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  • exclusive possession question

    after the exclusive possession of the home ends (it was only good for a year) do i have the right not only to be on our property but to enter our house? (i need to take pictures for court.)

  • #2
    I guess i should be more clear, but if you look at my previous posts it will help. The year will be up soon, and her exclusive possession and her falsely obtained protection order will be expired. Our house (in this last year) has fallen into disrepair this last year, because i have been unable to be there because of the above, and she has done nothing.

    i want to sell (which she wont agree too, and she refuses to buy me out)and this situation is seriously harming the resale value of the property. A friend of mine was in our house 6 monthes ago and told me that he was worried about her mental state because the house had piles of stuff everywhere, the kitchen sink was piled high with moldy dishes, and two of the cabinets in the kitchen have been ripped off their hinges. There was animal feces all over the floor, and it stank to high heaven in there. (this is a man of very few words...the fact he actually called me after the fact to tell me what he noticed says alot). He refuses to write an affidavit though because he doesn't want to get involved. I am scared to see what this year has done to our house.

    Now, I can go over there and work on the yard when the protection order ends and clean it up, but what about the exclusive possession? that ends the same day. I own the house too, so I should be able to see the inside, i just don't want any surprises. I have to prove the house has been neglected, and assess how much its going to cost to make all the necessary repairs. does anyone know, I've looked all over and can't find the answer. as far as i know, it's just a 24hr courtesy call to let her know ill be there. anyone?

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm not a lawyer - this is just my opinion - as far as I know you have every right to access your own property now that the exclusive possession order has expired. Until a final decision has been taken concerning the house - it is marital property and you are co-owner. You should have access to the place whenever it suits you, though a 24 hour courtesy call would be best.

      I would suggest that you make arrangements with the Ex telling her precisely when to expect your visit. It would also be a good idea to have a witness with you in case she tries to pull a stunt and claim any abusive behavior on your part. Take photos or better yet a video would be useful - if she behaves badly you have proof.

      Comment


      • #4
        thank you so much, this is what i was thinking too. I was going to talk to the police before hand and ask that they accompany me. my biggest fear is that she will indeed try to pull another stunt and claim abusive behavior. I have never done anything to hurt her in any way. I was really good to her our entire relationship, and it makes me sick that shes turned this into a three ring circus. I was planning on taking video if the police won't accompany me, but i was afraid that would set her off more. I'm scared. all i want to do is access my home and assess the damage, but im afraid she'll find some way to keep me out so that i can't document it.

        Comment


        • #5
          I doubt that the police would take the time to accompany you, it would be best to call them and ask their advise on how to go about this (just to protect yourself).
          The video won't set her off nor will having a friend (witness) accompany you - if she has any sense - she will not act up with a camera rolling and a third party involved.
          If she locks you out, film that as well. Then you have proof that she is excluding you from your rightful property. You will have everything you need to go to the police and get court-ordered entry.
          Last edited by Janibel; 04-13-2014, 12:15 PM. Reason: typo

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by init'sowntime View Post
            after the exclusive possession of the home ends (it was only good for a year) do i have the right not only to be on our property but to enter our house? (i need to take pictures for court.)
            I would suggest that maybe you consult with your lawyer about this. You don't want to breach anything or do anything wrong because it could work against you in a situation like this. Just my personal opinion.

            Comment


            • #7
              I've spoken with the police. They said they won't get involved in a civil matter (expected). he also said to me that bringing a witness is good, giving 24hrs notice is good, and also, which surprised me because of the way courts can be about video evidence he agreed with me when i said i wanted to video tape my visit.

              When i told him of the situation, and the false allegations he smirked and said "it happens all the time. you leave them, they get pissed off and in order to feel like they've got control over the situation, they file a protection order stating your abusive. that doesn't mean there aren't some people out there with serious concerns, but (when i asked him his take on percentages) roughly 75% are just a litigation tactic."

              I expressed my fear that she would make more false allegations, and he said it might be a good idea to also state that it would be best if shes not there when i am at the house. I feel that if I were to tell her that it would almost guarantee that she would stay just because i said that, and get her on the defensive before i even get there. Has anyone got any suggestions on how I can word this email to not set her off? The points I want to include are:

              1)i will be coming to inspect the house and property, and that if the locks have been changed she needs to leave it open and supply me with a key.
              2) that she not be there while I am there
              3) the cop suggested not giving a time frame of how long ill be there because i may need more time, but i think she would be more willing to leave if it wasn't open ended.
              4) that i will be coming by weekly to make repairs, and do maintenance
              5) that i will be bringing someone with me.

              i just want to make sure nothing i write can me misconstrued as threatening, hostile, or abusive. I'm scared anything i write will just end up as more fodder for her to try and renew the protection order which was baseless. By the way, it ended yesterday along with her exclusive occupation. I felt like a big dark cloud was lifted off my head yesterday. this situation is a mess granted, but i feel free somehow, like her lies no longer have a hold on me...and I'd like to keep it that way.

              i would be grateful for any help and or suggestions. Ive got to send the email off tomorrow morning.

              Comment


              • #8
                Keep your e-mail very brief an unemotional. It would be best to be accompanied by a person that she trusts (like a mutual friend) and state this person's name in your e-mail. If she insists on remaining in the home during your visits make certain that you have your video camera on at all times ---

                Also ask when and what time of day would be more convenient for her. This will seem less threatening, gives her some sense of control and makes you the gentleman.

                Good luck

                Comment


                • #9
                  "Dear Ex,

                  I need to come to 123 Marital St in order to check on the condition of the house and make arrangements for necessary maintenance. I propose to do so on Date, at x o'clock. I anticipate that this will take xxx hours, so I will be gone by x o'clock. I will be accompanied by Friend. If you would like to propose a different time or date, please let me know your suggestion by x o'clock on Date. If I do not hear from you by x o'clock on Date, I will assume that my proposal is fine with you.

                  I anticipate that 123 Marital St will be accessible to me using my keys. If you have changed the locks, please either leave the doors unlocked so I can enter or send me a copy of the key at 456 MyAddress in advance of the date of my visit.

                  In the future, I would like to visit 123 Marital St once a week in order to attend to any necessary repairs and do upkeep. I do not wish to interfere with your life there in any way, only to maintain the value of the property. I propose that I come by each Weekday, between x o'clock and x o'clock, beginning on Date. If you would like to propose a different weekday or time, please let me know your suggestion by x o'clock on Date. If I do not hear from you by x o'clock on Date, I will assume that this proposal is fine with you.

                  Sincerely,

                  Me".

                  I would leave it up to her as to whether she wants to be there when you visit the house or not, so it doesn't look like you're trying to push her out. If you've got a neutral friend with you, you have a witness. I also wouldn't mention that you will bring a camera (although I do think you should in fact bring a camera), as that sounds like you're expecting her to launch some sort of confrontation.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Fuck that shit:

                    I will be at XYZ on May++++

                    From +++++

                    Yours truly,
                    Registered owner (city bylaw #)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      Fuck that shit:

                      I will be at XYZ on May++++

                      From +++++

                      Yours truly,
                      Registered owner (city bylaw #)
                      LMAO! No beating around the bush with you ey?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        Fuck that shit:

                        I will be at XYZ on May++++

                        From +++++

                        Yours truly,
                        Registered owner (city bylaw #)
                        ^^^ It's not shit. It's BIFF (Brief, Informative, Factual, Friendly). It's also CYA (Cover Your Ass), by making it clear what you intend to do while presenting the ex with an opportunity to negotiate, within parameters which you set, so you don't come out looking like an aggressive jerk. Both recommended strategies for dealing with conflict-prone drama queens.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The first part of the letter is fine. Make one visit/inspection then determine how often and if u want to go back weekly or whatever. She may not resist the initial visit if she thinks it's only one time. It will allow you to get pics.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            thank you all. I sent a very simple email today. What i got back was abusive threatening and hostile. Keep in mind, I have never hurt this woman, I have never had any criminal charges against me, I have always treated her well, until I left her, and then suddenly I'm an abusive prick who controlled her every move, thought and action.

                            She lied and made many false allegations. she was able to get a protection order. it has expired along with the exclusive occupancy. All I want to do is visit my property and take pictures to show the deterioration of the assets in question.

                            the email I got back today makes me sound like i'm threatening her, and intimidating her. they have threatened that if i come to the property (which i have full rights to do since i am the owner as well as her and that no maintenance has been done) that they will go to court to get another protection order.

                            I want someone to look at the email I sent and the response i got back. Should I still go to our house? I talked to the cops again and they said they cannot force her to let me into the property, but they also can't stop me from entering it. My question is this, can i remove a deadbolt to gain entry? she said shes changed the locks, even though i am supposed to have a key. Pm me if you would like to see the docs and I will send them. thank you so much.

                            im scared. if I don't go tommorrow she'll slap another protection order on me and I'll never get the pics. if I do go, she'll still slap it on me but at least i will have pics to prove my point, and im sure thats exactly why she doesn't want me in there.

                            I am bringing a witness and a camcorder to record the whole thing. if I do take the deadbolt off and put a new one on (which I'll give her a key to) will that hurt me in court?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              my email to her:

                              Hello ex,

                              I'm just letting you know I will be attending at our house saterday morning april 26th.

                              there will be someone accompanying me on my visit.

                              If you have changed the locks, could you please leave the door unlocked and/or provide me with the new key.

                              It might be easier on both of us if you were not present during my visit.

                              Sincerely, Me

                              (to the point, non threatening, and giving her a full 24hrs notice.)

                              Comment

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