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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 06-04-2021, 09:42 AM
Movingforward2021 Movingforward2021 is offline
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Default How does one change scheduled time with the kids?

My ex and I have been separated since 2015, divorced finalized in 2020.

Our Separation agreement was finalized in Dec 2019 and based on that I had alternating weekends with the kids.


There are a number of reasons why it was settled at this; high conflict, control, financially drained etc.,



The kids want week to week but my ex will not allow it. They have actually been coming to me more and more over the past few months but ex refuses to officially change anything.



I've already sent her an email asking for the change, I was immediately shot down with phrases like "I can’t have kids away from me at any circumstance." "It doesn’t work for me".



She also says that if the kids want to spend more time with me they can just call me when they want me to come and pick them up, then drop them off after a few hours. The challenge with this is lack of routine, support for their homework, etc.,



According to our agreement we should be leveraging mediation. Any advice in how to best approach this situation?

The eldest is 10 and youngest is 7.



Thank you for any suggestions.
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Old 06-04-2021, 09:59 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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How long has this been going on? You may want to wait six months and then advise you wish to change the order to week about due to the updated schedule. If she refuses you could offer to keep cs the same (more than likely her issue) and see what happens. If not, you would need to file for a change as she will not agree to mediation.

Almost all agreements say mediation before court but both parties have to agree to go forward. If she disagrees then there is no point.


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  #3  
Old 06-04-2021, 02:55 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Same question as rockscan, how long has this been happening?

Given covid, I don't think that even 6 months is long enough. If you make too much noise now, your ex can reinstate the agreement schedule. Be nice, pay your child support, don't complain.

If you are close to 50% a year from now, maybe think about asking for an official change.

Think of the child support you will pay over the next year as your financial punishment for making an agreement too quickly. If you move too quickly now, your next bout of official punishment will be for 5 years.

Take your time.
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Old 06-05-2021, 10:14 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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A 2019 consent parenting time order is going to be impossible to overturn. Courts do NOT like to put aside consent Orders unless there has been something drastic - like a parent going to jail or charged with a violent crime against the children. It is recent too, so there is nothing that has happened in the past two years that you would be surprised about that would justify even looking at it again (you knew two years ago the children would be in school in their grade etc). Courts - and CHILDREN - want finality.

The children are too young to have an independent opinion, at that age they do NOT ask for week on/week off unless one parent has put that idea into their mind. Stop empowering them to think they have a say in adult matters as it may result in you losing parenting time if you push this before a judge.

Agree to pay the full child support and that you won't drag her back into conflict through mediation or court and then ask to increase your parenting time to less than week on/week off, but more than what you have, in some kind of schedule that works for both of you. And stick to your promise, don't destroy what sounds like a mostly positive co-parenting situation for the sake of an unwinable case.
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