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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 03-15-2018, 09:23 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Can I ask how often he has the kids and when the sports are? Iím just talking from experience but my step daughter plays a sport that is every Sunday... which means on our EOW instead of having the kids until 5-6 like we normally do we have to drop them off at noon to the arena... so we lose 5 hours basically every weekend we have them. Then there are tournaments that always seem to fall on our weekends and this usually means my step daughter spends the weekend with her mom since her step dad coaches and itís usually out of town... it gets tough because we give up a lot of time with my step daughter (my step son always comes he wonít miss a visit)... we give up the time because itís what she wants to do and she enjoys it. We watch her games but we still lose out on time because we live 1.5 hours from where the games are so we canít take them back home only to turn around and meet at 6pm.

Iím sure your ex is just being difficult but Iím just trying to provide a different perspective. It sucks missing that time when you have so little, but it does have to be about the kids


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  #12  
Old 03-15-2018, 09:30 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Shes not upset about missing time. Shes upset that he will stop kid from going to her fave activity because hes a jerk.
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  #13  
Old 03-15-2018, 09:46 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Shes not upset about missing time. Shes upset that he will stop kid from going to her fave activity because hes a jerk.


Um that was exactly my point... heís missing time on his parenting time because of the activity. Which is why I asked what his parenting time was like.

As I said, itís a jerk move yes but if he only has EOW an activity can take up a lot of that time


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  #14  
Old 03-15-2018, 11:21 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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No hes refusing to hand kid back and take kid to activity. Hes going to make kid sit at his place when she should be at her activity. Hes not even giving up time. Hes making kid give up anything she enjoys to punish mom.
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  #15  
Old 03-15-2018, 11:59 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
No hes refusing to hand kid back and take kid to activity. Hes going to make kid sit at his place when she should be at her activity. Hes not even giving up time. Hes making kid give up anything she enjoys to punish mom.


Well if it is on his parenting time he is giving up parenting time. What youíre suggesting is he is withholding her parenting time so the child doesnít go to the activity? Iím not saying what he is doing is right and I disagree with it 100% but if itís his parenting time itís really his choice on what to do. All heís doing is hurting his daughter but we all know we canít force someone to be a good parent. Unless itís in the order that he must have her there, he really isnít breaking any rules, just being a crappy parent


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  #16  
Old 03-15-2018, 12:17 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I think from previous posts of hers they have a 60/40 custody split. So they would both have to agree on committing to activities as they would overlap on each others time. I am wondering how this may hurt him should it end up in front of a Judge. I think sport is very important and would fall under The Best Interest of the Child. Especially if its been a part of the childs life for some time.

Isnt part of parenting time, taking kids to activities/sports. I get there are some cases where distants is a problem, but doesnt sound like it is in this case.
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  #17  
Old 03-15-2018, 01:22 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Well if it is on his parenting time he is giving up parenting time. What youíre suggesting is he is withholding her parenting time so the child doesnít go to the activity? Iím not saying what he is doing is right and I disagree with it 100% but if itís his parenting time itís really his choice on what to do. All heís doing is hurting his daughter but we all know we canít force someone to be a good parent. Unless itís in the order that he must have her there, he really isnít breaking any rules, just being a crappy parent


From what I understand, because he wasnít ďallowedĒ to be a part of the hair dye and instagram account decisions (ie what goes on during moms parenting time at her house) heís reneging on all other decisions including taking the kid to her activity when it falls on his time. It was never a question of what happens on which parents time, its more why does he need to be a jerk to his kids because he wants to punish mom?

And remember too, he was given the opportunity for 50/50 to increase his time (and probably even out any ďlostĒ time for activities) but he refused it after he had (attempted to extort) demanded it.

He would be taking kid to the activity. I donít think taking your kid to something like soccer and being on the sidelines and participating in their excitement over an activity is losing time. Your situation is absolutely losing time but this hasnít been presented as such. He lives near them and doesnít have to sacrifice. He could even be involved in the activity as a volunteer if he wanted!
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  #18  
Old 03-15-2018, 01:24 PM
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The dad is threatening that because the mom didn't consult him on minor things such as hairstyle and TV watching, he's going to refuse to bring the child to an activity she enjoys when it happens to fall on his time. Presumably his goal is to manipulate mom into not doing minor things with the child on her time that he disapproves of, because obviously mom doesn't want the child to miss her activity.



One assumes the dad doesn't want the child to miss the activity either, but he appears willing to do it to get back at the mom. Types like this don't often back down, and he will blame his actions as being necessary because the mom was unreasonable about the minor things.



Sadly, the mom has to be firm here and call his bluff, even if it requires taking him to court to get the kid to the activity, or this sort of manipulation will happen again and again and only get worse.


Eventually, the relationship between dad and child will suffer, because when the child gets old enough, she'll remember who enabled her activities, and who stood in the way.
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  #19  
Old 03-15-2018, 01:29 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I would also recommend she keep all the correspondence so when he drives the kid away with his behaviours and then says heís not paying for school because of the relationship, mom has all the proof of why. Not that he can get away with that but he strikes me as the type to pull financing and claim heís been dad of the year and he cant understand why the kids donít speak to him.
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  #20  
Old 03-15-2018, 01:41 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I agree that mom has to call his bluff... Dads being a jerk there is no doubt about that but without a clause in their agreement that he must take the child to said sport he has the option of not taking her. Itís an unfortunate part of divorce.

Getting a clause in the agreement stating child is to be in said activity is probably the only way to force dads hand. As was stated Dad is only harming his child but heís hoping mom will back down. Time for mom to set boundaries with Dad and show she wonít be controlled by his unwillingness to coparent


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