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  • #46
    Whereas I think that we should just drop this, I did not mean to imply that the law should be ignored.

    You are not a law enforcement officer (I presume anyway). Your job is not to police your ex. If he gets caught by the police, that is his problem. The direction of the thread was that non-use of a car seat should result in filing with the CAS.

    Filing with the CAS will destroy any possibility of any communication between two parents. This is not a positive thing to do for the child. It is only positive if the alternative is that the child is in immediate danger from the other parent.

    In the example given in the original post it is not even clear what the situation is. The father is likely just being dismissive when the mother complains; "I'll do whatever I want". That doesn't mean he doesn't care about his child's safety, it means he doesn't care to hear nagging from his ex. We can all relate to that.

    Reports from children can be misleading. When my child was 6 he told me that he never has to brush his teeth at momma's house. I didn't rush to call the CAS because I simply didn't believe him. I do believe that he may have skipped the odd day, or some days not eaten vegetables, or whatever else he says he doesn't have to do, but I don't believe it is a daily occurance simply because he says so.

    Calling the police on the ex or calling the CAS will destroy any hope of an amicable situation where the parents can co-operate and trust each other. If you think doing this over a car seat is worthwhile, that is your decision. It would not be my decision.

    If my example and reasoning were unclear earlier, hopefully they are clearer now. I still detest your style of response but I will let it go.

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by Mess View Post
      Whereas I think that we should just drop this, I did not mean to imply that the law should be ignored.

      You are not a law enforcement officer (I presume anyway). Your job is not to police your ex. If he gets caught by the police, that is his problem. The direction of the thread was that non-use of a car seat should result in filing with the CAS.

      Filing with the CAS will destroy any possibility of any communication between two parents. This is not a positive thing to do for the child. It is only positive if the alternative is that the child is in immediate danger from the other parent.

      In the example given in the original post it is not even clear what the situation is. The father is likely just being dismissive when the mother complains; "I'll do whatever I want". That doesn't mean he doesn't care about his child's safety, it means he doesn't care to hear nagging from his ex. We can all relate to that.

      Reports from children can be misleading. When my child was 6 he told me that he never has to brush his teeth at momma's house. I didn't rush to call the CAS because I simply didn't believe him. I do believe that he may have skipped the odd day, or some days not eaten vegetables, or whatever else he says he doesn't have to do, but I don't believe it is a daily occurance simply because he says so.

      Calling the police on the ex or calling the CAS will destroy any hope of an amicable situation where the parents can co-operate and trust each other. If you think doing this over a car seat is worthwhile, that is your decision. It would not be my decision.

      If my example and reasoning were unclear earlier, hopefully they are clearer now. I still detest your style of response but I will let it go.
      Wow. I can't believe this got so out of hand.

      I disagree with your statements about CAS. In my situation it is IMPOSSIBLE for my ex and I to co-parent. Mediation doesn't work because he makes agreements but then doesn't abide by them. He is angry and abusive towards me. CAS has been a positive and NECESSARY experience for us so far.

      Comment


      • #48
        Fact: CAS is only "necessary" when adults can't act like adults.

        Ditto for family court.

        Cheers!

        Gary

        Comment


        • #49
          Ok, I cant believe the replies to my post got out of hand. I am not a "nagging" ex or one that is worried about an allegation that he has driven 10 minutes, 30 km per hour without the car seats. I am only a concerned mom, worried about my kids safety and wanting to make sure they are protected.

          I have solid evidence (not just from the mouths of 2 7 year olds) that the car seats are not being used, ever. The trips include drives to town and sports (no less than 12 km each way) and multiple trips to the city and a cottage (which means 75 to 100 km distance, each way on 400 series hiways). That litterally scares me - 100 - 120 km/hour on a 4 lane hiway with tractor trailors etc.

          His "I will do whatever I want" and "things will be on my terms/my timeframes" are in response to requests of when he is willing to go to mediation and start the ball rolling, requests that he begins to pay his own cell phone bill, a request that he signs a form so that the life insurance policy he jointly owns on my life goes to my kids in trust instead of him as sole beneficiary...all requests that I believe are not "nagging" but reasonable (and suggested by my lawyer to protect my rights). He is forcing my hand into an advesarial, family court situation.

          I have left an abusive relationship. He is angry that I left.

          I wish the situation was co-operative and trustful. I have been wanting to make a clean break, just get my own life in order, allow him to father the kids in some sort of custody arrangement and move on to live my life without suffering daily abusive situations.

          All I am concerned about in this situation is that my kids are kept safe. I don't want a 3 am phone call that one of them went through the windshield on the hiway when I knew they were in danger. How could I avoid calling the CAS or the OPP? I dont think I had a choice in this situation, or else I am allowing my kids to be in danger....

          Comment


          • #50
            I haven't read all the posts...
            but one thing that seems to be overlooked here...
            Dad is going to do whtever he wants at his home.
            You will do the same at your home.

            He has no say as to your life wheh the child is with you, and vice-versa.

            If you wanna 'tell' on him, go ahead. I imagine it will only increase conflict.

            If this is all about "seat-belts" you should send a note saying you understand he doesn't make the children wear them, and disagree. THEN... leave it alone.

            Trust me, it won't be long before he get ticketed for not ensuring a child is buckled. Police actively enforce this.

            One thing I know from persoanl experience... me complaining about anything my ex does usually results in her doing the exact thing I'm complaining about even more. So I just keep quiet these3 days.

            Comment


            • #51
              Hi, I am new to this website and I don't wish to hijack another thread, I want to begin a new one. Please guide me how.
              Thanks.

              Comment


              • #52
                Custody

                Hey everyone. I sepersted a year and a bit ago. The only way I could get the kids to be with me was to give averything to my ex husband and agree to no child support. My lawyer insisted on putting a clause in our agreement that I had two years to go back for support. My son who is nine has an anxiety disorder and has only been controlled since leaving the married environment. I find it difficult finacially as he pays nothing and the two year mark is closely coming up. I am terrified if I go after child support he will seek joint custody to get out of it. He does however see the kids everysecond weekend. What are the odds of a judge changing the custody arangements. The primary residence is with me. Im terriried

                Comment


                • #53
                  Hello everyone,

                  To let you know....the booster seat issue has been finally settled. I sent him an email, asking that he uses the booster seats in his car because of safety, the well-being of the kids, its the law etc. He completely ignored me. Now, we are about to go into mediation, all of a sudden, the kids are in boosters and Dad told the kids that he had been unaware of the law about car seats.... think his lawyer told him to get his act together and think he got pulled over....

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    didn't know about the booster seat law?

                    lol... gimme a break.

                    Look, this is a fight I've had. One time when I was driving my son 3 houses over (in other words, moving the car with kid in tow), I let the little brat just sit in the front seat.

                    Now the young boy (I think he was four) was duly impressed by Dad's completely different instance to what was other wise a very defined behaviour of wearing belt/sitting on seat...

                    Now of course in the boy's natural exhuberence of a new situation, he told his Mom he got to ride in the front seat.

                    Now of course Mom, not knowing the context, made it a big deal and inckuded the instance in court proceedings. Please note she never once asked me to clarify the issue first.

                    So you know what?!? Ultimately - stop being so nosey, because you're probably looking at it out of context.

                    Having said that, any parent worth their salt knows to buckle the kid up. Are you sure you really think so little of him tht you would actually believe its anything more then him doing something to piss you off? On purpose?
                    Just Sayin'.

                    LMAO
                    ++++

                    Plus really. let's say the worst happens and kids are unbuckled. That just proves exactly how you feel and you can then therefore hate him forever because you were right and he was wrong.
                    Just Sayin'.
                    LMAO
                    Last edited by wretchedotis; 08-09-2011, 03:36 AM. Reason: LMAO

                    Comment

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