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  • #31
    Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
    Is she a good mother to the kid(s) otherwise?
    If she's buying them used clothing and that's your main issue with her, you should be so lucky. Does she neglect your child(ren) in any other way?
    Used clothing is not going to kill your child.
    Be happy that your child is safe and in a healthly environment, has food to eat and a roof over her head.
    Be happy that she's not abusing the children, spending money on booze and drugs etc.
    See what Im getting at?
    I have been bashed like crazy when I started here cause I had lots of safety issues and had a hard time letting go of alot of things.
    I got some tough love (ha!) from some senior posters and learned to try to focus more on my child then the ex and it's gotten me that much more ahead.
    Do you really think I would come on here and disclose all those issues. I would be Violating my daughter's privacy.

    When your child gets hurt you have the right to know how she/he got hurt from a child care facility. Well apparently because of this restraining order that bares me from the mother and not the child I am not entitled to that information.

    At my last case conference the Judge was pretty upset to learn that she was using this restraining order to bare me from information about my daughter. All I want is 50/50 I am not trying to take her rights away and I am not trying to limit her rights, I just want equal rights.
    She is attacking my spending habits. That is why I was asking for advice about her spending habits.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by jaysneed View Post
      Do you really think I would come on here and disclose all those issues. I would be Violating my daughter's privacy.
      Not sure what you mean about this??

      Originally posted by jaysneed View Post
      When your child gets hurt you have the right to know how she/he got hurt from a child care facility. Well apparently because of this restraining order that bares me from the mother and not the child I am not entitled to that information.

      At my last case conference the Judge was pretty upset to learn that she was using this restraining order to bare me from information about my daughter. All I want is 50/50 I am not trying to take her rights away and I am not trying to limit her rights, I just want equal rights.
      She is attacking my spending habits. That is why I was asking for advice about her spending habits.
      You have the right to your daughter's health care from her doctor and any other information regarding your child.
      If the judge was upset about the restraining order and that you were not getting information, how come nothing was done then?
      Seriously, you have to let go of who's spending what and where!!!!
      You are just digging yourself a deeper grave, stop focusing on this non sense and start focusing on what you can do to get yourself out of this mess and how you can get your daughter back into your life.
      But if you continue on bringing up money, money, money, wanting an increase in time and a decrease in cs, your ex has every right to be worried that it's about the money and not the child.

      Comment


      • #33
        Hey Jaysneed,
        Start your own thread or post, we just totally made a mess of another person's thread

        Comment


        • #34
          Hii

          Divorce/separation/courts Its like going through hell.We all went through it but believe me time is a great healer.Anything that doesn't kill you makes you a stronger person.All I can say is stay positive and concentrate only on your child.Do your best and leave to God the rest.

          Notice Of assessment shows her taxable income(excluding the CCTB's and Child support).But when doing financial for court purpose every single penny is counted child support,CCTB's and UCCB's.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
            Not sure what you mean about this??



            You have the right to your daughter's health care from her doctor and any other information regarding your child.
            If the judge was upset about the restraining order and that you were not getting information, how come nothing was done then?
            Seriously, you have to let go of who's spending what and where!!!!
            You are just digging yourself a deeper grave, stop focusing on this non sense and start focusing on what you can do to get yourself out of this mess and how you can get your daughter back into your life.
            But if you continue on bringing up money, money, money, wanting an increase in time and a decrease in cs, your ex has every right to be worried that it's about the money and not the child.
            I don't want a decrease because I want more access. I want a decrease because the amount I made last year is not according to the Guidelines.
            She wants me to continue paying for daycare even though she submitted a letter from Peel subsidy that she no longer contributes towards the daycare costs. She was order to retroactively pay back from when she stopped paying. Now here is the catch, the judge order her to release payment information form daycare and piano. And also how much of my expenditures did it cover the cost, which she couldn't even disclose. The Judge got fed up and set it to a later date but she has to retroactively pay back.

            My ex has been claiming since July 2007 she has been paying $9 a day. she was ordered that cost but from February 2008. The receipts from daycare show at the time in July 2007 she was only paying $2.55/day, not until September 2009 did she start paying $9.02.
            What If I can prove she hasn't been paying $9/day since July 07? Should I just ignore this?

            Comment


            • #36
              start your own thread!!!!! Please
              AND LEAVE IT OPEN, SAY THIS IS MY PROBLEM......
              That would invite everyone to post whatever they think of YOUR situation and help with your problems.

              Sorry to the original poster.............
              Last edited by tugofwar; 06-28-2010, 05:06 PM.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by jaysneed View Post
                Ok HammerDad, My income has decreased so I brought a motion to vary, she is claiming that I am not entitled to any relief because of my spending habits and asked for me to provide my bank statements from the time of separation to current.
                You are entitled to relief because that is what the law provides. C/S is income based, you make X you pay Y. You c/s payment should be treated the same in both increases and decreases in earnings. To be treated otherwise is unfair to the payor and not constiutional.

                1. she claims on her financial statement she made $14K for 2009 but on her Notice of Assessment shows under $5K.

                2. She failed to mention on her financial statement about her car.
                All you do is bring up the disrepancy during pre-trial or at the case conference. See how she reacts. Her income really isn't the issue when it comes to C/S, but does explain why she may be shopping at 2nd hand stores.

                3. She gave me two conflicting affidavits stating that she wants my access cut off because I am always late dropping her off at the police station whereas she doesn't even drive and she always arrives on time. I have tried to get proof from the Police officers of her arriving late and they say they can't get involved. Now it is a case of He said she said.
                And unfortunately most cases are he/she said BS. All you can do is document the time you arrive in a journal. Take a time/date stamped picture of the clock on the wall at the station to prove you were there on time. In this case, your ability to show documentation that you were on time kills her story and also hurts her credibility. One thing you will learn in a divorce case is that documentation is everything.

                4. She has denied me all my holidays that were awarded to me in 2007 to present.
                Did you show up at the exchange place and document that you were there? If she denied access you must take her to court EACH time.

                What I would be doing if I were you, is confirming to her via email that you are exercising your ordered/agreed holiday time, and that you expect the child(ren) to be at the exchange point in accordance with the order/agreement. Then show up, if they no-show, you wait 30 minutes and send them a text asking when they anticipate showing up. Wait another 30 minutes take a picture of the clock on the wall and document that they no showed.

                You then send an email to the ex stating that you were at the exchange point to exercise your parenting time. State (in a child centric manner) that it is in the child's best interests to have an involved relationship with both parents and that each parents parenting time is important, and in this regard you request make-up time at the earliest possible date for the missed time.

                Rinse and repeat. Document every missed access. Take her to court on the manner and then show the judge that she missed X parenting time, you've requested make-up time and received none and the remedy you seek is more access with the child as it is in the childs best interests that their relationship with you be maintained.

                5. She has picked my daughter up from daycare and asked me to come to her house to pick her up, even lying to Officers saying there was no restraining order. He had to tell her he was looking at the Final Order that states pick up and drop-off is from daycare and to Police station.
                Get a copy of the police report and bring it with you to court. Again it will hurt her credibility. But also DO NOT get sucked into the trap of going to her house against the RO. It is a trap and do not fall for it.

                6. Claiming that the restraining order needs to stay on because I have been calling daycare and piano school for my daughter attendance records and payment information. Because I called these places she is claiming third party harassment and if it is removed I will harass her. Keep in mind I only contact her through emails, because of all this and so that it can documented. I have an text message from her telling me to go ask them myself.
                You turn this around on her by stating that due to her inability or unwillingness to co-parent you are forced to seek this information from the service providers directly. If you have emails from her asking for information on the child and the childs service providers and she responded with anything but the requested information, it will further prove your point that she can't or is unwilling to co-parent. But again, you need documentation.

                Also, I hope it goes without saying that all emails you send to the ex are child centric and relate only to matters involving the child. Do not respond to anything that is not child related. If she insults you, don't respond, just save the email. Don't get baited into a pissing match with her.

                7. Since separation she has been trying to reconcile with me, I have facebook entries saying she wants this court stuff to end, meanwhile it was her who constantly brought me back to court, and that I need to let the past go even though I said nothing of such sorts. The only argument between me and her was to see my daughter. Now if you want to call it harassment because I want to see my daughter then so be it. I have letters written from her admitting to being verbally and mentally abusive and she claims she never wrote them.
                Save the letters put them in front of the judge at the appropriate time with all of your other documentation. It will show a pattern and hurt her credibility.

                But your focus right now needs to be on "How Can I be a Better Dad". If you go to court saying how aweful your ex is and you are the better parent because she is so bad, you will lose...simple as that. You need to show the court that you are a capable, stable individual who cares deeply for his child and that you've taken steps to improve your parenting skills and lifestyle to better provide for your child.

                What Can I do? Is it good enough or am I still be too focused on all the accusations against me?
                First thing I can think of is this - What do you want from this divorce/separation process? You need to answer that question first and foremost.

                The accusations, you take each of them, one by one and write out a rebuttable. This is just for you and for stratigizing moving forward on how you can avoid her stating such things. This is not for the ex to see. Also, you need to filter out what is air and what is important. Child related stuff, important. You're a bad dad because you didn't call the other night, air. Put it in the "stupid box" (I have one of those now, it helps a lot). But the best defence to random accusations is documentation. She says you were late, your documentation/pictures proves otherwise. She's lost one round. Rinse and repeat.

                Also, if you can show the court that you've taken a parenting after divorce class, maybe get CPR certification or other parenting classes, she will be hard pressed to argue that you don't have the parenting skills necessary to be a parent or aren't willing to do what is in the best interests of the child.

                You need to relax a little IMO. I've gone through this for about 5 years now. I was in your spot in the beginning and how learnt coping mechanisms.

                First one I learnt was to only communicate via email.

                Second was to keep things child centre and ignore anything that is not about the child.

                Third was not to get baited into justifying yourself or defending why you did what you did, or why you are the way you are. This can only lead to argument.

                Forth was I learnt how not to put myself in a situation that can turn bad.

                Anyway, you need to focus your energy away from the bad ex and onto bettering yourself. You will win way more battles that way.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by jaysneed View Post
                  So what are you here for then? To get advice. I didn't expect all of your comments. If you have no advice why leave anything at all.
                  And like most other people I had no choice to represent myself.
                  Actually, I am mostly here to GIVE advice, and to learn from others.

                  Unfortunately YOU are here to whine and complain, to ask for advice and then argue with it. YOu should start with questioning your own motives, as mine are quite clear to me.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Yeah, you give really good advice...lol quite frankly you act like you know what a Judge is going to rule out baseless or not, and what you keep calling whining and complaining, the Judge doesn't so who are you? miss i want 40/60 because i dont know if 50/50 is in the best interests (Ok? whaaaat!!! did i miss something? who's the angry person?) and you'd rather look better than your kids to maintain your spending habits, and oh i really like this one "CHILD Support is the mothers money" you don't ask for child support only to buy a boats,cars etc. and put your kids in lower quality clothes if you don't need to so Please Lady, the big difference between me and you is; I am fighting for more equality in which would be in my child's best interests and a bonus for both parents to get to see their child not your or my, Grow up and no one gets to lose a second. yes i am disappointed not angry because it isn't this way. So just be glad you have what you have which is more than a lot of people and it isn't easy, so why make it harder, the most i can say is you have the option of take or losing those seconds your lucky and insensitive at this point what ever, take it anyway you want i'll still read every post with an open mind ....!!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      It's amazing how every time you post you claim the child support is being spent on more and more extravagent items.

                      The LAW says you have no right to dictate what the money gets spent on. Instead of fighting with people here over it if you have a problem with it then go lobby to get it changed. Let us know how it goes.

                      And still....GO START YOUR OWN THREAD.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by jaysneed View Post
                        Yeah, you give really good advice...lol quite frankly you act like you know what a Judge is going to rule out baseless or not, and what you keep calling whining and complaining, the Judge doesn't so who are you? miss i want 40/60 because i dont know if 50/50 is in the best interests (Ok? whaaaat!!! did i miss something? who's the angry person?) and you'd rather look better than your kids to maintain your spending habits, and oh i really like this one "CHILD Support is the mothers money" you don't ask for child support only to buy a boats,cars etc. and put your kids in lower quality clothes if you don't need to so Please Lady, the big difference between me and you is; I am fighting for more equality in which would be in my child's best interests and a bonus for both parents to get to see their child not your or my, Grow up and no one gets to lose a second. yes i am disappointed not angry because it isn't this way. So just be glad you have what you have which is more than a lot of people and it isn't easy, so why make it harder, the most i can say is you have the option of take or losing those seconds your lucky and insensitive at this point what ever, take it anyway you want i'll still read every post with an open mind ....!!
                        Thank you. You have just proven my point and everyone else's on here.

                        Your opinion on me cannot be made by searching through my own posts to bash me over the head with. There are good reasons why I struggle with my decision, and I have the support of several people on here who's opinion I value. Yours I do not.

                        I have not asked for your opinion, nor do I think it is valid. You are angry, destructive and if this is the kind of person you show to your ex and child then there is a good reason for the situation you find yourself in.

                        Get yourself some legal help. mental help whatever. If you have some constuctive advice, provide it. But bashing me, or the other posters because you can't handle any opinion other than yours is vindictive and childish.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Am I the only one who has noticed the absence of angry responses to the MEN who have disagreed with him or snarky comments about the men who recieve support?

                          Billie, you have done a great job ensuring fairness and equality for your family, your child, yourself and your ex. I applaud you for the amount of time you spend considering what is the best choice and most fair for all of you. Kudos to you!

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Thanks Blink!

                            I actually VALUE your opinion!

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              You're very welcome!

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                And it is funny the same 2 people who want to take the father's rights away from their children are the ones giving advice. Everyone who wants all rights stripped away from their ex speak to Billiechic and BlinkandImgone. What have you guys posted that was in the best interest of your children. You may have won your battle now but when the truth and one day it will come out, will backfire on you.
                                Advice to everyone stay faithful and really think and put your children first.
                                Do they really need you getting advice from people who took the other parents rights away all for what? Just for extra money in your pocket. Thats the best interest for your child.

                                Comment

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