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  • #76
    Originally posted by stripes View Post
    Franklin didn't put it very well, but I think there's a grain of truth in what he says. I think for those of us who are divorced parents, we sometimes feel like we have to constantly reassure ourselves (and show others) how well our kids are doing, how happy and energetic and lively they are, because we're compensating for covert and overt criticism of our parenting by the ex. I think there's a a tendency sometimes to say "look how great my kid is doing, I really am a good parent! See what a good time we're having!". I know I sometimes fall into this.

    And when my kid is having a typical less-than-perfect kid moment (backtalk, whiny, upset and won't say why), there's that extra bit of anxiety that this might be because her father and I are divorced or because I'm inadequate as a single parent.

    I'm not saying this to criticize LF's happy posts about vacations, but to draw attention to a dynamic that I think operates without many of us even realizing it. (Of course, I have no idea if this is the case with LF, and your mileage may vary).
    very true. May I also add that due to the nature of this forum, if you think your ex is watching you will not be putting down bad things and maybe embellishing a bit on how good things are so the ex doesn't get ammunition in court.

    Like the old saying goes, if it sounds too good to be true it usually isn't. Not saying that LF32 isn't a good father, I am sure he is doing the best he can do just like most other parents out there. He just isn't posting about the not so good things like I think we are all guilty of. There are no supermoms, superdads, superhusbands, superwives or superkids. We are just all people trying to live our lives to the best of our own ability.

    Comment


    • #77
      Are we defining a "!good parent" as someone who does all " must do" activities with their child? Fishing, camping, zoo etc. i am sure there are many " good parents" who have never taken their child to the zoo, gone camping, gone fishing etc.

      LF32 has been crushed, by his ex, as a partner and a parent. He thought he was doing good in both departments and for the past year has been torn apart by a very disturbing series of events. Talk about having your life turned upside down.

      So perhaps a little bit of overkill on his " perfect Dad" routine is understandable. Once the court case is over hopefully access will be sorted out and routines established and he will not feel the need to fill every living moment, of his time with his daughter, with incredible activities and he will be able to relax and just a actually let her be a typical bored kid, whiny and all.

      Plus LF32 has said many times that this forum has been his saviour on getting help and direction. I think he just wants to share his success and happiness - nothing wrong with that.

      Comment


      • #78
        I think LF32 has shared many not-so-good instances with us. Just a few months ago he told us of his daughter breaking her leg on his backyard trampoline. Of course the ex was all over that one simply because he didn't call her immediately and instead called her after the consult with the emerg physician.

        I'm sure there are many tear-filled moments. Parents who have the drive, creativity and energy to make their children's lives rich and fulfilling are to be commended. Some people go camping to a local lake or cabin on weekends. I don't see that as being superdad.

        I would much prefer my child to be busy rather than a non-productive couch potato. This is a father who isn't encouraging marathon video gaming. I applaud what he is doing.

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        • #79
          Oh i was not " bashing him". Just trying to say its understandable that he wants to share his vacation highlights. Plus given the past year he has been traumatised and wants to cram as much as possible in the " controlled" time he has fought for.

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          • #80
            I don't think you were bashing him for one moment Beachnana. Your remarks are sensible and well thought out.

            My remarks were directed at other posters who think LF32 "embellishes" his good times with his daughter.

            He is going to be facing another OCL assessment soon. I think the remarks of others will give him food-for-thought. I don't think it is unusual for parents, who are going through child custody, to try to present their home situation in the best possible light. An experienced, non-biased, OCL assessor will be expecting this.

            Comment


            • #81
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I don't think you were bashing him for one moment Beachnana. Your remarks are sensible and well thought out.

              My remarks were directed at other posters who think LF32 "embellishes" his good times with his daughter.

              He is going to be facing another OCL assessment soon. I think the remarks of others will give him food-for-thought. I don't think it is unusual for parents, who are going through child custody, to try to present their home situation in the best possible light. An experienced, non-biased, OCL assessor will be expecting this.
              the embellishment comment is for posters in general. It was taken out of context.

              very true. May I also add that due to the nature of this forum, if you think your ex is watching you will not be putting down bad things and maybe embellishing a bit on how good things are so the ex doesn't get ammunition in court.


              I am sure their on posters on here who have used this to their advantage at times, its only natural. I also said that I wasn't saying that LF32 wasn't a good parent. In fact he seems to be from what is written on here. So please do not call me out and try to put words into my mouth.

              If you are trying to present your home situation in the best possible light then I sure a person would make sure to go over the good things but not the things that make them look bad. For example (and done jump on me its just and example, not anyone specifically) if parent a and their new partners children fought like cats and dogs and hated each other, that wouldn't be something that one would mention in court. It would be glossed over and be called an "adjustment period" which would an embellishment.

              Lets get real, not everyone is going to post things on here that make them look bad. lets say a poster has said their spouse is controlling all the money and they feel financially abused.. They may say their spouse cut up their credit cards and took them off the bank account. The real story maybe that the spouse complaining was spending money and accumulating debt so that was the way that the other spouse tried to control the money losses. I am sure lots of exs of posters on here perceive the issues differently then what gets posted here and knowing that I take all stuff with a grain of salt.

              That being said I do hope that lf32 ends up with joint custody. That him and his ex end up being great co-parents to the only true victim in the whole thing.. the little girl.

              Comment


              • #82
                Thanks for clarifying.

                I don't think anything anyone says on this forum will make any difference, whatsoever, in their custody issue. I like to think that judges base decisions on facts.

                Joint custody is good for people who can come together and act in the best interest of their child. From what I have read on LF32's threads (and yes it is only his posts, not his ex's) his ex clearly does not have the best interests of the child in mind and has repeatedly stated in her affidavits that she does not believe he should have access to the child. But then I am not the judge and this is merely my personal opinion. I have read both LF32's affidavits as well as those of his ex. Unless OCL can show a purple-headed monster hiding under the child's bed at LF32's house then it is unlikely the mother will be successful in obtaining sole custody. It would be a gross miscarriage of justice IMO and certainly not in the best interest of the child.

                LF32 recognizes and endorses the importance of the mother's involvement in the child's life. His ex does not share the same view.

                Comment


                • #83
                  Wow .. what an amazing weekend. D4 LOVED her first experience on a campsite. Not one complaint. Slept in the tent perfectly.

                  We set off a flying lantern each night n to the sky. D4 asked of it went to Neverland (Peter Pan). As we watched it float in to the night I asked her to make a wish before it disappeared. She replied "I wish could live at daddy's". My heart sunk in to my stomach. I was expecting her to wish for the newest Barbie.

                  Franklin .. my life is far from perfect. Very far. I care about being the best dad I can be in all respects. Yes I'm very active and D4 is also .. so naturally we do active things.

                  I come to share my journey here. If certain posters question my motives, truthfulness or anything else .. that's their problem IMO. I know the truth. Some here do. So did the motion judge. IMO .. trial judge will also.

                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  LF32 recognizes and endorses the importance of the mother's involvement in the child's life. His ex does not share the same view.
                  This is very true. I liked that OP got CC transcripts from back in self-rep days. I speak positively about my ex and remain child-focused throughout. I state several times that I will always respect and promote ex's role in D4's life.

                  All my access to date has had to be court-ordered.

                  Since she's not willing to explore any alternative to trial (on the taxpayers bill) .. I'll let the judge decide on access/custody after analyzing which parent is actually placing the child's best interests first.

                  My ex is now refusing to disclose all playgroup locations, hours etc. I know one of them but not the other two or 3.

                  She feels that I have no rights as a father. Which mirrors something she told me long ago .. that "judges don't give little girls to their fathers .. little girls belong to their mothers". I'll never forget that.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Franklin View Post
                    Ok this is what I think.

                    Your girls and life sound almost too good to be true. Fishing with a 4 year old?, Fishing is all patience and somber peaceful sitting, camping with little kids is a lot of work, cleaning tooth brushing wondering around and learning there boundaries with other campers , and bed time is what most parents need to do to their kids for their health and our sanity, you know, and as for meals their palates are bland at this age and unpredictable.

                    Now in saying this maybe you fished for only ten minutes and that was the perfect amount of time and a great thrill, and camped in a comfortable trailer with shower and toilet, or had the best tent and camp site ever with perfect weather. Maybe your girls love spicy curry or greek salad , sauteed vegetables and or tomato sandwiches and have the same exact taste and finish the meals and ask for more with a big please and thank you after.

                    I am proud of my children,s eating and sleeping habits but boy i,ll tell you I have had more tough camps and meals and bed times than any thing else.
                    S and T wrote out what I was thinking I,ll give her that and some of your happy post make me a little jealous, although not at all resentful.

                    If it makes you happy to be super positive and share your joy, I say, go for it, and maybe it can rub off on the rest of us and make for a lighter day.
                    I have also had largely positive experiences taking my kids camping. Perhaps you just don't know what you're doing?

                    Now, read that, get mad, and then recognize that my tongue was planted firmly in my cheek. I didn't actually mean it, but you were probably quite offended by the notion that I would make assumptions about your abilities and competency based on something that you wrote.

                    That's exactly what you and S&T are doing. You're projecting your own feelings and realities onto someone else's, and it isn't right. It just plain isn't.

                    Some parents struggle more than others. Some kids are easier to work with than others. Perhaps LF32 has been gifted with a really great kid that accepts all of the things that he does for her. I know that mine do.

                    I'm sorry for your struggles, but your story is not everyone else's. Try not to assume that it is.

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      I think LF32 has shared many not-so-good instances with us. Just a few months ago he told us of his daughter breaking her leg on his backyard trampoline.
                      Correct. I show the good, the bad and the ugly experiences here on ODF. Not just the good. I wrote about the trampoline incident .. I wrote about a few bad transitions .. I even wrote about D4 calling new g/f mommy, took the criticism constructively (which some say I dont do) and fixed the situation. I dont sugar coat anything. I just write about my experiences.

                      Some posters want to hear that she's not doing so well .. or that its impossible that a 4 year old could go camping or fishing .. well .. just read StraitToHell's last post .. pretty much clears that up.

                      I learned to ski at 3 yrs. I was playing hockey at a very young age and played until Bantam. I played Soccer my entire life in a league. I made so many life-long friends doing these things and they are my best memories as a child. Fresh air, friends, exercise and ..well.. Fun!

                      I've not once called myself a better (or best) parent for doing these things with D4. All I know is that D4 enjoys it thoroughly, as do the other 2 girls. She also made friends with another 4 year old at the campground and we exchanged numbers for a potential future playdate.

                      I taught D4 how to skate this winter. Can you guess how much fun she had skating the Rideau and eating Beaver Tails? Personally .. Im more about this kind of stuff than T.V/video games, etc ... just my opinion.

                      Some posters hate it when I come on here with court strategy and tell me to keep it child focused. Can you see what happens with these same posters when Im here .. staying child-focused?

                      All I know is that I had the best week with D4 ever. I didnt get last summer remember. So this past week meant a lot to D4 and I.

                      She gave me the world's tightest hug at the exchange in front of ex and told me she couldnt wait to see me again. I could hear her talking about the chinese lantern and canoe as they were walking away.

                      I love being a dad!
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 07-27-2015, 02:42 PM. Reason: spelling

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Ah forget these haters LF. Leave Sad and Tired and Standing on the Sidelines to their own pitiful self. Just write for the rest of us. Ignore this bull. They are perpetual victims and love the drama. You're just feeding the ugly beast.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          You make me want to take my kids camping. Thank you for sharing.

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by Headwaters1 View Post
                            Ah forget these haters LF. Leave Sad and Tired and Standing on the Sidelines to their own pitiful self. Just write for the rest of us. Ignore this bull. They are perpetual victims and love the drama. You're just feeding the ugly beast.
                            where the hell have I said that I am always a victim??? You want to make assumptions like that then have the ability to back it up.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Here's a little case that been used (check the headnotes) in quite a few cases

                              CanLII - 1990 CanLII 4229 (ON CJ)

                              The OP wanting to push the position of status quo....will happen here for LF32 ..hopefully I got the right link

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Mr. T. Great read.

                                [8]The family lived together in the former matrimonial home until the sudden departure of the mother with the children. She now lives in a transition state and her future accommodation is not assured. However one may characterize the vicious squabbles between the husband and the wife, there is no doubt that their substance is absolutely disputed by the parties. The wife alleges that she was “abused” and Mr. Winninger asserts that she must not be “forced back” to the matrimonial home. It follows, in his argument, that the children must therefore remain in the shelter to avoid a separation from their mother. He says that her position as their mother has created a status quo that should not now be upset.
                                Just another case of a parent manipulating the system for a false/forced status quo. Good for the judge for picking up on it quickly .. just as my motion judge did.
                                I agree that the mother unilaterally deprived the children of their accustomed home and the life that they had by removing them when she took her dispute with their father into her own hands. There was no evidence before me of any attempt by the mother to reach an agreement about custody with the father or to bring an application either for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home or for interim custody of the children prior to her abrupt departure.
                                She disrupted status quo in order to furnish a new one. Whoops!!

                                [11] Mr. Mamo stresses that the actions of the wife were in contravention of the legislated equal custodial rights of a mother and father set out in subsection 20(1) of the Children’s Law Reform Act, R.S.O. 1980, c. 68, as amended. I agree that the departure of the wife and the taking of the children, on substantially disputed grounds, was a complete denial of the husband’s custodial rights that cannot stand to her credit on this motion. The best interests of the children, were they ever first considered by her, would have militated against such a result.

                                Just as my situation, one parent focused on her personal wants and needs rather than the best interests of the child....deviating from 20(1) of the CLRA. You cant just stomp on rule, regulations and rights without sufficient cause!
                                [13] In the result, there is no clear and cogent evidence that would justify the mother’s removal of the children from their accustomed environment. Their best interests, it seems clear to me, can be safeguarded by their father in the former matrimonial home and an interim order will go granting him their custody. The mother should have generous access to the children. If counsel cannot agree to an appropriate schedule, I may be spoken to. The trial of this action will be expedited and the necessity of a pre-trial waived. Costs are reserved to the trial judge.
                                Bravo Mr. Judge. There were consequences here! Had I asked for sole custody in my motion .. I believe I would have received it as this father did. My judge was livid with the situation..and my ex.

                                Good read Mr. T. Thanks for that! I actually cant wait for trial.
                                Last edited by LovingFather32; 07-27-2015, 09:04 PM.

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