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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 03-14-2018, 10:06 AM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Default Coparenting Woes

I have been receiving the usual barrage of weekly emails from my ex even though our matter has settled (in January) and there is a new agreement. Lately he has been accusing me of not coparenting because a) I make decisions at my house that I donít consult him about and b) I donít usually respond to his emails because I donít wish to fuel the fire (important kid business is responded to). Examples of decisions I have made at my house he is angry about are: allowing my child to (tastefully) dye her hair, allowing my child to sign up for a joint Instagram account with myself that is fully monitored by me, allowing the kids to watch a PG13 tv show with me. Etc
So because he is so angry at me, he has told the kids that Mommy doesnít believe in coparenting so we will be ďdividingĒ the households then. This means sports he usually supported on his parenting time he will no longer bring the kids to. This is devastating to my daughter who is wishing to try out for a competitive team in her sport but wonít be able to do so if she attends only half the practices. In fact, Iíd likely just have to take her out of the sport altogether.

What can I do about this? Is he free to just decide to keep them home on his parenting time even though there is a well established status quo of him supporting their sports in the past?
I hate to see him using the kids like this as itís not punishing me, itís only punishing them.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated.


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  #2  
Old 03-14-2018, 10:59 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Crap!!! Sounds like your ex is a control freak. And is trying to rob you of being a parent to your child(ren). I hope you dont take your daughter out of her sport, I think its important that children have something to do that they love, it could keep them outta trouble in their teenage years. The hair, instagram and TV watching is trivial imo, just ignore but keeping her involved in sport that she love is worth fighting for.

If it was me, I think I would take his sorry ass to court and let a Judge tell him what the meaning of Best Interest of the Child is. Forget trying to mediate, I think in your situation its a game for him.

What a sad life he must lead, if it revolves around you and what you are doing, I feel sorry for his partner, if he has one, i wouldn't want to be in a relationship that focused on what my partners ex was doing.

Its ironic when our children are born and we have all these hopes and dreams for them, and it ends up like this.
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Old 03-14-2018, 11:16 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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As your ex has demonstrated, hes a pain in the ass. You could simply remind him that:

A) what goes on at your house is none of his business
B) refusing to take the children to their activities hurts the kids not you
C) discussing disputes he has with you with the children is detrimental to them.

Hes going to continue to be a jerk no matter what you do though and he has demonstrated he has zero reasoning skills. You could remind him that co-parenting doesnt mean you get to control what the other parent does, it means you do what IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. Its not like you took your kid to get their tongue pierced and a tattoo. Or that you are selling them on the dark net.

You may have to simply lay low with the kids for a few years to keep this ass happy. In the end hes only hurting himself. The kids will stop wanting to spend time with him after they see hes a jerk. Sad really.
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Old 03-14-2018, 04:27 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
B) refusing to take the children to their activities hurts the kids not you.
That's precisely the reason for him doing it. Presumably SHE doesn't want the kids hurt, so she's supposed to cave into his demands because of this tactic.

He may be bluffing.

Keep coparenting on the major decisions (of which enrolling child in a competitive sport is one) and do your own thing on the minor ones (hairstyle, choice of TV show in each house, etc). I would ignore his ranting and let the kid try out for the sport, and then see what he does if she makes the team. If he really does refuse to take her to practices on his time, then you can take action.

How old is the kid in question? Could she get to practice on her own if you agree to meet her there with her equipment?
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Old 03-14-2018, 04:32 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Who is paying for the child sport?
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Old 03-14-2018, 10:28 PM
ensorcelled ensorcelled is offline
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He's insane, but I do agree about the Instagram account. I don't think kids should be on social media but I know I'm in the minority there...
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Old 03-14-2018, 10:34 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
That's precisely the reason for him doing it. Presumably SHE doesn't want the kids hurt, so she's supposed to cave into his demands because of this tactic.

He may be bluffing.

Keep coparenting on the major decisions (of which enrolling child in a competitive sport is one) and do your own thing on the minor ones (hairstyle, choice of TV show in each house, etc). I would ignore his ranting and let the kid try out for the sport, and then see what he does if she makes the team. If he really does refuse to take her to practices on his time, then you can take action.

How old is the kid in question? Could she get to practice on her own if you agree to meet her there with her equipment?


No she couldnít and he would never allow it anyway. I would absolutely drive her every time. I am hoping you are right about the bluffing. We shall see...


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Old 03-14-2018, 10:37 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Who is paying for the child sport?


I do the registering. A portion of his child support is contributed to sports. There is a very specific budget laid out in the agreement with a cap he will not exceed even if the sports cost more than what is worked into child support.


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Old 03-14-2018, 10:45 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
He's insane, but I do agree about the Instagram account. I don't think kids should be on social media but I know I'm in the minority there...


I opened a joint account with her. We both post on it and all her friends have to be my friends too. I know there are different points of view on it but who gets to make that decision? Itís a slippery slope if you govern every move your ex partner makes. He has made stupid decisions I donít agree with as well but I know that the nature of divorce means I wonít get a say with the day to day stuff on his time. I feel that his issues are more about controlling me than what he thinks are the best interests of his children. Sometimes I think he has the polar opposite viewpoint just to have a reason to email me.


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Old 03-14-2018, 11:18 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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This might well come back to bite him, your daughter might very well resent the fact she cant play her sport while at Dads, and decide to stay at Moms full time.

Last edited by kate331; 03-15-2018 at 12:16 AM. Reason: spelling
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