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  • Family doctor recommended to stop visitation

    My d11 has been diagnosed as having PTSD from my ex taking his personal belongings and leaving while the kids and I were away over night. Ex left a note explaining why our 12 year marriage was over and d11 found it and read it before I even knew it existed. We were all very blindsided.

    My question is, the family doctor says my daughter should not be going to visits with her Dad as it is too stressful. Her Dad is pretty clueless when it comes to emotional issues but in the grand scheme of things, is a decent father. He has a hard time understanding D11's struggles and says she should "just move on".....D11 does not want to go on visitation.

    D11 is in therapy which will include "reconcilliation counselling" with her Dad when appropriate. He is willing to attend with her.

    Lawyer said that it is possible D11 is just trying to use it as a power play and that I need to send D11 on visitation.

    Follow the doc's recommendation or the lawyer? D11 does not want to go. To complicate matters, ex is a 4rth year resident physician himself.

    Thanks.
    Last edited by SadAndTired; 10-18-2012, 07:00 PM. Reason: Clarity

  • #2
    I would think that at this point, you'd have to follow your court order (if you have one) until you file a motion to have it changed, otherwise run the risk of finding yourself in contempt.

    Has the doctor written a report or affidavit or placed a call to CAS?

    Comment


    • #3
      There is no order. There isn't even a legal agreement for visitation. I have just been trying to faciliate the relationship between my girls and their Dad. They love and need him but he has made some very selfish, very hurtful (to them) decisions.

      I don't know if a call to CAS is needed as he didn't intentionally try to hurt the kids. She was terribly affected by the letter but I don't know if that could be characterized as abuse.

      The doc would put her recommendation in writing if I asked.

      Comment


      • #4
        Unless the doctor thinks it's serious enough to call CAS as being a danger to the child, it isn't likely to hold much weight if he takes you to court for denial of access.

        Really, without an order he legally has the same rights as you do. Consider how you'd feel/what you'd do if the child went to his place, stated she didn't want to come back to yours and he simply said 'ok' and went with it.

        My guess is your ass would be down to the courthouse before the sun set.

        You need to get an agreement made. Also consider, you cannot facilitate repairing the relationship between the two of them if you let one party opt out. Again, shoe-foot etc.

        The kid is 11 years old, she isn't in control of the situation, nor should she be given control of the situation. She needs to realize that Dad is the parent, reinforced by you and you need to allow him the opportunity to parent EQUALLY.

        I know you feel you're protecting your child, but by letting an 11 year old make adult decisions, you may be doing much more harm than good.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks Blink

          No, I am not letting the 11 year old decide. Just relating her feelings as it is the depression she is feeling that is prompting the doctor to recommend she not go.

          Ultimately, I do want them to have a great relationship with their Dad. I try to be really, really mindful of the things that I do that could hurt their relationship. I cannot make him participate more or fully but I have done everything I can to be helpful to the process (nightly phone calls from him, open access, etc.) Their Dad doesn't see them as often as he could. He is wrapped up in his own needs.

          I guess, what I was really asking is if I should listen to the doc or get in some sort of trouble for not listening to the doctor...... I do think that the visitations are hard for D11 but divorce certainly isn't easy, is it?

          Thanks again.

          Comment


          • #6
            You will need to weigh the pros and cons of the situation and the possible outcomes of whatever you choose:

            1 - you let kidlet go to her dad's and the two of them sort it out, he continues to be her dad as she knew him to be and they carry on.

            2 - you don't let kidlet go, dad takes you to court and files for sole custody on the basis of denial of access and possible parental alienation.

            Honestly, if the doctor truly feels there is a danger to the child, he/she is obligated to call police/CAS and report it. From what I gether that hasn't happened. Even if the doctor writes a recommendation, it is simply a recommendation and dad has every right to take the kidlet to another doctor for a second, unbiased opinion, of which you may get a completely different recommendation.

            IMO, you should be taking the kidlet to see her dad (as per lawyer's advice) and not reinforce her feelings that he is a bad man by not taking her. She may have read the letter etc, however he is divorcing you, not her.

            Tough situation but...that's my 2 cents.

            Comment


            • #7
              I think it is unconscionable for a doctor to make a recomendation that a child be alienated from their parent. The child is not in physical danger and unless there is cause for the doctor to report the father to the CAS, they are being completely unprofessional and inappropriate.

              From your description there is certainly cause for the three of you to go to family counselling to address what has happened.

              Perhaps it is possible you misunderstood the doctor's comments. Otherwise, if a doctor said anything like this either to me about my ex, or to my ex about me, I would be filing a complaint with the College of Physicians and Surgeons.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                My d11 has been diagnosed as having PTSD from my ex taking his personal belongings and leaving while the kids and I were away over night. Ex left a note explaining why our 12 year marriage was over and d11 found it and read it before I even knew it existed. We were all very blindsided.

                My question is, the family doctor says my daughter should not be going to visits with her Dad as it is too stressful. Her Dad is pretty clueless when it comes to emotional issues but in the grand scheme of things, is a decent father. He has a hard time understanding D11's struggles and says she should "just move on".....D11 does not want to go on visitation.

                D11 is in therapy which will include "reconcilliation counselling" with her Dad when appropriate. He is willing to attend with her.

                Lawyer said that it is possible D11 is just trying to use it as a power play and that I need to send D11 on visitation.

                Follow the doc's recommendation or the lawyer? D11 does not want to go. To complicate matters, ex is a 4rth year resident physician himself.

                Thanks.
                Find a new doctor. Get another opinion. SPeak to a Psychiatrist before making a decsion against sending D11 to her access with Dad.

                D11 is not the adult, you are. Doctor is compelled to be prudent on the side of err.

                The error here would be for access to be interupted without Psychiatric consultation beforehand.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Who diagnosed your daughter?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    1) Your doctor is an idiot and most likely a personal friend who has been swayed by your "jibber jabber"
                    2) a MD is not in any position to diagnose emotional issues and if he is trying to do so he's over reaching
                    3) make, no DARE him to put it on paper. I bet you he doesn't.

                    If any MD said this nonsense to me, either pro or con, I would contacting the College of physicians and then filing a civil claim

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I agree with previous posters. I'd be shopping for another family doctor. Family physicians are "generalists" and if your doctor suspects your daughter has a psychological disorder he should have referred her to a specialist who deals with children (not just a run-of-the-mill psychologist).


                      It is not inconceivable that your daughter is manipulating the situation. I'm sure other posters can recommending some literature for you to read on this subject.

                      Best of luck with your situation.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        I agree with previous posters. I'd be shopping for another family doctor. Family physicians are "generalists" and if your doctor suspects your daughter has a psychological disorder he should have referred her to a specialist who deals with children (not just a run-of-the-mill psychologist).


                        It is not inconceivable that your daughter is manipulating the situation. I'm sure other posters can recommending some literature for you to read on this subject.

                        Best of luck with your situation.
                        You'll still have issues with any report. I had one psych report, my ex had one. Both were done by "respected" therapist yet came to two different conclusions. We got lucky and had a cool Judge that day and he seriously looked high but was cool as heck. He basically laughed it off and asked both me and my ex (not the lawyers) what we would like him to do? (of course it was rhetorical). He basically said he trued the OCL report and nothing else would sway him. we got very lucky we got him that day I think a more stressed Judge would have gave to us that day. Family law is becoming a jungle and the Judges seem very pissy.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Most high confrontational family court lawyers have a list of biased psychologists they can and do request for issues such as these. Psychologists are different from psychiatrists. I am sure a seasoned judge knows the difference.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by arabian View Post
                            Most high confrontational family court lawyers have a list of biased psychologists they can and do request for issues such as these. Psychologists are different from psychiatrists. I am sure a seasoned judge knows the difference.

                            Psychiatrist are just as bad and easily bought.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I wasn't referring to bribery. There are some psychologists who are known to be "pro female" and others who are known to be "pro male." These people get most of their referrals from lawyers and spend many, many hours in the court rooms. If you've ever tried to get in to see a medical specialist (such as an orthopedic surgeon or psychiatrist) you would know how difficult it is to get an appointment before 6 months.

                              No I don't believe psychologists are the same as psychiatrists.

                              Comment

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