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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-17-2018, 10:26 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Default how specific did ou get in exchanges in writing?

what I mean is, in your separation agreement, when child is going back and forth on regular schedule or holiday schedule do you just have the days they go, or do you put in detail right to the hour? if you didnt put in all the detail, did it cause you problems later?


Also:

Which way to you manage the schedule with holidays? I'll use an EOW as a simpler example, this could apply to other versions of schedules as well

There is a base schedule, then a week long vacation overrides the schedule and after, do you return to the exact same schedule, or do you switch the schedule? Example: sally has children EOW, then joe has kids for 1 week holiday and end of holiday coincided with sally's weekend. Therefore Sally missed that weekend with the kids. Do you keep the base schedule which means kids dont see sally until the next scheduled weekend, 2 weeks later? Or does sally have the kids the next following weekend, and then everytime there is a longer holiday you switch to the parent who did not have the previos weekend?

The first way, means you could plan,months if not years down the road and predict when each parent would have the kids on the base schedule, but it also means each parent at times may go without seeing kids for a longer period of time.

The second way ensures there is routine switching, but also means much less predictability. I suppose you could figure it out for a year or so at a time, but then what happens if there are surprise events which disturb that plan, and then 1 or both parents has already planned vacation or events the year out in advance.


What do you do and what are the pluses and minuses of it?
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  #2  
Old 03-18-2018, 01:16 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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My husband has EOW... If a holiday falls on my husbands weekend and the kids are scheduled to be with their mom, He gets a weekend in lieu, however if a holiday falls on moms weekend and it’s dads holiday time, mom doesn’t get a weekend in lieu... the lawyers did this because mom has the kids all week so dad gets a minimum of two weekends a month. Mom missing a weekend with the kids doesn’t effect her as much as Dad because she basically has 26 days a month to Dads 4.

They do have times in their agreement but they follow that loosely. I guess it’s there if they ever have to enforce that part but they are adults and are able to work out meeting times.


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Old 03-18-2018, 02:16 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Most agreements have something in there along the lines of “the holiday schedule supersedes the regular schedule” and “any other opportunities agreed upon by the parties” clauses.

Lets say easter is your ex’s this year and they go there three weekends in a row, it doesnt matter that it was three weekends because next year easter could fall on their weekend then you would have them three weekends in a row.

Most couples try to work it out together. You could say “do you want to switch a weekend so that you have a weekend to yourself?”
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Old 03-19-2018, 12:01 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
what I mean is, in your separation agreement, when child is going back and forth on regular schedule or holiday schedule do you just have the days they go, or do you put in detail right to the hour? if you didnt put in all the detail, did it cause you problems later?

Generally speaking, the more detail the better. When you are getting along, time of day probably doesn't matter, but then again neither does the agreement.


The agreement is there for when you are NOT getting along. That is exactly when you will have trouble being adults and agreeing on the right timing.


If you don't know where your kids will be at 10:23am on September 13th, 2021, then your agreement is not sufficiently specific.


Remember, you can always change the agreement by mutual consent. The agreement is there for when you do not have mutual consent. You can't assume good faith by the other side, otherwise you would not need the agreement in the first place.

Quote:
The second way ensures there is routine switching, but also means much less predictability.
Agreement could specify an automatic switch for holidays. Then there is still predictability.


eg. "If Mom has kids the weekend where they should be at Dad, then the previous weekend the kids will stay at Dads." A vice versa clause as well.
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Old 03-28-2018, 12:51 AM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Agree with Janus, 100%.
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Old 03-28-2018, 01:46 PM
MommaMouse MommaMouse is offline
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Ours is very specific....each holiday written out his time, my time so there is NO confusion...all holidays split down the middle since we only live 10 mins away. For example this easter he will get them from Friday at 4pm to Sat at 4pm and I will get them Sat at 4pm - Sunday at 4pm. Makes extended family get together super easy to plan....this is when I have the kids...this is when I don't. If my mother were to decide to throw Easter diner on Friday, the kids would up and leave before 4pm and she knows it.
We left vacations off the agreement for us it's one of those rare things I think we both see eye to eye on, a vacation opportunity comes up for the kids, neither of us batts an eye regardless of which one is taking them or who's time it falls on. It really is in their best interest to get as much from life as they can.
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Old 03-29-2018, 02:14 PM
Asphenaz Asphenaz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
The agreement is there for when you are NOT getting along. That is exactly when you will have trouble being adults and agreeing on the right timing.
And when you are not getting along, it's easier for one party to misinterpret unclear clauses for their benefit.

For example; Children shall be with X parent on Y day until 8 pm. Does this include drive time to return children or not?
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Old 03-29-2018, 02:20 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Thats not really unclear. Kids until 8 pm means you hand them over at 8 pm.
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