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  • #16
    your best bet is to move out. It is escalating and with your previous assault charge you are playing with fire. The police may arrest both of you but maybe only charge you.

    Look at it this way, what are your losses going to be (you can still fight in court and not be in the house) and how much is you peace of mind and safety worth to you?

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    • #17
      if i do move out can i take everything ive bought??..even if for house?..i have asked her for half of cost of purchases but she refuses also if i move out can i stop paying bills??...family lawyer told me i can leave and still hold interest in the house but she can lock me out and nothing i can do about it...tired of this and more than happy to move..already found somewhere to stay for a bit but if i get locked out then shouldnt i take EVERYTHING i purchased and b able to stop paying bills??...pls help on this one cause i at my breaking point mentally..just cant deal with this anymore, monday im in the hospital in toronto for the entire day dealing with tests..thats enough to worry about!!..pls give me some advice/opinions

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      • #18
        you can take all your personal effects. Yes if you are living common law she can just lock you out with no problem. You can stop paying bills once you move out as it is not your responsibility. Just rememeber that once you stop paying mortgage any rise in equity after that you are not able to share in (if you have a case to begin with)

        What types of things are you talking about when you say things for the house??

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        • #19
          brand new washer/dryer on my credit..a electric fireplace..other odds and ends i purchased...btw when i went to c family lawyer earlier this week she said since i been on mortgage for almost 2yrs i should b entitled to 50% plus with medical issues i could go for spousal support and some of the joint debt she should pay more of than agreed..and the referance to equity, would it b a good idea to have an appraisal done if and when i was to leave??...but again i cannot stress the fact that i just want the house sold so i can move on!!!!

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          • #20
            you were common law right?? You lawyer said you "Should" not would. Two very different outcomes.

            As for the washer and dryer if you can prove that you paid for it by yourself and it is not part of the joint debt you want her to pay then i would take it. But if you want that credit card to be considered part of the joint debt then you cant have your cake and eat it to.

            Some lawyers want to keep the fight going. Are your medical issues going to prevent you from earning a living?? If not then be a man and do not go for SS and you each pay 50% of the debt. As for the house, did you guys buy it together or was it her house first? If it was hers first and you moved in then the valuation should be for only the amount the house went up since you moved in (assuming common law).

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            • #21
              she owned first..ive been paying since i moved here but have been on title and mortgage for 2yrs...and medical issues prevent me from working full time, can only work a few hrs a day..and the house issue she had someone draw up an agreement that states that its a 60/40 split and that we both had or turned down legal representation...this just seems to b more of a hassle than its worth..and just to state medical issues include serious respitory and heart problems...i was on life support twice for said issues

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              • #22
                please people...i dunno what to do and its getting worse!!!

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by shlaba View Post
                  please people...i dunno what to do and its getting worse!!!
                  if i was you i would put health first and move out.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                    if i was you i would put health first and move out.
                    I'd have to agree. I know the overwhelming advice is to stay in the house until it is sold/dealt with, but if your health is at risk and detoriating because of your living situation, I'd save your health.

                    You are on title, she can't do anything to the house without your consent, it might take a while to get it dealt with and receive your equity share and once you leave, you do lose some leverage in pushing it forward. But is it worth your health? Do you have enough funds to get a rental and restart, or do you need the equity to move?
                    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                    • #25
                      At the time when I left, I wasn't aware about trying to stay in the house with a locked room until it was resolved. I left mostly for my mental health, worried about being physically hurt as it was at its absolute worst, and for the 'health' of my kids to not be in a toxic environment. It's been well over a year and it's still not settled (my ex still has to give me my half of the house) but I'm working on that legally (very slow process and I don't have the funds to push it faster).
                      I've never regretted ... ever ... leaving when I did. I put together 1 bag of stuff, and moved into my moms house while she was away. Then I leased a house before they came back. Can you stay with friends ? family ? Can someone move in with you at your current house (like a brother or friend ?)...
                      You cannot stay there if you're risking your health (physical and/or mental). That needs to come first...

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                      • #26
                        $ is the biggest thing holding me back from leaving, i am tryin to find a place to stay with someone but its difficult and she will force me to get rid of pets which will b difficult considering they are reptiles..in the process of finding them homes first...thank u for the advice and input i really appreciate all the support here

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                        • #27
                          I can't even comment and/or give advice on this post- Pursuinghappiness: I honestly don't think I would have been able to live the way your did, almost sounds like being hostage in your own home....that's terrible...and here I thought we live in a free Country. No wonder this world is upside down!

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                          • #28
                            TLCRN:

                            Yea it was pretty awful...especially since he borderline stalked me and kept a notebook of everything I did...where I went..who I saw. I did my best to ignore it and just kept at my life.

                            I'm not the only one either. Like I said, there are literally thousands of separated (and often hostile) couples living under the same roof due to money, custody, or home equity and there's nothing you can really do about it.

                            A lot of these situations turn really hostile with people calling the cops on each other, etc. I handled it as best I could ..luckily the house was relatively large so I was able to segregate myself and would leave on days that he was staying...like some weekend days and try to sleep somewhere else. When I was there...I had a door lock and a special kicker wedge which blocked my door so it couldn't be pushed open. I had to wait until he finally agreed to sell...then I had to wait for the closing. It was tough and was the worst part of the divorce process for me...luckily its over now and I'm in my own home. I remember the first night I slept in my new house...it was amazing. I love coming home now for the first time in about 20 years...so for me, its been well worth it.

                            For this OP though, I'd get a medical note and see if there's any way to get exclusive possession because of health reasons. I've heard there are cases of that...where if the stress of living together is causing you extreme medical stress, you can apply for exclusive possession. I'd ask my lawyer about it at least before I just moved out.

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                            • #29
                              is that possible??...the health thing, my cardiologist and general dr both say that stress is the biggest contributing factor to my declining health..for my increased BP and heart rate, was told its a matter of time before something gives..makes me nervous considering im only 38 and dont wanna be on life support again..

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                              • #30
                                shlaba:

                                I would ask your lawyer and look on CanLII to see if there are any cases that use health concerns as grounds for exclusive possession. I know I've heard of such a case but it was pertaining to the child's health and the situational stress caused by the separated parent's bickering in the home.

                                Anyway, ask...can't hurt.

                                Comment

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