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Petition for "second" families and child support reform

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  • #46
    My point was that the decision (of how many kids to have, and how to raise them when they are with you) is soley the right of the parent that is having them, and that has them at the time. Condeming or evaluating someone for exercising that right is wrong, even though it is tempting to do so. It is challenging when the parents are separate and no longer make these important decisions together, but the decision is soley that of the individual parent, and the other parent should have no rights in the matter. It is one of the consequences of divorce and raising kids in that environment - the parents no longer have an obligation to each other (other than the agreement they have in place), and the decisions of a parent and the subsequent consequences to their children is ultimatley theirs alone, and for the other parent to evaluate those decisions smacks of self righteous omnipotence

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    • #47
      Originally posted by billm View Post
      and the decisions of a parent and the subsequent consequences to their children is ultimatley theirs alone, and for the other parent to evaluate those decisions smacks of self righteous omnipotence
      That is not so. If my ex chose to create another baby it would have dire consequences on our children, and thus on me -- if it meant that my children's child support amount would be reduced.

      Can I stop him from procreating again? Of course not. But just because he CAN make another baby doesn't mean he SHOULD.

      It's not self-righteous omnipotence to say that my ex can't afford to make more babies... it's a financial fact, and it applies to ANYONE.

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      • #48
        Well, just like in a healthy relationship, sometimes one parent makes an everyday decision that the other parent disagrees with. And sometimes we have to live with the fact that we cannot reach an agreement. In my own household, my husband and I disagree on how much to spend at christmas (he always goes overboard.) If I cannot "make" my husband of ten years to vote my way, how could I possibly expect to "make" him agree with me on how much needs to be spent on our kids if we divorced and he was made to feel less a part of the family and had NO say in how the money was spent on our children. Never mind how it must feel to litterally have it extracted from his paycheck with no regard to wether or not he was starving himself.

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        • #49
          The fact that some people think that kids ought not be born to a parent that pays child support and SS and extra's and whatever else, is beside the point. The point is that people DO have additional families, and those children deserve the same respect as their 1/2 siblings from our laws. Untill they legislate that after divorce male payors be castrated, and female payors have tubes cut, and ensure that female/male recipients that have additional children can PROVE that the child support sent for their "first" kid is only spent on them (not shared in any way with their new siblings) then we need to address this problem. It is NOT OK to take the focus off this issue by bringing in judgements against these children and the legitimacy of them having a right to be in this world. It is NOT OK for my husband's ex NOT to work (despite having 3 diplomas etc.) and make us pay her almost 50% of my husbands NET. When is history have adults been so callous and cold (and supported by these laws) that they would rather take AS MUCH AS THEY CAN from their ex's and their new families, than get off their a$#es and get a job.
          Child Support is NOT supposed to be life-style support for the ex'es but that is what it has turned into. Sadly, it really is all the children who are suffereing.

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          • #50
            How does everyone feel about this...I am a GREAT dad and have shared custody (after spending $8000.00 in lawyer fees) I am currently paying my ex girlfriend $900.00 a month in C.S. let me remind you, I have our daughter for 15 days a month and she has her for 15 days a month..she gets child tax...tax breaks..and she gets the refund from day care...(i pay 75% of day care). Please dont give me that "you have to pay or your a deadbeat". I provide my daughter with a home, cloths, food, and almost everything she needs (i cant afford everything as you might imagine since that $900.00 falls outta my pockets every month). In my mind this doesnt make sence. Why do i have to support my daughter when i have her and when i dont..when my ex doesnt have to worry about finacially supporting her daughter ANYTIME!!! who is the deadbeat in the eyes of the child?????ME because I cant afford everything she wants because I dont have the money...Imagine that hey.....the only answer......childrenwith2homes.ca

            please give me all your opinions i mean all of them, I want the other side of the story as well.....your more wise having worn someone elses shoes!!!

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            • #51
              Originally posted by phoenix View Post
              That is not so. If my ex chose to create another baby it would have dire consequences on our children, and thus on me -- if it meant that my children's child support amount would be reduced.

              Can I stop him from procreating again? Of course not. But just because he CAN make another baby doesn't mean he SHOULD.

              It's not self-righteous omnipotence to say that my ex can't afford to make more babies... it's a financial fact, and it applies to ANYONE.
              And just who is it that gets to decide whether he SHOULD? You?

              A financial fact? I suggest that is more your opinion. Do you also think that we should outlaw single moms on social assistance from having more babies because they cannot afford to have them?
              Last edited by dadtotheend; 02-06-2009, 09:36 AM.

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              • #52
                Originally posted by Nathank View Post
                How does everyone feel about this...I am a GREAT dad and have shared custody (after spending $8000.00 in lawyer fees) I am currently paying my ex girlfriend $900.00 a month in C.S. let me remind you, I have our daughter for 15 days a month and she has her for 15 days a month..she gets child tax...tax breaks..and she gets the refund from day care...(i pay 75% of day care). Please dont give me that "you have to pay or your a deadbeat". I provide my daughter with a home, cloths, food, and almost everything she needs (i cant afford everything as you might imagine since that $900.00 falls outta my pockets every month). In my mind this doesnt make sence. Why do i have to support my daughter when i have her and when i dont..when my ex doesnt have to worry about finacially supporting her daughter ANYTIME!!! who is the deadbeat in the eyes of the child?????ME because I cant afford everything she wants because I dont have the money...Imagine that hey.....the only answer......childrenwith2homes.ca

                please give me all your opinions i mean all of them, I want the other side of the story as well.....your more wise having worn someone elses shoes!!!
                Parents in situations like yours pay child support based on a set off arrangement prescribed by the CS guidelines, which recognizes the shared parenting arrangement you have. Presumably you earn far more than your ex which is why you pay so much in CS. Your CS payments are more designed to equalize your daughter's standard of living in both homes than to support her when you are not with her.

                Regarding the child tax benefit, you should be sharing those benefits on a rotating six month on six month off basis, given your parenting schedule. See Shared Eligibility.
                Last edited by dadtotheend; 02-06-2009, 09:38 AM.

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                • #53
                  What you are describing is called "ALIMONY".It is NOT fair the way the guide lines are set out.

                  www.childrenwith2homes.ca

                  Please have a look at this site and read the First chapter its a real eye opener.

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                  • #54
                    The Netherlands, seems to have come up with a fair system for all the children of "blended" families:

                    "All non-resident parents in the Netherlands must support their children. Where possible, parents are encouraged to arrive at voluntary arrangements for child support. If an agreement cannot be arranged, a child support liability can be decided upon by the District Court, using the TREMA tables. These tables contain complex formulae for the assessment of maintenance, and take into account the following factors:

                    1.assessable income, which is calculated by deducting amounts for living expenses (based on social assistance rates) from gross income;
                    2.allowance is made for the non-resident parent's costs of setting up a new home and the costs of contact with the children;
                    3.where the non-resident parent has a second family, assessable income is reduced by around 50 per cent, in recognition of the belief that people should be free to form new relationships;
                    4.whether the resident parent has entered into a new relationship, the decision about liability for maintenance between a step-parent and a non-resident parent is based on an assessment of the relationship between the child and the non-resident parent. Deliberations canvass issues such as whose surname the child bears and how frequently contact occurs. "

                    Hopefully Canada will follow suit and make an allowance for "second family" situations.

                    Canadian Child Support Guidelines are Unfair to "Second" Families Petition

                    Comment

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