted to daily (private) contact with D6
        4. you will agree that D6 is supervised at all times by someone over the age of 21
        5. you will agree that D6 is only with family
        6. you will agree that D6 is not left with strangers and not in any vehicle with no booster seat
        1. Fine, gave the address.

        2. Isn't a big deal, but to agree to indefinitely and to the point of where I can't have a beer on a hot day or a glass of wine like any other adult, is rediculous.

        3. Our agreement already provides for this. But I bet she wants private to try and drag info from my D6.

        4. Legal age to babysit is like 13.....why should I have more restriction then the next parent.

        5. ok, so I guess she wants only family over the age of 21 to be able to babysit D6....however, it isn't like I have EVER used a babysittyer before. She is suggesting that ONE of the times D6 went to the store with her 8y/o friend, I put the 8y/o in the position of babysitter...again, she failed to pay attention to the point where I watched them go. She picked and choosed what she wanted to hear/believe.

        6. Didn't she cover this under item 5? I mean, generally family aren't strangers, but I could say there are some cousins who I rarely see who could be strangers...so what does she want? As for the booster seat, I agreed.

        But yeah, I need to learn not to read emails from my ex when I walk into work in the morning.....it really screws my day.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by MiViLaLoco View Post
          Working as a CAS worker your ex knows that a very, very, very high percentage of all abuse is done by someone in the immediate family or by someone who is close friends with the immediate family.
          I know this too.

          But I also know it is a high percentage of a very small percentage of a population. It is like saying that it is 60% of 3% of the population. But for to be upset/scared about a 200m ride at 10km/h with D6 and nephew 8 in the car is pretty extreme.

          Comment


          • #6
            Holy Hanna!

            ...I don't think a bubble would be good enough for your ex.

            I'd just tell her to either A. Call CAS or B. Take you to court She can really do neither because what she is asking for is not anywhere within her rights to do so. In fact, she is seriously stepping on your rights.

            What she is demanding is downright manipulative and controlling. She cannot demand to know what your daughter does with you every second. She cannot dictate what happens on your time...at all...period.

            I would agree to none of what she's asking for...none!

            ...and what the heck is going to happen when your daughter is old enough to go to friends houses to play...or gasp! date?!?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by MiViLaLoco View Post
              ...and what the heck is going to happen when your daughter is old enough to go to friends houses to play...or gasp! date?!?
              ....or when her friends from school invite her to a birthday party or playdate on my parenting time.......

              Comment


              • #8
                or heaven forbid she has a male teacher.

                Your ex is way over the top.

                Comment


                • #9
                  You have a long road ahead of you my friend...

                  ...unless you are able to somehow nip this in the bud now!

                  Have both of you been to the parenting through separation courses available? Hmmm...maybe they're not available where you are.

                  In Saskatchewan it is manditory that both parents attend (separately) a parenting through separation course. You are each given a certificate of completion that you must include with all documentation for divorce. No certificates...no divorce.

                  It was a tremendous help in our (my) case. My ex-husband did an almost 180 in his approach to our separation after taking the course.

                  Obviously she does not understand just how much harm she is doing not only to your daughter...but to you and your daughter's relationship.

                  Have you suggested joint counselling to her...since she has a background in that area it may help if someone in her "field" told her she is being over the top at the moment and letting unfounded fears control her behaviour. After all... "Don't be breakin' a shin on a stool that's not in your way." - Irish Proverb

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    1. First of all I need to know the address of the camper
                    2. you will agree to refrain from alcohol use at all times while caring for D6
                    3. you will agree that I am permitted to daily (private) contact with D6
                    4. you will agree that D6 is supervised at all times by someone over the age of 21
                    5. you will agree that D6 is only with family
                    6. you will agree that D6 is not left with strangers and not in any vehicle with no booster seat
                    /reply:

                    Dear Whackjob:

                    D6 will be looked after and cared for in an age appropriate fashion and in concert with the existing court order.

                    Love,

                    SuperDad


                    Personally...I wouldn't bother responding. If she has that much concern, let her haul you to court. If she tries that crap.... Did you contact CAS or other appropriate government agency? No??? I see...

                    *cough*Dismiss as frivilous litigation, request costs *cough*

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                      or heaven forbid she has a male teacher.

                      Your ex is way over the top.
                      My ex's mom is just as bad. D6 was invited to a birthday party by one of her classmates (SK). Ex's mom told me on the Wednesday when I picked up D6 for my mid-week that I had to stay at the party as "D6 is a pretty girl" and she "doesn't know this family".......

                      Yeah, the family (outside of her brother who is a cool guy) is nuts...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                        But yeah, I need to learn not to read emails from my ex when I walk into work in the morning.....it really screws my day.

                        So familiar with this sentiment.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by NBDad View Post
                          /reply:

                          Dear Whackjob:

                          D6 will be looked after and cared for in an age appropriate fashion and in concert with the existing court order.

                          Love,

                          SuperDad
                          That is effectively what I did. I gave her the address/website and brought up the issues with her clauses and how they are redundant and/or excessively restrictive and not in D6's best interests.

                          I stated I would agree to the stipulations in our agreement and to such things as provided by law. I did capitulate and state I would use "an abundance of caution" when making any future decision.....but ultimately, I politely told her I am agreeing to the way things are and that her requests were not in D6's best interests.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            This isn't about her being jaded and paranoid.

                            This is about her attacking you, using your daughter to do so, and using the power of her position inappropriately and unprofessionally as a tool for her personal aggression.

                            You are a competent, loving parent and are fully capable of making judgement calls while she is with you. Your ex effin knows this. This isn't about your daughter, it is about her own lingering bitterness and hostility and her need to strike out.

                            It doesn't matter what you do or how perfectly you parent, she will find ways to exagerate possible danger, your behaviour, your choices, things your daughter says, exagerating anything she can to find ways to criticize you.

                            Because deep down inside she knows that she small and hopeless and an idiot, and the only way she can build herself up is to take you down.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ^^^^^^

                              What he said

                              Comment

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