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  • sent to mediation

    we had our case conference and first appearance yesterday and the judge has sent us to mediation......what should I expect.....I was hoping to get his over & done with......his lawyer is as bad as he is.......she stated he has been paying the table amount of child supporthowever failed to mention her client was recieving rental income and I didnt get a chance to let the judge know.......I felt that judge leaned in his direction whereas he had legal representation.......there were alot of issues that werent even discussed......I feel like it was pushed through the court to be dumped on mediators lap......will I have a chance to say what I need to and show my evidence of his deciet and lies.......I did however get to let the judge know the ex has paid nothing towards daycare and he wasnt happy about that...I was asked why I want sole custody and my intentions with that.....I was honest and said I want to be able to take my son anywhere without having to chase his father for consent....the judge thought that was reasonable.......Im not happy having to go to mediation instead of this being taken care of......mediation means having to be in room with person in this world I despise the most.......what can I expect with this mediation and how long does it take

  • #2
    Littlemen,

    Is the mediator to file a report or is the mediation closed?

    If mediation is not successful to obtain a resolution to the issues, you will have to bring forth an interim motion. With your interim motion, you will have an opportunity to attach your proof to your affidavit to support your stance in your motion.

    Ultimately a court can't order a parties to attend mediation, the court can make a recommendation. If one party refuses mediation it says a lot about their character and demeanor. It even portrays them to be unreasonable

    ie: custody issue - focus on the best interest of the child; and your reasons for a sole custody regime. There are many arguments to support your stance.

    child support - tabled amount every month plus section 7 extra curricular expenses.


    LV

    Comment


    • #3
      mediation

      how long does this mediation take........I have heard from others that it resolves nothing and just frustrates things........

      Comment


      • #4
        mediation

        I agreed to the mediation......not exactly what I wanted however.......I also agreed to a childrens lawyer.........

        Comment


        • #5
          Mediation can be successful if both parties are willing to settle the issues.

          I think you know where your legal stance is already, you have a problem somewhat of the other party not providing a honest financial picture to determine their true financial picture. is one. ie: Not claiming rental income when they should etc

          Child support is tabled amount by default. Determined amount is cross referenced against a payor's income from the Child support guideline tables. The other party is going to have to come clean and claim the rent.

          Child support is to be paid for 12 months of the year - You will get this. If a child goes to visit the other parent, for a month, child support is to be still paid for that month. Reason being is that you still have to provide shelter for the child when the child returns.

          Section 7 extracurricular expenses are prorated to reflect against each parent's respective income. Dental, medical, sport expenses etc.

          Child Custody

          Keep in mind if your acting in the ongoing best interest of the child, which I believe you are and everything is going well for the child, court's seldom interrupt the status quo.

          This is your strongest stance, as you have been acting independently, ie taking the child to medical appointment s etc. You have a significant length of defacto custody, 5 years and I must say that the cross claim for custody only came forth by the other party when you applied for child support. Prior to this the other party had no problems with you taking on the full responsibility. If I see it, so will the courts.

          One thing to remember;

          Be sure to keep the child's other parent fully informed in all aspects of the child's health and welfare.

          If mediation is not successful on all the issues, then you will have to bring forth an interim motion to get some relief on the issues.

          LV

          Comment


          • #6
            mediation

            thank you for your on going support..its definately needed.....how long does this mediation take to get the issues resolved......I was hoping to take my child to the USA for beginning to mid june for a weekend vacation

            Comment


            • #7
              littleman,

              Mediation can take an hour, it can take several. It all depends on the parties.

              I would go into mediation with an open mind.

              Mediation won't occur on the weekends, I don't think. The mediation is by apointment. Schedule an apointment that is convenient to both parties.

              I am not sure how you would be prevented from taking the weekend vacation.

              If mediation is a bust, you will have to file for an interim motion, Back log depending on the jurisdiction is usually about 2 months to secure a motion date.

              LV

              Comment


              • #8
                mediation

                can you tell me how long this mediation takes to resolve anything (if anything).......I dont know when my first session is.....is there just one session or are there many......the reason I am asking is for work purposes........is this where I voice my concerns about him wanting our child and he works nights and his proposed action to have our child cared for when he works........his lies about everything (support guidelines and ommission of rental income for his income table amount)........I need some sort of guidance for this........I am completely lost when it comes to mediation........I have never been to one of these.......

                Comment


                • #9
                  can you tell me how long this mediation takes to resolve anything (if anything).......I dont know when my first session is.....is there just one session or are there many......the reason I am asking is for work purposes........is this where I voice my concerns about him wanting our child and he works nights and his proposed action to have our child cared for when he works........his lies about everything (support guidelines and ommission of rental income for his income table amount)........I need some sort of guidance for this........I am completely lost when it comes to mediation........I have never been to one of these.......
                  Here is the Reader's Digest condensed version of the mediation process:

                  Step 1 - Pre-Mediation - The Mediator meets the parties independently to identify the primary issues and to determine if mediation is feasible.

                  Step 2 - 1st Mediation Session (Just before you start) - If the mediation is feasible, both parties will meet with the mediator and both parties will sign an agreement to mediate which is a contract between the parties and the mediator establising the way in which mediation will be conducted, payment of fees, and that mediation is "without prejudice": nothing that happens in mediation can come up in court and neither party can force the mediator to be a witness in court should litigation occur

                  Step 3 - 1st Mediation Session (and subsequent sessions) - you and your former spouse will be seated in a quiet room, possibly around a table or possibly apart from each other on two chairs. In front of you will be a flip board. The mediator will facilitate the mediation process by writing on the flip board all of the issues to be discussed. These are a mediator's notes. This big flip board notes make up the record of what transpired in mediation for the mediator when he/she completes the Mediator's Report at the end of the mediation process. The Mediator's Report can come in two forms: a record of what the areas of disagreement were should the mediation fairl, or; a record of what the areas of ageement were should the mediation be successful. The mediator's report (if mediation was successful) is made available to the parties - they take that report to their respective legal counsel and their legal counsel can draft an agreement or Consent Order based on the mediation report.

                  Other things to consider:

                  a) The number of mediation sessions is entirely based on the ability of one or both parties to collaborate rather than play "the blame game". You are there to "work the problem" as opposed to become "part of the problem".

                  b) A mediators job is to "reframe" each parties position on issues so that either side can better understand things in a less advesarial way. A mediator cannot give legal advice - however, he/she can offer solutions to both parties as part of the problem solving process.

                  c) It is best to defer to your mediator in helping facilitate the process. A good mediator will ask, ask, ask, ask, and then ask some more questions of each of you - the reason for this is because it helps the mediator develop a hypothesis about the dynamic of the conflict and whether certain areas of conflict can be resolved.

                  d) Did I mention defer to the mediator? If you aren't sure about something - ask. A good mediator will introduce tools that both parties can use to reduce conflict. The primary reason why mediation fails is because one or both parties really isn't interested in solving the problem and they are in mediation because they have a greater concern about how a judge might view them if they refused to mediatate.

                  e) Expect rhetoric - if there is conflict then one or both parties often revert back to "schoolyard tactics" of name calling, obfuscation, blaming and more. It can be a very nasty experience if you engage in the conflict. A good mediator (like me for example) will read both parties the riot act when the rhetoric starts up.

                  Could take one session - could take ten. Depends on the degree of conflict.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    mediation

                    work out the problem that he has not be living up to his parental responsibility and has tried everything in the book not to........what you are telling me that anything that is said in mediation cannot be said in court if a motion is filed? I honestly didnt want to go to mediation however I find it in the best interest of my child..........I just want the ex to pay his three years backdated childcare expenses and retro child support based on his total ncome including rent he recieves........from what you said I understand that if this goers for motion that if the rent is mentioned and the daycare expenses are mentioned in mediation I cannot mention them if it returns to court???

                    I am very confused over this .

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The mediation process is entirely without prejudice - nothing that occurs in mediation can be brought up in court.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        hmmmmmmmm

                        if mediation doesnt work then what would be the point of doing it........wouldnt that be like shooting myself in the foot........if i terll the mediator that we are there due to the fathers lack of payment for extraordinary expenses and he does his famous lies & excuses and it gets no where......leaving me to make a motion with the court then I will be (pardon the language) screwed out of the claim against him

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Nobody can be ordered to attend family mediation as I understand it. If you believe that you will be unable to reach a settlement in mediation, then clearly you will have to seek relief through the courts.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The Family Law Act R.S.O 1990 c.F.3 has this to say about mediation;

                            http://www.e-laws.gov.on.ca/DBLaws/S...0f03_e.htm#BK3

                            Mediation

                            3. (1) In an application under this Act, the court may, on motion, appoint a person whom the parties have selected to mediate any matter that the court specifies. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (1).

                            Consent to act

                            (2) The court shall appoint only a person who,

                            (a) has consented to act as mediator; and

                            (b) has agreed to file a report with the court within the period of time specified by the court. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (2).

                            Duty of mediator

                            (3) The mediator shall confer with the parties, and with the children if the mediator considers it appropriate to do so, and shall endeavour to obtain an agreement between the parties. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (3).

                            Full or limited report

                            (4) Before entering into mediation, the parties shall decide whether,

                            (a) the mediator is to file a full report on the mediation, including anything that he or she considers relevant; or

                            (b) the mediator is to file a limited report that sets out only the agreement reached by the parties or states only that the parties did not reach agreement. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (4).

                            Filing and copies of report

                            (5) The mediator shall file with the clerk or registrar of the court a full or limited report, as the parties have decided, and shall give a copy to each of the parties. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (5).

                            Admissions, etc., in the course of mediation

                            (6) If the parties have decided that the mediator is to file a limited report, no evidence of anything said or of any admission or communication made in the course of the mediation is admissible in any proceeding, except with the consent of all parties to the proceeding in which the mediator was appointed. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (6).

                            Fees and expenses

                            (7) The court shall require the parties to pay the mediator’s fees and expenses and shall specify in the order the proportions or amounts of the fees and expenses that each party is required to pay. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (7).

                            Idem, serious financial hardship

                            (8) The court may require one party to pay all the mediator’s fees and expenses if the court is satisfied that payment would cause the other party or parties serious financial hardship. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 3 (8).

                            lv

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by littleman
                              if mediation doesnt work then what would be the point of doing it........wouldnt that be like shooting myself in the foot........if i terll the mediator that we are there due to the fathers lack of payment for extraordinary expenses and he does his famous lies & excuses and it gets no where......leaving me to make a motion with the court then I will be (pardon the language) screwed out of the claim against him
                              Hey Littleman, I tried mediation and it was a waste of time and $$$ in my case, but I have know others that tried it and worked. If your ex is the manipulative or controlling type, I don't recommend it. I understand that you are representing yourself. Is your ex going to have his lawyer with him during mediation? Don't let them bully you into an agreement your not comfortable with. Normally the lawyers make up mediation briefs in advance to give the mediator a "picture" of both positions so find out if you need to prepare one. Make sure you have a say in who the mediator is, and make sure you check out their credentials.

                              Comment

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