Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Spouse Denying Access

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Spouse Denying Access

    My wife and I are separating, and due to CCAS involement (I was mentally ill, but recovering), I require supervised access to see my three young sons. My wife does not want to be the supervisor and will not agree to any of alternate supervisors I have suggested, nor does she have any ideas for alternates, so she's denying me access to my children. The CCAS's position is that if there is no child safety issue with the supervisor, then they don't have a problem, but my wife is rejecting them for personal reasons.
    We are in the very early stages of separating, and I don't have legal representation yet, and the head games she is playing about access is beginning to affect my mental wellness. Is there anything I can do in the interim to enforce my right to see my children?

  • #2
    Buy a notebook.
    Document these sort of things.
    call the local court house and try to arrange mediation through the family law information center. Document the attempt in your note book.
    Obtain legal representtion ASAP, if possible, otherwise file an Application on your own at the local court. Keep any documents you have where CCAS and your ex explain their position.
    Basically there's nothing you can do until she agrees, or you get a court order stipulating who is allowable as a supervisor.
    CAS (and I imagine CCAS) offer supervised meeting centers and exchange points (for a fee). Offer that as a solution. Do it in writing, and keep notes in your newly purchased notebook.

    Comment


    • #3
      I would send her a list of various individuals whom you believe to be capable of a) being civil with her (generally impartial would be best) and b) who are capable of caring for the children should your mental capacity diminish.

      Should she not agree to any of those individuals, suggest a Supervised Access Centre. They will charge a fee, and but they are impartial and keep notes you can buy. Unfortunately, they are not open on weekends, so any parenting time would have to be within their schedule. If you live in or near a major city centre, there will almost guaranteed be one.

      Otherwise, continue to provide her with lists of individuals whom you believe would be suitable supervisors. She needs to have reasonable explanations why she won't agree with your proposed supervisors. Her "not liking" them or unfounded accusations are not reasonable explanations. Each time you provide your list, request her reasoning on why each of them are unsatisfactory to her and request she provide you with a list of individuals whom she would accept. If she gives you a list, even if the people are distasteful to you, I may suck it up and agree to one of them just to see the kids. But I would also wear a digital voice recorder 100% of the time during your parenting time.

      If you find you've exhausted all your options and she isn't willing to recipricate with a list herself, have your lawyer file a motion to have access held an access centre or alternatively unsupervised as your ex is being unreasonable and uncooperative.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks for the advice. Off to buy a new notebook. I've been archiving our emails and facebook chats too.
        Sad Dad

        Comment


        • #5
          The one thing I know for certain is that family law is not good on anyones mental health. The other posters have given you good advice on what to do with her. My advice pertains more to you. Keep up with what ever support net you have put in place and try to keep yourself as centered as you can.

          The stress levels have pushed me to my limits. and I know how emotionally draining this game can be. It is cruel to you and cruel to your kids. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you find swift resolve to regaining access to see your children.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thankfully, my therapy helped me to develope great mindfullness, distress tolerance and effective communications skills. My care net is only a phone call away, and I'm super careful not to let myself wallow in my frustration. It sucks, but that's the way she's decided to make it.
            Thanks for the kindness.

            Comment


            • #7
              So, here's an update for you. We had made arrangements for us to go out as a family to a local restauant and have out middle son's birthday party. My ex gave me her word that this would happen, but when I showed up at the door today, the doors to the family home were locked, the lights out and nobody home! Obviousy, she's playing some sort of sick game. What do I do other than document the situation?

              Comment


              • #8
                Stop taking her word as legitimate.
                Are there any other relatives? Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent?
                Maybe try to 'swing by' one of their homes when the children just happen to be visiting. That's certainly not a 'legal' view. More along the lines of something I would do just to see my kids. I could see that leading to conflict, however. Can you rely on ANY other family to be reasonable, and help out?
                Oh.. and write it down. Thats crap, her pulling that.
                The best advice anyone here can give you is be as REASONABLE as possible in your behaviour/actions. Especially in the face of such shenanigans. Don't let her win by becoming upset and doing something stupid.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I am keeping my cool and hunting for a lawyer to get an emergency access order. I know that she's doing this so that I'll make a mistake and do something stupid that she can hold against me.

                  From now on, all communications are going to be between our lawyers unless she starts acting like a reasonable human being again.

                  And of course writing it all down.

                  Does anyone know specifically what the emergency access order should look like?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    One thing I will share from personal experience.
                    Hopefully you guys don't get to the point where everyone is calling the cops on each other all the time. But should that happen - the cops write down how you react and behave in your dealings with them. I once had my ex call the cops on me because she claimed I stole our mutual sons coat. (I had forgotten it at home before leaving for the exchange).
                    The cop wrote in his report a rather telling scenario where he kept within his duty of being unbiased - but used her and my respective reaction/behviour to underline that it was a ridiculous thing she was trying to pull by demanding to have me charged with theft - and me just kind of laughing it off as a simple mistake that would be rectified the next time we exchaged the child (when I would return the jacket).

                    Another such incidednt occured where they called the police because I was using my cell to film the boy play in his snow fort in front of her house at exchange. When I returned 4 hours later to drop him off - the police were waiting. I spoke with them, showed them the video, and was on my way. His report again used each of our attitudes to underline the fact that all I had been doing was filming my son's natural excitement of youth in his new snow fort, and that mom had a big chip on her shoulder as she wasn't even in the video. That stuff is gold come trial.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I feel great empathy for your personal pain, and pray that I don't have to do through that kind of BS every time I see my kids.

                      I think that calling the police at this point would only traumatize my children, and their well being is my primary concern. Not being able to see their father and being shuffled off into hiding not IMO in the interest of their well being.

                      Is this the beginnig of Vengeful Spouse Syndrome?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        If I were you, I would keep all communication to email. This way you have a means of tracking communication. No more phone calls unless they are emergencies.

                        What you do now is send a calm email to the ex stating something like "Hello Ex, I arrived at your house at [x] time to pick up the children for [insert reason here] as previously discussed and agreed to. When I arrived the children were there for the exchange in parenting time. I was greatly disappointed with being unable to exercise my agreed time with the children and as such would appreciate it if I were able to make up this parenting time at the earliest possible opportunity. I am available on the following dates [insert dates]. Please confirm which date is suitable to you, or failing that, please provide me with equal times on other dates which you are available."

                        And document, document and document.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          We are not at the stage that we have a court approved visitation schedule, so I don't think that would get me anywhere. At this point, I need to get an emergency access order (or whatever the technical name is) so that I have something that can be enforced.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            'enforcement' is tricky.
                            Do you really want the police there to 'enforce' n order?
                            Remember that mexican kid or whatever in the states that was removed at gunpoint by a swat team? Surely no child should be subjected to that regardless of how much an ass one parent is being.

                            HammerDad is saying "document" it. A verbal agreement is valid, and you firing off an email as he suggested is only putting down what happened in writing - and showing you would be reasonable by offering make-up dates.
                            It's good advice, I think.

                            You are correct, however, in understanding you need a legitimate document stating whats what that may be used to indicate she is 'breaking the deal' versus just being an idiot.

                            I'm not sure, but I think you need to get an application into court before an 'emergency motion'. I would imagine they could be done at the same time. But logic tells me you need to start a case before filing an emergency motion on a case.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'll try asking for an alternate date, but first I'm going to get my lawyer and CCAS up to speed with this weekend's events. Best to get their input too. Maybe they can suggest something since I'm new to this stuff.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X