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  • other parent making appearances on your parenting time

    I suppose the other parent is still at it with me. She has now (with a family friend that has involvement in the case and shows up at each and every single court date) started showing up "jogging" at the same park that I have started taking child to (where she has made her best friend). To give this some context, child and I started going to this park every weekday visit with her best friend (who she met and became best friends with on my parenting time) for a couple of months now and then all of oh a sudden mom and friend start showing up "jogging" coming in direct contact with asking questions that are intended to criticize the child about the certain type of drink that I bought for her during _my_ parenting time.

    I see it as an intentional move by the other parent to interfere with my parenting time - to make a presence in her continued attempts to create unnecessary conflict. She is not too happy about me not engaging in any communications with her at the exchanges and seems to be looking for ways to create a fight and then call the cops and say I was threatening her or something (as she has in the past).

    I cannot say that it doesn't fully not bother me as it would be like me jogging outside of the school every morning and afternoon that the child is dropped off or picked off, and outside of babysitters, and outside of activities she attends (and inside them) - coming into contact with child and other parent. I do not think that this is something I would do.

    Other parent and I are not in talking terms in person and I have tried to speak to her previously just hello and bye in civil way so _our_ child learns these simple things such as how to communicate with people, etc and at times she engages me and starts asking me about court related stuff in front of the child at which point I have to ignore and respond "I would be happy to talk to you about that at a later date" and walk away - it's things like this (and prior false threats) that has made me decide that it's best to avoid any communication with her at exchanges (especially in front of _child_).

    I am receiving hundreds of messages from her mocking me and trying to put me down as a parent , criticizing me about everything, telling me what to do or what not to do (e.g., don't take child to school event, etc) and complaining that I don't speak to her in person (most recently just a week before she showed up at the park). Other parent is very controlling and I firmly believe that she is brain washing child and has worked with the babysitter and coached her to not greet me properly - child only greets me properly at school where it is a neutral place and there is no external pressure from anybody against me. It does not happen at the babysitters as the babysitter has also been brainwashing the child and getting into our business about things that are simply not any of her business.

    What I'm looking for here is some guidance and words of wisdom as to what is motivating the other parent and how I can best handle the situation. Right now I'm just doing "nothing" because I don't know what the right thing to do is. Child has asked me if I was happy that she got to see her mom and I just replied yes of course, I was very happy for you that you got to see your mom.
    Last edited by trinton; 06-14-2017, 11:12 PM.

  • #2
    Reading this over, couple things look confusing so I will clarify.

    Mom shows up at park with a family friend.

    Child and I are there with the _child's_ best friend who the child has met on my parenting time.

    Child does not properly greet me at daycare's or with exchanges where mom or babysitter are present and only greets me properly at the school where there is no external pressures.

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    • #3
      If it's a public park not much you can do except don't keep a normal time to go. If you go a certain time each time then she knows.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        If you go a certain time each time then she knows.
        The weekday visits are same time every week (block of couple hours).

        I wonder if I should start going to a diff park and see if they follow us around and then make a stalking and harrassment case against her. I already feel like am being stalked and harrassed with her showing up at same park I take child to for my visits.
        Last edited by trinton; 06-15-2017, 08:41 AM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          If it's a public park not much you can do except don't keep a normal time to go. If you go a certain time each time then she knows.
          Go to a different park or different place. Change it up. The kid will enjoy the differences and you won't have to deal with this.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
            Go to a different park or different place. Change it up. The kid will enjoy the differences and you won't have to deal with this.
            Spoke to my lawyer about this and he basically said I shouldn't have to do that as that is my private time with the child (that she shouldn't be showing up.)

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            • #7
              You shouldn't have to be checking with your lawyer on a daily basis (your bill must be very high). This is a common-sense decision.

              If you want to keep the drama out of your life you will go to different parks (change them up). If your ex resorts to following you then you go to the police and talk to them about it.

              No we shouldn't have to do these sorts of things but IN THE REAL WORLD we have to. You have the choice of spending mega bucks in court with your lawyer or simply not being where she can harass you. Abused women face this sort of sicko behavior from their ex's.

              You end your communication with your ex unless it is regarding the child. This includes text. If she continues to harass you then you take the matter up with the police. Be sure to get the police file number (when you complain they open a file).

              Complaining to the police does not escalate things. Rather it documents things. You need to do what is necessary to protect your daughter and shield her from what is happening. That is your main concern.

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              • #8
                Good point. I don't contact him daily though. We normally meet once a month (usually before next court date) and catchup and prepare.

                I will rarely reach out to him if something small has come up and if I'm not really sure about the decision. I had to talk to him about other things and give him a document for a letter we have going out and thought I might as well check in with him on this issue as well- it wouldn't hurt.

                Fortunately his not like my last lawyer who was a dime and nicekl phone and email docket type of lawyer. My legal costs have gone down significantly since I hired my new lawyer despite him having a higher hourly rate. He didn't charge me for _any_ of the emails my ex was sending him when she was self represented. I didn't even have to ask for that. He doesn't charge for any emails I sent to him either. Just letters (once a month) , meetings court document preperation and court attendence. I usually have list of all issues prepared and hammer them out in 5-10 minutes when I meet with him to prepare or meet with him at court. My bills are really calming.

                anyways, as his suggestion, he's going to add a sentence about this issue to the letter. He doesn't like how she just shows up and comes to interact with us. He's basically going to tell her to respect my privacy / private time with child and stay away.

                I suppose if she continues then I will switch parks. Or I think I will speak to the other parent who I meet up with and we both switch parks anyways. He's a good witness. If mom shows up at new park then I will figure out a next course of action including filing a report with the police. This letter from my lawyer which asks her to stay away wouldn't be a bad thing when that time comes I wouldn't think.

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                • #9
                  I'm not sure that you can file a police report if your ex shows up at a park. That being said, this sounds super annoying...I hate people invading my private time/space...especially when I'm with my kids.

                  Personally, I'd just find somewhere else to go and switch up the times so its hard to figure out where/when you're going. And as much as you can...just ignore it. Enjoy your parenting time and try to keep the drama in check.

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