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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 05-12-2021, 09:22 AM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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Thank you momof2teenboys,

I have sent a note. This has been my standard practice over the years, however the tactic that's often been used (sadly with a great deal of success) is that she did not consent and should not pay her share of the cost. In my case, there has been no response yet, however she is telling the child that she fully supports it, i believe this is just a legal tactic to state before court that she did not agree.
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  #12  
Old 05-12-2021, 09:26 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Apologies, I went back and looked at an old post and saw you have a SON not a daughter. Sorry for the confusion!!
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  #13  
Old 05-12-2021, 10:36 AM
momof2teenboys momof2teenboys is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilligan View Post
Thank you momof2teenboys,

I have sent a note. This has been my standard practice over the years, however the tactic that's often been used (sadly with a great deal of success) is that she did not consent and should not pay her share of the cost. In my case, there has been no response yet, however she is telling the child that she fully supports it, i believe this is just a legal tactic to state before court that she did not agree.
So give her a short amount of time to respond. If you don’t hear anything within a few days sent another email.
“I haven’t received an answer from you regarding child’s enrolment at A school. Can you please respond back by end of the week or we will have to look into the option of child attending B school in the fall instead.”

And yes, be prepared that your child will attend their second choice. Unless mom provides the consent needed there won’t be any choice. Get your numbers ready for school B and talk to you child about the change. If it really means that much to child to attend school A then he’ll have to get loans to pay the difference.
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  #14  
Old 05-12-2021, 11:26 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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It doesnt matter if she consents or not. This is a section 7 expense but its not the same as skating or soccer. She doesnt have to agree to an activity but she will have to contribute to school expenses. The only question will be if she would be forced to pay her share of going away. Then if she refuses to pay, kid bears the brunt of the costs.

This needs to be kept in mind and should be part of a discussion with your child. If mom refuses to pay her share, what is kid prepared to do? Kid should also be having this discussion with mom. Being with her 50/50 means they know her finances and what she is or isnt doing. Kid is old enough to ask mom flat out if she is prepared to pay her share. Otherwise kid will have to pay the rest. Mom could be saying oh your dad will cover it which isnt true.

It sounds more like you need to have a very frank discussion with your son and be prepared for him to be unhappy. Despite the fact this is your ex creating this problem, you have to be the grown up. You need to impress upon him that he will need to have at least $10,000 a year to contribute whether or not that comes from OSAP. Is kid going to get a job during the school year? Work full time through the summer?
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  #15  
Old 05-12-2021, 11:54 AM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I have to ask though...did you tell kid that her education would be paid for if she stayed home?
No really, regardless of staying home or going away, I would expect the child to have some "skin in the game".

I actually think Mom is encouraging my son to accept a program, even if it is away. She just doesn't seem to want to provide anything in writing because historically, it's been a legal game to try to get out of paying her proportionate share.

And to be fair, this isn't really a discussion of away vs. local university. My son has always been an introvert and going away for school would be good for him to grow up and develop strong friendships, something that would be a little more difficult to do if he was to stay local and take a bus to school. That's more of my opinion though, but something I would like him to have the opportunity to experience if he can.
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  #16  
Old 05-12-2021, 12:41 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Post secondary expenses are a special beast. A parent cant say they didnt agree in writing and get away with it. Education is important and judges will not let a parent off on a technicality like not agreeing writing. Its why post secondary is clearly stated in the guidelines. She can play whatever game she wants, she is still obligated to pay her share.

It sounds like you need to have that frank discussion with your son. Has he spoken to his mother about her contribution and has she confirmed? Even if you go to court, she will be beholden to the child because someone has to pay the costs and if you arent going to pay it, kid will be footing the bill.

I wouldnt put so much weight on going away to get him to come out of his shell. Living away from home can take a toll on an introvert and impact them mentally. Plus many introverts remain that way long after they hit adulthood regardless of their social situation. It could just be he hasnt found his people at high school.
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  #17  
Old 06-08-2021, 07:46 AM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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So, I have some updates to date and perhaps a few questions / requests.

Mom has agreed to child attending this program in writing. However, mom has taken the position that she will NOT vary any child support period, she expects me to pay her full offset. She states that she has retained a lawyer, however has instructed her lawyer to NOT communicate with me whatsoever. She's insisting that she will only discuss this if I retain a lawyer because she wants me to pay. Her lawyer has a long history of playing these games to create conflict. Currently, income information is being withheld (on mom's part), I've been forthcoming with all of my income disclosure, etc...

One question that keeps coming back in my reading, the guidance seems to indicate either 1) no support payable when child is away, or 2) a reduced amount of support is payable to the recipient parent.

How likely would #2 be? Child would be 5.5 hours away, in a coop program with no reasonable expectations of returning home with the possible exception of 4 months after the first year. Bearing in mind that we both maintain a home for the child (50/50 previously) and should both be payor parents.

Given the maneuvering happening, I'm inclined to obtain legal counsel, but want to protect my rights to costs. I've been thinking that I should serve an offer to settle. It rots me to have to pay for legal counsel when this can and should be settled between us. But if she will only talk with legal counsel, then she can be on the hook of those costs. Any advice or wording would be appreciated.
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  #18  
Old 06-08-2021, 07:59 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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There is no set wording on support because post secondary is so grey. Plus incomes make it challenging. The idea is that the support payor is paying living expenses for the child to be away. If the issue to maintain a home is so serious then the child should not be going away.

She cant tell you to get counsel. You are entitled to self rep. Costs are also tricky because she could decide to settle and you are out your expenses.

Make her on offer. Tell her you will pay the four months of offset averaged over the year. Or give her a hundred bucks a month for the months the kid is away. Tell her if she doesnt like it, you will participate in mediation. If that doesnt work, let her file. Put your foot down about the lawyer. Her lawyer is obligated to communicate with you especially if they file a court action.
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