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Rioe · #11 11-08-2017, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Martins

In any case at least i had the basics in my head that id never have children until i got married to someone I was sure about and spent a good amount of time married before having children... at least that was the plan...

I did exactly that, waited a long time, to be sure my life was ready, and that my spouse was a good choice. It totally backfired. Even good planning fails under the right circumstances.

You can't waste your time wishing for a happier past. You have to move into the future with the present you've got.

Doctor Martins · #12 11-08-2017, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rioe

I did exactly that, waited a long time, to be sure my life was ready, and that my spouse was a good choice. It totally backfired. Even good planning fails under the right circumstances.

You can't waste your time wishing for a happier past. You have to move into the future with the present you've got.

Yes of course, and reality is I wasn't even sure if i wanted children at all.. and maybe unless forced i wouldnt have, or would have gotten too old. However she asked.. its just sad because I think its really not a good thing to have a broken home and i think people are too frivolous these days..

Tayken · #13 11-08-2017, 10:54 AM

Note: Statistics and studies don't matter. What matters is the child involved in the case. Every case is unique and all the stats in the world won't help anyone. If you are looking to make a systemic change in Family Law then do it with good case law like WorkingDad has done.

Waxing poetic about "fatherless children" is not going to help anyone or anything. Everyone should act accordingly and do the right things. That will produce an overwhelming set of jurisprudence and bring about change.

Arguing/debating/understanding/pondering/etc... about statistics is about as fruitful as trying to grow a tree in a lava pit. It will only burn you in your legal matters.

Don't think about what should be but, how it could for your child. Not in a systemic way but, vigilant and focused on your matter at hand. Don't save the world's problems... solve your own matter first.

The best way to put it is with a Matrix quote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAXtO5dMqEI

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

trinton · #14 11-08-2017, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken

Note: Statistics and studies don't matter.

They do matter as that is what the social workers generally go off. Children in joint custody / equal access generally have higher self esteem and do better in school. When there is conflict, in sole custody don't do any better than those counterparts children in joint custody / equal access

This is directly from canlii:

Quote:

Doctor Frank Williams, director of the Family and Child Psychiatry Programs at Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles was referring in a recent address to the American Bar Association[1] when he stated: (as quoted by His Honour Provincial Judge Alan P. Ingram in his address of 4 March 1989 to the Canadian Bar Association of Ontario)

There is the myth in some mental health, legal and judicial thinking that joint custody can only be effectively undertaken by co-operative parents. To the contrary, joint custody provides one of the best methods of stimulating a degree of significant and meaningful co-operation in warring parents who would otherwise continue years of battling to the detriment of their children.

Our experience leads to the conviction that parental identity � if strengthened in both parents � can increase co-operation and that co-operation should not be a criteria for joint custody vs. sole custody schedules for children. During the ensuing years, after custodial orders are in place, children of parents who remain highly unco-operative suffer greatly, and suffer just as much in unilateral sole custody as in joint custody arrangements.

Judge Ingram commented:

He stated that he found that the essential minimum co-operation needed by parents in maintaining a relationship between each parent and the children, develops more rapidly under a joint custody order or agreement. In sole custody situations, the non-custodial parent feels a loss of parental identity or a victim of psychological or �legal parentectomy�, resulting in feelings of powerlessness, depression and rage.

Doctor Martins · #15 11-08-2017, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinton

They do matter as that is what the social workers generally go off. Children in joint custody / equal access generally have higher self esteem and do better in school. When there is conflict, in sole custody don't do any better than those counterparts children in joint custody / equal access

This is directly from canlii:

Do you have the case for this?

Tayken · #16 11-09-2017, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinton

They do matter as that is what the social workers generally go off. Children in joint custody / equal access generally have higher self esteem and do better in school. When there is conflict, in sole custody don't do any better than those counterparts children in joint custody / equal access

This is directly from canlii:

And as the judge in this matter demonstrated... They are educated and you don't need to educate them at all.

trinton · #17 11-09-2017, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken

And as the judge in this matter demonstrated... They are educated and you don't need to educate them at all.

not all of them. especially so the biased sexist ones. good cop bad cop. regardless my intention was to educate the posters so they can and will hold our judges accountable.

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