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  • #31
    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Stripes ..
    Havent said anything about ex and the legal strategies have been haphazardly spread out in such a way that it would be very difficult to follow.
    I agree. They are difficult to follow.

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    This has been done on purpose. Good news? Everything's been the TRUTH.
    Thiefing the wise words of the Honourable Madame Justice Mossip:

    What is sad for the Court is the amount of time, money, energy, and emotional angst, that you and the other parent have engaged in to convince yourselves, the other party, your child, your friends, the professionals involved in your matter, your extended family, this forum and now the Court, that your truth is the “real truth”; that your version of events is what actually happened.

    Dr. Clive Chamberlain, a renowned psychiatrist who has specialized in children and adolescent issues for over 40 years testified before Justice Mossip on an alienation case several years ago. When he was asked about how the parties got to the place they were at trial, and who was to blame, Justice Mossip recalled his words, “That’s a bit of a mug’s game.” That expression means “a futile or unprofitable endeavour.” In other words, “Judge, don’t waste your time, you’ll never figure it out to anyone’s complete satisfaction. Let’s deal with what we have in front of us now.”

    You will not present, find or prove the "elusive truth" to anyone or the court. The court just doesn't care. They deal with what is in front of them.

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    I would even say that these threads may even help my case if admitted.
    How so?

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Also, who's to say Im not LF32's roommate/brother, sister/uncle/etc who knows his situation and is just getting info for him. What if he knows nothing of this site?

    It is the internet you know.
    Yes, it is the internet. You should get advice from real qualified individuals.

    Good Luck!
    Tayken

    Comment


    • #32
      Divorced-obsessed? Naaa. Just like chatting. "Obsessed" is a big word. It's enjoyable to me. My daughter has ben abducted and held from me. Yes, assurances and assistance do help.

      lol .. yes .. I do tend to overanalyze my situation. I agree. And yes, I shouldn't let my anxieties get the best of me. Interestingly, I'm doing much better than in the beginning with this.

      I am very proud of my lawyer. Yes she's qualified. She's lovely. Very well-known and very good at what she does.

      I have taken the high road thus far Tayken. Believe it or not. Even e knows this part.

      I don't see myself as anxiety-ridden. Concerned? Sad? Nothing DSM-worthy. I would be concerned about "me" if I had no anxiety considering my situation. That would border sociopathic.

      I speak with my EAP counsellor and am currently on a waiting list to speak with somebody regarding post-separation and my situation. You're not a nutbar .. c'mon. :-)

      Yes .. the ex may be getting horrible advice. But how could you not know that this is wrong inside? I guess I don get that. But I agree with you. She may feel anxious as well.

      Regarding the OCL .. and my case. I don't present there the same I do here in the cyber world. This is my "time off" where the less formal chats occur.

      Just to be clear with everyone.

      I dont's want to be right. I just want to have my rights.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Tayken View Post
        Yes, it is the internet. You should get advice from real qualified individuals.

        Good Luck!
        Tayken
        I have a lawyer.

        I'm here to chat Tayken. It's a forum.

        Is it cathartic? Sure. Do I run out and follow all advice given? No.
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-25-2014, 05:31 PM.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by stripes View Post
          You've said quite a bit about your ex - your interpretations of her mental health, the history of your marriage, her medical history, her relationship with her mother, her sex life with you, details about her family, etc. That's just what I recall seeing, and I haven't been following your threads closely. Just be careful with that putting all that stuff out on the internet. When it comes to personal details, especially details about another person, less is always better than more.
          Why don't you bundle it all up in one paragraph for her in an up to date post. Thanks Stripes. Can see you're concerned about her seeing. Again, very general details that many go through (sex, parents, depression, etc). No names or info that would get me in trouble. Again .. prove I am who you think I am anyways.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by Tayken View Post

            Take a more hitchhikers approach... Don't panic and always carry a towel.
            Good Luck!
            Tayken
            I agree, sometimes all it takes is a tall glass of PangalacticGargleBlaster and the patience to let time take care of it ....

            You've done everything that you possibly could for now - the rest of it is for your lawyer and the courts to figure out.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by Janibel View Post
              I agree, sometimes all it takes is a tall glass of PangalacticGargleBlaster and the patience to let time take care of it ....

              You've done everything that you possibly could for now - the rest of it is for your lawyer and the courts to figure out.
              Totally agree. That's what Im doing. Big weight off my shoulders lately actually.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                Totally agree. That's what Im doing. Big weight off my shoulders lately actually.
                Good for you LF32, forget about the intimidation that comes your way (that's all part of the lawyer's strategy to wear you down in the hopes that you'll just roll over and give up).

                In the beginning of my own ordeal I was the same as you, trying to figure out how to "fix" the situation asap, playing the "what if" loop in my mind. Imagining all sorts of possible outcomes. I was angry, frustrated, depressed, hopeful .... there will be good days and horrible ones - like the title of your thread, it's a process.

                Be mindful of your health and save your energy for the important stuff. Your little girl wants you to take good care of her Daddy

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  Divorced-obsessed? Naaa. Just like chatting. "Obsessed" is a big word. It's enjoyable to me. My daughter has ben abducted and held from me. Yes, assurances and assistance do help.
                  Firstly your daughter hasn't been "abducted" from you. She is safe and you know exactly where she is. Abduction is a very big word to throw around.

                  Section 283.(1) and 282.(1) of the Criminal Code of Canada deal with the matters of parental child abduction. Your matter is absolutely not an abduction.

                  See the extremes that you put matters into? You have transformed bad conduct of a parent to "abduction". It clearly is not abduction.

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  lol .. yes .. I do tend to overanalyze my situation. I agree. And yes, I shouldn't let my anxieties get the best of me. Interestingly, I'm doing much better than in the beginning with this.
                  I agree you are doing much better now than prior. Continue to notice and name your emotions and do nothing. If your nothing is to come rant on this forum then I totally understand. It is hard to determine at times if you are ranting to flush out an emotion or are seeking advice at times...

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  I am very proud of my lawyer. Yes she's qualified. She's lovely. Very well-known and very good at what she does.
                  Be mindful of "pride". It can bring disappointment.

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  I have taken the high road thus far Tayken. Believe it or not. Even e knows this part.
                  Again, as I stated, I am not sure the high road is thousands of messages on a forum. But, who am I to really know? I am a nutbar on the internet smashing rocks into a keyboard.

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  I don't see myself as anxiety-ridden. Concerned? Sad? Nothing DSM-worthy. I would be concerned about "me" if I had no anxiety considering my situation. That would border sociopathic.
                  Better to talk to a professional about your emotional state than self diagnose I say...

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  I speak with my EAP counsellor and am currently on a waiting list to speak with somebody regarding post-separation and my situation. You're not a nutbar .. c'mon. :-)
                  Excellent. Many people fail to realize that their employers provide excellent assistance plans (EAP) that provide for counselling and even therapy with qualified professionals at time.

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  Yes .. the ex may be getting horrible advice. But how could you not know that this is wrong inside? I guess I don get that. But I agree with you. She may feel anxious as well.
                  The best explanation may be from Master Yoda... Fear...

                  I am not trying to be funny. In fact, Yoda's wisdom is probably bang-on answer to your question. Parents are often driven by "fear" which is an "anxiety". When you see psychologists talk about fear is an element of anxiety. Worry is too.

                  I am not concerned with your ex actually. I am concerned with YOU and YOUR behaviour. You need to be mindful of your personal behaviour. Make more friends than enemies and you will do fine in your family law matter.

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  Regarding the OCL .. and my case. I don't present there the same I do here in the cyber world. This is my "time off" where the less formal chats occur.
                  People often say this but, often don't realize that they are the same in both situations. Just be very mindful of your behaviour. (Heed Justice Pazaratz warning.)

                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  Just to be clear with everyone.

                  I dont's want to be right. I just want to have my rights.
                  Family law isn't about "rights". It is about resolution to a problem with a set of Rules to help guide two parties to a solution. How you exersize those rules is up to you. Don't seek "rights" seek "resolution".

                  The only "rights" are that of the child involved. It is called the "Children's Law Reform Act" (CLRA) and not "The Parent's Law Reform Act". Rule 24 (Best Interests) is a very loaded and miss understood concept in law.

                  There is no cut-and-dry element to family law. There are no "rights" other than that of the child.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                    Good for you LF32, forget about the intimidation that comes your way (that's all part of the lawyer's strategy to wear you down in the hopes that you'll just roll over and give up).
                    Excellent advice. Some times just stand back and call it what it is. A pile of crap. Don't bother to even pick it up. It isn't your mess to pick up. I find too many litigants in a family law matter are driven to respond to every allegation. Lawyers are somewhat to blame for this. I do have to say that it is hard to tell what crap to leave piled on the floor at times so Lawyers can't bear all the blame.

                    Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                    In the beginning of my own ordeal I was the same as you, trying to figure out how to "fix" the situation asap, playing the "what if" loop in my mind. Imagining all sorts of possible outcomes. I was angry, frustrated, depressed, hopeful .... there will be good days and horrible ones - like the title of your thread, it's a process.
                    "There is the theory of the Moebius, a twist in the fabric of space, where time becomes a loop...." (Orbital song...)

                    Janibel provides some valuable insight for everyone here. (Thank-you.) Many people play the "what-if" loop in their minds and get lost in projecting what could happen. Don't get caught in the loop... It can really drag you into a black hole.

                    These threads often (to me) read like what Janibel so wisely described. That is where my concern for you LF32 is. Don't get stuck in the broken record of family law...

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      "Family law isn't about "rights". It is about resolution to a problem with a set of Rules to help guide two parties to a solution. How you exersize those rules is up to you. Don't seek "rights" seek "resolution".



                      The only "rights" are that of the child involved. It is called the "Children's Law Reform Act" (CLRA) and not "The Parent's Law Reform Act". Rule 24 (Best Interests) is a very loaded and miss understood concept in law.



                      There is no cut-and-dry element to family law. There are no "rights" other than that of the child."


                      I wouldn't say "family isn't about rights, it's about resolution".

                      I find that hard to believe. Considering the obstacles anyone faces during the process of this so called " resolution." And who s to say the " resolution" is in the best interest of the child?

                      It's more like " May the best person win". And who s to say that the person whom the resolution favours more is a better or more fit parent then the other?

                      In the end, fight until the end. Even though the odds in family court are no different then a coin flip. (Assuming the other party is reluctant to work outside the court room ).




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                      • #41
                        A Parents "rights" is the fundamentals for the CLRA, it's the starting point. Without parents there is no Act.

                        Example

                        Under this Act both parents are equally entitled to custody of the child and under s. 20(4) that right may be suspended if the parents are separated and the child resides with one of the parents with the consent (express or implied) or acquiescence of the other. The right to access is not restricted and the custodial arrangements may be varied through an agreement or court order.
                        Access is found under s. 20(5) of the Act and similarly to the Divorce Act it includes the right to visit the child, ask questions and receive information relevant to the child’s well-bring and upbringing


                        This is the point LF32 is at ...he's a separated Parent with no RIGHTS as a parent

                        Once you establish who a Parent is....then Best Interests of a Child is determined.

                        What's best for a child is maximum contact with the Parents

                        There are other rights....like don't abduct my child

                        Don't remove the child from the jurisdiction without a parents consent...minor items like that
                        Last edited by MrToronto; 08-25-2014, 08:49 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Not abduction? I was at work. She unilaterally removed our child without my consent and hid her. Just because she made up some false allegations (that weren't worthy of CAS or the police even) doesn't change the title. Its abduction. Don't downplay it. No..I don't know where she is.
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          I am not sure the high road is thousands of messages on a forum.
                          No .. the high road is being able to recognize the important role the mother will always play regardless of the outcome of all of this. We will be at weddings, graduations, writing in communication books, sending e-mails to each other after this mess. Im looking in to the future. I want no conflict. As soon as her LAO's wings tire she may b able to think for herself and our child and we can ponder resolutions.
                          Will you ever give me a break with making fun of my threads? Geez. It's a chat forum. Im chatting, discussing and doing what chat forums are made for.
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          Better to talk to a professional about your emotional state than self diagnose I say....
                          But I do. My EAP. I'm also educated in the area and know the signs and symptoms to look for. I'm doing fine. Not as fine as I could be obviously given the circumstances. Definitely nothing of concern. Even a professional says so (EAP).
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          I am not concerned with your ex actually. I am concerned with YOU and YOUR behaviour. You need to be mindful of your personal behaviour. Make more friends than enemies and you will do fine in your family law matter.....
                          ME and MY behavior huh? My ex jolts D3 from supervisor, turns hers and D3's back to my mom and supervisor. She coaches D3 to say things to OCL that I never said. She lies about drug use (which I proved wrong with a hair follicle), she's deprived D3 a relationship with her father by restricting access. She wont communicate in a log book. I cant even know what D3 ate before she came....shall I go on? And you're concerned with MY behavior. Honestly Tayken. I have nothing to say to that. lol
                          I'd be worried if I wasn't a little anxious. Now THAT would be abnormal.
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          Family law isn't about "rights". It is about resolution to a problem with a set of Rules to help guide two parties to a solution. How you exersize those rules is up to you.
                          Under this Act both parents are equally entitled to custody of the child and under s. 20(4) that right may be suspended if the parents are separated and the child resides with one of the parents with the consent (express or implied) or acquiescence of the other. The right to access is not restricted and the custodial arrangements may be varied through an agreement or court order.
                          Access is found under s. 20(5) of the Act and similarly to the Divorce Act it includes the right to visit the child, ask questions and receive information relevant to the child’s well-bring and upbringing.

                          And if Im the only one seeking resolution? That's where we're at. I try to communicate, cooperate, negotiate. They intimidate, VILLIFY, and fight. But it's my behavior your concerned about. Intriguing.
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          Parents are often driven by "fear" which is an "anxiety". When you see psychologists talk about fear is an element of anxiety. Worry is too. ".
                          Fear and anxiety are interrelated. Fear causes anxiety and anxiety causes fear. Anxiety deals more with apprehension or worry about the future whereas fear stimulates the amygdala, eliciting an emotional response to a "known" threat. Thus, I would presume parents are driven more by "anxiety"(unknown/worry) than "fear" (known threat). I wrote a thesis on how the two states operate in Panic Disorder. Very interesting. Parents worry about the future, upcoming court cases, etc. They "don't know" what the outcome will be.
                          Good news is it's normal. A moderate amount of anxiety is actually needed to push you, say for a test. Too much anxiety is obviously bad.
                          That's why you must monitor and do a bit of CBT on your internal scripts to distract from the worry.

                          And Tayken .. until you have your child (I wont say abducted) unilaterally removed while you were at work and hidden for months, you may not fully understand. Im sure you can even agree to that. I do have access/custody rights as a father. Resolution has been my focus since day 1. Im just waiting for the other party to jump aboard. Again, you preach reaching solutions. My ex wants continuous war and its my behavior you question.

                          Either way Tayken. You don't have to worry about me. 100% of the ppl on this forum are talking about their issues just like me. If you want to worry about somebody worry about my dear little 3 year old who is being held from her daddy.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-25-2014, 09:09 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Sadly, we're all a little right, and we're all a little wrong.

                            The system is SUPPOSED to be about the rights of the child and their best interests, but the reality is a mess of competing interests, egos, and personal vendettas. It highlights the need for a law that makes 50-50 the default, enforceable by police immediately upon breakdown of the relationship, (unless both parties consent otherwise) with the onus being on the applicants wishing a change to prove that it is not in the child's best interest.

                            One can certainly be right on a technicality that this is not abduction because it doesn't meet the letter of the law, but in practice, LF32's case is much closer to abduction than it is a simple case of "one party behaving badly". Just because the label doesn't match, doesn't mean that he isn't feeling the EFFECTS of his child being ripped from his life in a manner that is similar to abduction. Think about it, he gets her 3 hours a week, supervised, if he is lucky, and never knows if the access will happen. There are violent offenders in prison who get to see their children more often than LF32.

                            It is perfectly valid to say that LF32 shouldn't be caught up in an endless cycle of "what if" thoughts, but at the same time, it is perfectly valid for him to be prepared. Take, for example, the very wise advice that MrToronto gave him a while back about hiding under the bed (figuratively speaking, of course). Sure enough, there was one day when LF32's ex parked outside his house in the middle of his visitation, hoping to provoke an incident. Naturally, LF32 didn't bite, because he is too smart for that, and he has been given excellent advice.

                            Here's the thing, folks, LF32 has been given a mountain of advice for the simple reason that he has asked for it. True to his promise that he made in the beginning, he has not allowed it to consume him or drive him off a bridge. He has listened to everyone's different opinions and facts, and made, I think most of us will agree, all of the right calls for the last six months. He has legal counsel, he has avoided conflict, and he has had excellent quality time with his daughter on the occasions that he has been "allowed" to see her.

                            It is for that reason that I find some of the feedback from today to be driven by good intentions but a bit out of touch with LF32s reality. Some things that I hope that everyone will consider:

                            1) Three threads and thousands of messages, and I don't see anything up that identifies him, his ex, his daughter, or libels his ex. Nothing on this thread will either help or hurt his case if it ends up in a giant pile of printouts on a judge's desk. It will be binned.

                            2) LF32 has come a long way. He knows more. He is battle hardened. He is tougher. He has kept his head up. Try to give the man a little respect. He hasn't imploded yet, but many have. Perhaps he IS doing all of the right things to take care of himself. He is not obligated to justify that part of his life to anyone here. One user continues to suggest he see a "clinician", thus assuming that LF32 hasn't had the wherewithal to have already done so, or even truly needs it. This might be hard to believe, but not everyone that is subjected to stress requires constant therapy.

                            3) LF32 is indeed attempting to protect the rights of his child. Just because he references his own rights doesn't mean that he is doing all of this out of ego. The bottom line is that our society is immensely screwed up when it comes to defining fatherhood. There are those who rightly bash dad that don't pay child support and don't see their kids. Sadly, those people are also the ones that urge dads to avoid conflict, stay out of court, accept whatever access the mom thinks is right, and just sign the child support cheques. I am blown away by some of the folks on this forum who continue to ignore the fundamental fact that LF32 has little other option than to pursue this matter in court. There is no reaching out to the mother. She has lawyered up and built up the OCL and CAS wall. She's so textbook it's scary. LF32s rights in this matter are not to be slandered and treated as a second class parent. They are not mutually exclusive to the rights and best interests of his child, they are, quite frankly, interconnected.

                            4) Since he is ignoring me, Tayken won't be able to answer this, but I dearly wish he/she would stick his/her neck out and identify what, in his opinion, the resolution should be. Anyone notice that part? He/she won't accept that what the mother is doing is monstrous and harmful to the child, he/she simply says "it is a difficult situation". Most unfortunate.

                            Keep at er', LF32. I think you're on the right track.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Straittohell View Post

                              The system is SUPPOSED to be about the rights of the child and their best interests, but the reality is a mess of competing interests, egos, and personal vendettas. It highlights the need for a law that makes 50-50 the default, enforceable by police immediately upon breakdown of the relationship, (unless both parties consent otherwise) with the onus being on the applicants wishing a change to prove that it is not in the child's best interest.
                              Did I miss something, is the OCL report back? Last time I checked in, there was a claim of abuse. Until that claim has been settled, I don't think it is in the child's interest to have unsupervised access, let alone 50-50.

                              In fact, this case highlights our existing system striving to work to the childs advantage, and remains subject to review and reports. Mind you, the system could work a little quicker.
                              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                [\Quote] 4) Since he is ignoring me, Tayken won't be able to answer this, but I dearly wish he/she would stick his/her neck out and identify what, in his opinion, the resolution should be. Anyone notice that part? He/she won't accept that what the mother is doing is monstrous and harmful to the child, he/she simply says "it is a difficult situation". Most unfortunate.

                                Keep at er', LF32. I think you're on the right track.[/QUOTE]


                                Sometimes it is easier to hide behind a vague statement. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But in the end that is all it is and all it's worth.

                                But again, this is the internet and this is a public forum.


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