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  • Daycare question

    In a couple of weeks school is over. My ex arranged for daycare for my 12 year old and 8 year old without consulting with me. My question is, I asked her if I can keep the children with me during the day since I work afternoons. She said NO. Do I stand any grounds fighting this? We have no seperation aggreement as of yet. It's been 3.5 years now that we been following the every Wednesday and every other weekend schedule. it just frustrates me that the children could be with me and she has to control the situation even if it cost us more money and even if the children tell her they would rather be with me.

    Tahnks for any reply

  • #2
    Maybe I am bias, but I generally feel a child no matter what the age is better off in the care of a parent rather than daycare.

    I find it a bit surprising that your 12 year old is enrolled in daycare. I do think your former spouse does not want the children with you during the day as it may mean that the 40% threshold for payable child support purposes might be crossed.

    If you did decide to litigate, the first step would be a case conference and there is a good chance the Judge would recommend which way the court would rule.


    lv

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    • #3
      A Question??? If no sep agreemnet or court order in place, why would you have to ask for "permission" to have the children with you rather than day care in this situation. If she objects she can bring you in front of a judge and explain why day care is better for the children than time with dad (not to mention more cost effective). I was under the impression until the courts order otherwise parents have equal rights to thier children. Just wondering? I do not wish to appear radical but barring being forbidden by court order I would not feel that I need the other parents permission to either see or communicate with my children. Of course 3 years of status quo well that is surely what she would try to use as a reason I presume.
      Last edited by today; 06-18-2008, 07:33 PM.

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      • #4
        I tend to side with "Today".
        I would simply explain to her that your schedule can accommodate the children’s summer schedule.
        Maybe if you explain the cost savings in “dollars” and that a 12 year old surely doesn't want to be in day care!!

        Or since she seems to be a controlling type of person, present it in such a way as to make her think she's making the choice.
        Try asking again, outline the times when you'll be picking them up and dropping them off, then "ask her" if she wouldn't mind giving it a try for a while, and if the kids are not comfortable with the arrangement or they would prefer an alternate arrangement then she could re-arrange to have the children going to day time child care.
        If you can let her think it's her choice to give this a temporary try, with the understanding that if it doesn't work out "she can" make other arrangements. Then maybe you will get the kids for the summer during the day time.

        After a few weeks with you I'm sure the kids wouldn't want to spend time at day care if they have their own place where they do not have to be with other children all the time.

        Just a thought

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        • #5
          I think the resistance to Dad's plan v. daycare is not about the children but rather the 40% threshold being surpassed for child support purposes.

          Also, to go out on a limb, I would speculate that the other parent may see their status quo positon weakened if the matter was litigated. These are just some my thoughts. If the children were in Dad's care just about every day or second day in lieu of daycare, this pretty much suggests that a final shared custodial regime is in order for the children.

          lv

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          • #6
            Thank you all for your responses. I have tried to outline the savings if I were to have the children through out the day time. But she won't budge. Even though I told her I would still pay het the full child support she still refuses.
            She most likely has been informed that it could hinder the current arrangement.

            I have thought of calling my lawyer and taking action but then I think about how much it will cost me in the long run. If I pay daycare it's approx 1000 for the summer, If i fight her it will cost me at least 2000 and by the time it's resolved the summer will be over.

            It's all about control and money with my ex. I will be fighting for shared custody once our lawyers start the proceedings again. Things seem to be on a hault for now.

            Thanks again.

            Comment


            • #7
              When you do the $$$ math you might want to take a longer view. Do you anticipate this situation arising next summer? What about at Christmas holiday time, March Break?
              Perhaps it is worth it to fight the battle now?

              Another thing to consider is the message you are sending to your ex with respect to your willingness to stand up for what is right. By not defending what sounds to me like a pefectly reasonable position she may continue to push you. Perhaps taking a stand now will let her know that not being reasonable will cost her also?

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              • #8
                I agree with wondering50. By letting it happen now, you are creating a prejudice against you.

                Comment

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