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Okay, so 2 weeks ago my husband left me and our 4 year old daughter claiming he doesn't love me anymore. Moved out on the drop of a dime see ya! Comes in a week later tells me about his new girlfriend. So, after this bombshell, I am starting to calm down. I don't want a reconciliation, BUT I am considering filing for an uncontested divorce after the years separation and leaving the adultery out of it. One of the reasons is to protect my own health benefits (I've been a stay at home mom and am currently unemployed.) I just feel like everything is happening so quickly and I need to pace this out. Am I being naive? This person has to be in my life forever irregardless of what's happened.... I dont want to spend 1000's on lawyers just so I can nail him for his own lack of values and ignorance. I can think of better ways to spend money. Which we have none of anyways, so what is the point? It's hurtful enough as it is. Any thoughts?
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You are still in the very early phase of separation and divorce. As you muddle your way through, you are going to find more and more information.
It took us the better part of 8-10 months to figure out the basics, and still we keep learning new 'entitlements' every day.
You have many options open to you and you need to learn as much as possible. You can do this on your own at a minimal cost; but it is blood, sweat and tears.
First thing is first, get all the financial information you can. Start gathering past records, debts, assets etc. You and your ex will be sharing debt load, splitting assets, determining equalization, calculating child support and you are likely able to receive spousal for a few years (likely 5 based on your length of marriage).
I would start looking into separation agreements and discussing it with your ex.
In addition, I would look in the phone book and start getting all of the free consultations with family lawyers you can.
You have lots of time. You do not need to make any decisions now. Just start arming yourself with information.
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Thanks. Yesterday I made copies of everything- bank statements, mortgage, insurance, tax assessments, so I felt I made a good move there. I am seeing a lawyer on June 9th, and will proceed with a separation agreement. It is so early and to me so sudden.Comment
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OMG...that sounds so much like my story but that was 10 years ago.Originally posted by Leila View Post
Same thing but mine was I am not sure what love is anymore. LMAO Maybe it is the same guy. NOT!
We separated and boom new woman in his life. It was coincidental that I knew her and he also worked with her. Apparently, there were crying in the beers about their individual relationships and eventually hooked up. BTW they eventually got married but they separated last week in fact.
Anyways, I never went after the adultery issues either. Just take care of yourself and do what needs to be done. Just make sure that you hammar out the right issues that need to be addressed in your case. Whether it is child support, spousal support, special expenses get it ironed out. An uncontested divorce simply means you both agree to divorce. You will definitely need a lawyer for the other particulars that also need addressing in the divorce proceedings.
Best of luck.Comment
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It's so good to know I am definitely not alone in this all too common scenario. More than anything I am stunned by his stupidity, I mean LEAVING with no discussion, which traumatized our daughter, then admitting to adultery! He wanted to meet with me tonight to discuss the issues but I said right now I am too emotional in his presence and I'll meet with him after I've seen my lawyer next week. That made him angry (control freak) and he said "I'm moving back in next weekend, you'd better get out of the house.' ! I've already read to him directly from the Attorney General's website he cannot kick me out. He owned this house before we got married, so he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Obviously this man had ZERO comprehension of what marriage is about when we got married 5 years ago. I'm considering moving to another town about 40 minutes away before JK starts the town where my mother lives, renting a place and starting over- but our daughter has a tonsillectomy coming up next month, so I am just staying put for now. What a tumultous time.Comment
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I should also note that when he first left I begged him to reconsider and come back to his family and he said "Nothing can make me change my mind.' That was before I found out about the girlfriend.Comment
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Also, I know he CAN come back, which could/would be a total nightmare right now.Comment
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I would not move out until you have agreed to everything (custody and financials).Comment
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I'm staying put for now and intend to for the summer, and we will work out custody/financials. Right now he is so volatile and all over the place, he keeps whining about the stereo and the computer and having to drive the 'piece of s**t' car, and now he's trying to throw me out ater HE's the one who left and doesn't seem to have any regard for our little girl. I think he is spiralling, possibly realizing what a bad position he put himself in. What would a lawyer say if he went to them and told them the circumstances? Bankruptcy could be a possibility too. wow, what fun!Comment
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