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  • court. Q. and Email from Lawyer.

    my case is being heard this tuesday, april 24th.

    I forgot to add a document(exhibit) to the Forum 14. will I beable to add to it on the day of?

    E-mail from Lawyer:

    Dear Bern,

    I am prepared to make the following offer in respect of the Motion for contempt:

    1. We will adjourn the Motion for Contempt to a date in late August, provided that you:
    2. Actively encourage the children to see their father;
    3. Advise T. of all major sporting or school events including, school concerts, end of school events and sports games, practices and tournaments,
    4. Provide T. with copies of school notices, progress reports and report cards; and
    5. You will provide T. of times when he can spend time with boys.

    I have attached an offer to settle regarding the property issues and I can advise that T.is in agreement with signing the matrimonial home over to you in exchange for a release in his pension as outlined in my offer to settle.

    He is in agreement with paying half of the mortgage penalty provided that you wave the child support arrears in exchange.

    He is willing to pay you $364.00 for the month of May because he is not sure of his return to work date and it will be at least 2 weeks before he receives a pay cheque once he does return. He will pay you $778.00 per month beginning June 1, 2012 which is the full guideline amount of support based on his income of $52,379.00, which is his income for 2012 assuming that he returns to work by May 1, 2012. Whether or not you agree with him being off of work, he has been approved for sick leave and we are willing to proceed with the motion in which case we will be asking for costs of the motion.

    T. is in agreement with paying half of the costs of the end of school year trips but you will be responsible for spending money as that is covered by child support.

    Please advise me of your response as soon as possible so that I can confirm with the court whether either of the Motions are proceeding. I must advise the court by 2:00 pm tomorrow whether or not the Motion is proceeding.

    Sincerely,


    keeping in mind he his at top level pay of $66, per year adding on other pay prim of $8,000.
    2 yrs of arrears at which time, his income was $97,000
    my income is still at base level $52,000 yrly.

    I have supported two kids on my own, I feel he should have to pay FRO the $$.

    any help or thoughts on this crazyness...

    thanks you all

    B.

    My X

  • #2
    Settling means putting an end to all the crazyness. It doesn't mean recovering every last cent that you feel you are owed. Many of us hear settled out of court, and practically by definition that means we gave up something, in some cases a lot.

    No one here can tell you what you should do, if it is "enough" or if you will be happy. I can only suggest that you will be under a hell of a lot less stress and be able to move on in your life once everything is settled.

    Regarding the lawyer's points 2-5, these are VERY reasonable and if you haven't been doing this all along, you shoud start yesterday.

    The trade off of the mat home for the pension, we don't have the numbers, I presume you have discussed this, is it reasonable?

    His is income is what he can show, or what you can SHOW his income to be. If you have proof (and that is nearly impossible) that he is earning more, or capable of earning more, you are looking at a long, expensive court battle to get a couple of hundred dollars a month more for the children. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that I personally settled for less child support to end it and stay out of a trial.

    Your biggest issue seems to be the arrears. I'm not sure if he was paying $0 all that time, which would be a substantial amount and grossly unfair to the children, or was he paying too little? What is the total amount of the arrears? If it is substantial I would suggest offering to settle for, say, 70%, or whatever you are comfortable with. But without knowing the total I couldn't begin to suggest what a reasonable settlement would look like.

    Comment


    • #3
      I was never given ANY offer of settlement. I'd be tempted to end it if possible, keeping in mind Mess' Suggestions ^ being possibly included. The time/money it costs to drag this out - it's soooo worth considering Settling.

      Comment


      • #4
        The decision is mine to make that’s for sure. I just feel boggled/frustrated by all this. I guess it’s hard for me to understand how a person would just drop all responsibilities with regards to the 2 kids.
        The arrears for FRO is $33,000.
        He made 0 payments, instead reduced pay to EI. The kids don’t want contact at the moment but I do hope that will change. Age’s 10/13.
        Anabolic steroids, Alcohol, narcotics, and overdose while with children.
        And to top it inappropriate sexual behaviour while in the same bed with children.
        it would be good to just move on and give in..

        thanks
        B

        Comment


        • #5
          It's not giving in. It's moving on. You made it this far.. No one could blame you for settling this. I have a friend that was in Court a couple of years ago. I too was up to the neck in my own litigation. My situation had "Trial" written all over it. I remember at the time thinking she gave in/gave up too easily. I see where settling was the best thing (for her now) and that she saved herself a world of further stress and money, that she really didn't have, by choosing to settle. In hindsight, given her and her ex's situation (finances etc) she would have been ruined by going to Trial and Support-wise, not any better off than what was achieved by settling.

          My ex owes pretty hefty arrears (similar to the amt in your situation). Our matter is going through FRO. It's in the processing stages. I have no idea when I will start receiving the ordered CS/SS. I would have rather not had to go to Trial. It really was not an option for me to avoid it. The other side ignored our formal offer to settle, and in the earlier days - there was (is) just no negotiating anything with the Ex. It remains to be seen how the FRO's involvement will work for me. They are my only hope though. Every situation is different. If you can settle, do it. Your life will start sooner than if you stay in the gridlock of Family Court Litigation.

          Comment


          • #6
            What would the amount of the mortgage penalty be? Within 10K of the amount of arrears he owes? You can expect it to cost at least that to litigate the matter, so if the penalty costs are close to that, I'd recommend to settle.

            Otherwise:

            2. Actively encourage the children to see their father;
            You should be doing this anyway. MAJOR black mark if he can prove you are not. At least one of the kids is NOT old enough to decide for themselves. Offer counselling at his expense to help facilitate ways to repair the relationship maybe?

            3. Advise T. of all major sporting or school events including, school concerts, end of school events and sports games, practices and tournaments,
            Does the school have a website that has this info? I'm in bumblefuck, NB and MY kids school has a site that contains all this info. Reply with the website

            4. Provide T. with copies of school notices, progress reports and report cards
            Counter offer with "T. be permitted to speak to the children's school, and to be able to request copies of all relevant records, make his own parent-teacher conference arrangements, etc"

            In all reality, unless he's under a no contact order or supervised access order of some type, he should be doing/legally permitted to do this anyway.

            5. You will provide T. of times when he can spend time with boys.
            Should be doing this anyway. If overnights are a sticking point, then why not allow several hours a week out in the community? Kind of hard for him to do any damage for a couple hours at a park or something.

            Sell it to him that it would be best for the children if they started off small and worked up to additional time. Offer to pay the cost for the kids movie tickets, or sporting event or whatever out of the CS. Actively seek out local activities in the area and offer them up as suggestions.

            I have attached an offer to settle regarding the property issues and I can advise that T.is in agreement with signing the matrimonial home over to you in exchange for a release in his pension as outlined in my offer to settle.
            How close are these numbers? Value in the mat. home within 10K of the pension valuation?

            He is in agreement with paying half of the mortgage penalty provided that you wave the child support arrears in exchange.
            How much is the penalty? See above. If it's within 10K, then it's probably best to settle. If it's NOT, then simply counter with "agree to reduce his support arrears by the amount of T.'s contribution to the mortgage penalty". The penalty should be included as a mat. debt against equalization, so even if the two of you cannot agree and one of you forces the sale of the home, THAT penalty is going to get included in a proper equalization regardless.

            As for the rest of it, it all depends on what he can prove. IF he's on sick leave, he has income from EI. EI maxes out at around 1500/month. Calculate his CS obligation based on that, and that's what he SHOULD be paying. Otherwise, the expectation is that he is living off SOMETHING, and as such should be able to pay CS. He'll get dinged for SOMETHING, it's just a matter of how much. Unfortunately, only you can make the call on what is worthwhile to negotiate on. My advice is outlined above, and it's pretty similar to what others have said.

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm gonna go out on a limb and point out that a short trial will cost upwards of $30,000 and any offer to settle that ballparks less than that is worth considering, not even counting the emotional and mental distress a trial would cause (which is also worth a lot).

              I settled too, I lost out financially but not that badly, but was able to get the custody I wanted which was worth it.

              It's a pretty good feeling to put it behind me. There's still the occasional conflict with the ex, but with a good separation agreement in place, the most either of us have been able to do is ask our lawyers occasional questions for clarification due to not 100% understanding all the clauses. In each case, both of us have had to give up arguments and accept what we signed. It has worked both ways for us, and been quoted and referenced during disagreements on both sides.

              To me that's a sign of a good agreement. It's still only been in effect less than a year but it is standing up to scrutiny.

              Comment


              • #8
                Gosh.. This was really very helpfull thank you all so much.. Big help

                Comment

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