Hi all,
A little history, my husband and I split back in October, he is an alcoholic and does not seem to want to change or acknowledge this even tho he has in the past gone through court ordered rehab...Before October he drove our children twice drunk...once with me and my brother and sister in law in the vehicle..none of us knew he had been drinking until we were well down the road, a frightening experience since he refused to stop. Another time he came home obviously drunk with the kids both times from his mothers who see's no problem in him drinking "a little". I'm feeling total guilt for not stopping him from driving with the kids totally before then...I had spoken to her multiple times about providing him alcohol but she is herself mentally not there all the way if you know what I mean. She has 3 children and every one of them have some sort of mental/emotional issue.
She herself abused her children physically and continues to emotionally and verbally. They just put up with it.
Once she came over to our house before my husband and I split, my mother was here visiting..she had called and my husband told her she could not talk to our daughter who is special needs because she was in time out...she was in a biting stage and had bit little brother..so I put her in time out on her bed for a few minutes..however this angered the MIL and she came over in a rage..she told my mother I was abusing my daughter and started yelling and raging in front of my children...my mother was in shock..I grabbed the kids went inside and packed them up and took them and my mother to the store..not before telling my husband to get off the computer he is always on and dealing with his mother..she was gone when we got home...my reason for telling this is this is a usual thing for her to do..however I have been able to mostly shield the children from this so far.
I do not like this woman, I think she is very unstable, as is my soon to be ex...he is living in the basement apartment of the home we rent from MIL, yikes...and so she thinks she can come over uannounced any time and just walk in, the kids love her so I allow her to come visit here without complaint..however
She is very controlling, and always wants me to drive the kids up to see her at her farm...an hour away, and my soon to be ex has not made any support payments to me..he puts in the bare minimum for food each week but not much more..I've had to dip into savings quite a bit to pay for gas. To drive them up there when she can more easily come here is beyond my means right now and truthfully I don't like the woman and think she is a nasty person overall.
Today she showed up...kids have been sick the last 2 days and she keeps calling but I don't answer because I simply don't want to listen to her nag about bringing the kids up again...
Last week I asked her to come and watch the kids...I had an MRI appointment..first and last time I've asked her to babysit....she did but when I got home she was gone...my special needs daughter opened the front door as I was putting the key in and no one was upstairs watching her...a few minutes later my son came up and I asked what where you doing, he said watching tv with Papa....so my daughter was alone upstairs and opened the door to me or whoever was at it!!! I was angry..so today I told her I was upset with her for leaving before I got home...lots of excuses and then accusations about me not being a nice person for not letting her poor son watch the kids..etc...everything is poor this and poor that...and all my fault for not putting up with his drinking...
What brought on our separation was I got tired of his drunkeness and poured it all out...he came up and told me to take the kids and go find somewhere else to live....that was the end of our marriage...
I send the kids downstairs as often as they want to go...however I have told ex because of his past drunk driving with the children I do not want him driving them..but I will transport them to where he wants..I even offered to bring them up to MIL's on Christmas eve and leave them for about 8 hours so he could spend the eve with his family and children, however he said no he didn't want to go...so I went up with the kids. I invited him to Christmas morning so he could watch his children open their presents..his answer was..."why so you can call the cops and get a restraining order?" OMG what? He's referring to the fact that he had one on him when he got arrested for domestic violence against me..however I did not call police then, he did, he was drunk and was being a smart a$$ and pushed me, when I said if you do that again I'll call the cops, so he went downstairs and called them and then brought me the phone, I said hello and the 911 lady said " Are you ok? He's very drunk isn't he?" My only answer was yes and she said they were on the way....they arrested him because he pushed me. The reason he pushed me? I tipped a chair over when I was trying to get it unstuck from under the table, it had a baby seat on it and was jammed...when it tipped he jumped up and grabbed it and threw it across the room and said "Lets just break up all the furniture" Then he picked up another and was about to throw it in the direction of our son who was only 1, I pulled it away from him and when I did he pushed me... But for some reason, that is my fault too...
I have tried to be nice, civil, but I know MIL is going to get real nasty when I request support from her poor baby...I guess what I am hoping for is opinions on the best way to proceed...
I would like Sole Custody..I don't mind him visiting the kids as much as he wants and they want but since there are so many medical issues surrounding my daughter and his instability with the alcohol abuse and I believe he is not mentally stable either..other family members have expressed concern about him possibly hurting himself at some point, I would like to know if anyone thinks I have a chance at Sole Custody...I have a number of emails concerning the children at Christmas and all he was concerned about was the assets that I have in my bank account..he didn't even want to see his kids then...
Also, would I be required to bring my kids up to the grandmothers whenever she wants?? Its her total disregard for my daughters need of medications and special diet to control her medical issues that is frightening...her "Oh a little won't hurt her" attitude could put my daughter in the hospital..a little CAN hurt her.
So anyway today when she was pushing about coming up and then getting hostile about me not being nice to her boy, in front of the kids, I said to her she is not to talk about this in front of my children, she continued so I told her to leave my home...she left angry. I am upset by this and I guess looking for a little support....I have no family here...however, my brother in law's wife is extremely sympathetic and feels the same about her but is out of town so I'm just looking for a bit of advise......and of course as with everyone here...there will be more to come!! Thanks in advance!!
btw, I am a stay at home mom, unable to work because of the often medical needs of our daughter which I have been in total charge of since the day she was born...he does not even know the names of all her doctors..and has only been to 1 appointment that I can recall, I take care of her when sick, do all the medical appointments, give her medications, monitor her diet, do all her school meetings and take care of our younger son too!!
A little history, my husband and I split back in October, he is an alcoholic and does not seem to want to change or acknowledge this even tho he has in the past gone through court ordered rehab...Before October he drove our children twice drunk...once with me and my brother and sister in law in the vehicle..none of us knew he had been drinking until we were well down the road, a frightening experience since he refused to stop. Another time he came home obviously drunk with the kids both times from his mothers who see's no problem in him drinking "a little". I'm feeling total guilt for not stopping him from driving with the kids totally before then...I had spoken to her multiple times about providing him alcohol but she is herself mentally not there all the way if you know what I mean. She has 3 children and every one of them have some sort of mental/emotional issue.
She herself abused her children physically and continues to emotionally and verbally. They just put up with it.
Once she came over to our house before my husband and I split, my mother was here visiting..she had called and my husband told her she could not talk to our daughter who is special needs because she was in time out...she was in a biting stage and had bit little brother..so I put her in time out on her bed for a few minutes..however this angered the MIL and she came over in a rage..she told my mother I was abusing my daughter and started yelling and raging in front of my children...my mother was in shock..I grabbed the kids went inside and packed them up and took them and my mother to the store..not before telling my husband to get off the computer he is always on and dealing with his mother..she was gone when we got home...my reason for telling this is this is a usual thing for her to do..however I have been able to mostly shield the children from this so far.
I do not like this woman, I think she is very unstable, as is my soon to be ex...he is living in the basement apartment of the home we rent from MIL, yikes...and so she thinks she can come over uannounced any time and just walk in, the kids love her so I allow her to come visit here without complaint..however
She is very controlling, and always wants me to drive the kids up to see her at her farm...an hour away, and my soon to be ex has not made any support payments to me..he puts in the bare minimum for food each week but not much more..I've had to dip into savings quite a bit to pay for gas. To drive them up there when she can more easily come here is beyond my means right now and truthfully I don't like the woman and think she is a nasty person overall.
Today she showed up...kids have been sick the last 2 days and she keeps calling but I don't answer because I simply don't want to listen to her nag about bringing the kids up again...
Last week I asked her to come and watch the kids...I had an MRI appointment..first and last time I've asked her to babysit....she did but when I got home she was gone...my special needs daughter opened the front door as I was putting the key in and no one was upstairs watching her...a few minutes later my son came up and I asked what where you doing, he said watching tv with Papa....so my daughter was alone upstairs and opened the door to me or whoever was at it!!! I was angry..so today I told her I was upset with her for leaving before I got home...lots of excuses and then accusations about me not being a nice person for not letting her poor son watch the kids..etc...everything is poor this and poor that...and all my fault for not putting up with his drinking...
What brought on our separation was I got tired of his drunkeness and poured it all out...he came up and told me to take the kids and go find somewhere else to live....that was the end of our marriage...
I send the kids downstairs as often as they want to go...however I have told ex because of his past drunk driving with the children I do not want him driving them..but I will transport them to where he wants..I even offered to bring them up to MIL's on Christmas eve and leave them for about 8 hours so he could spend the eve with his family and children, however he said no he didn't want to go...so I went up with the kids. I invited him to Christmas morning so he could watch his children open their presents..his answer was..."why so you can call the cops and get a restraining order?" OMG what? He's referring to the fact that he had one on him when he got arrested for domestic violence against me..however I did not call police then, he did, he was drunk and was being a smart a$$ and pushed me, when I said if you do that again I'll call the cops, so he went downstairs and called them and then brought me the phone, I said hello and the 911 lady said " Are you ok? He's very drunk isn't he?" My only answer was yes and she said they were on the way....they arrested him because he pushed me. The reason he pushed me? I tipped a chair over when I was trying to get it unstuck from under the table, it had a baby seat on it and was jammed...when it tipped he jumped up and grabbed it and threw it across the room and said "Lets just break up all the furniture" Then he picked up another and was about to throw it in the direction of our son who was only 1, I pulled it away from him and when I did he pushed me... But for some reason, that is my fault too...
I have tried to be nice, civil, but I know MIL is going to get real nasty when I request support from her poor baby...I guess what I am hoping for is opinions on the best way to proceed...
I would like Sole Custody..I don't mind him visiting the kids as much as he wants and they want but since there are so many medical issues surrounding my daughter and his instability with the alcohol abuse and I believe he is not mentally stable either..other family members have expressed concern about him possibly hurting himself at some point, I would like to know if anyone thinks I have a chance at Sole Custody...I have a number of emails concerning the children at Christmas and all he was concerned about was the assets that I have in my bank account..he didn't even want to see his kids then...
Also, would I be required to bring my kids up to the grandmothers whenever she wants?? Its her total disregard for my daughters need of medications and special diet to control her medical issues that is frightening...her "Oh a little won't hurt her" attitude could put my daughter in the hospital..a little CAN hurt her.
So anyway today when she was pushing about coming up and then getting hostile about me not being nice to her boy, in front of the kids, I said to her she is not to talk about this in front of my children, she continued so I told her to leave my home...she left angry. I am upset by this and I guess looking for a little support....I have no family here...however, my brother in law's wife is extremely sympathetic and feels the same about her but is out of town so I'm just looking for a bit of advise......and of course as with everyone here...there will be more to come!! Thanks in advance!!
btw, I am a stay at home mom, unable to work because of the often medical needs of our daughter which I have been in total charge of since the day she was born...he does not even know the names of all her doctors..and has only been to 1 appointment that I can recall, I take care of her when sick, do all the medical appointments, give her medications, monitor her diet, do all her school meetings and take care of our younger son too!!
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