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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-14-2019, 07:31 AM
beentheredonethis beentheredonethis is offline
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Default Looking for advice

I joined this forum a few years ago looking for advice when my then spouse was going through court with his ex, and now we are separating and shock of shocks he is being challenging.

After years of infidelity and me trying to get past it he wants to go find happiness.
By all means, on your way.

Challenges we are currently facing:
He would like kids 50/50. The challenge - 1 child is ours, 2 are mine and I have sole custody of them. He would like me to drop that sole custody order so he can have joint custody of them. He is undeniably driven by money in this. We are very close in income (about $1000 separates us). However that is when you add in what he is paid in cash when he works overtime. He has indicated he won't work overtime anymore if that means I make more and he will ensure I pay him.
He has worked hours that in my opinion won't allow 50/50 that will benefit the children (won't be home in time to get kids to practice, or feed them dinner before 7). This would leave my 12 year old in charge of the kids until he gets home from work or cooking meals on his week. I believe this is unfair to her. This is based on the last 2 years of his career. I have proposed a 60/40 split which removes most work nights so alleviate this.

The kids (older 2 - mine) do not want 50/50. The youngest (ours) does not know what is going on right now. I am not opposed to 50/50 for him. He is his child.
Has anyone seen two different access arrangements happen with step children and bio children? My children do not see their bio father due to safety issues so their step father is their "dad".

I am open to thoughts on this and experience. I have not been able to find case on this but if there is and anyone can point me in the right direction I would appreciate it.
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:31 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Wow... sorry you are going through this. How long has your spouse been in your bio kids lives??? How old are they?


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  #3  
Old 04-14-2019, 08:34 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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Default Few Questions

What is the difference between his base salary and your base salary? How much overtime is paid in cash? Cash jobs are often hard to prove. How much more does this add to his annual income? Check out the online child support calculators and put in your numbers. 10-15k more than you or less than you doesn't amount to much in child support. Your 2 older kids don't factor in because child support for a step child isn't a given unlike child of the marriage. They are given consideration but many factors are also looked at as well.
How long have you been married? Does your older children's father pay child support? How long he has been a father figure? If your older children are 12 and 10 for example and you have been married 5 years, a judge may see this differently than someone who has been in their life since birth. If your ex husband and father of your older 2 doesn't pay the full child support for whatever reason a judge could ask that your ex supplement this. Step children are recognized but the rules are often different for deciding support so don't bank on getting child support for all 3. Many families have variations of child custody for different reasons. Even ones that aren't blended. My own for example, One child is week to week on paper and 2 are staggered 2-2-3. This is because of age, schooling and work schedules and the older teen prefers week to week but really comes and goes depending on the day. If your older children want to stay with you I wouldn't think this would be challenged. Lastly, parents can change work schedules for family reasons and a parent shouldn't be denied to be a 50/50 parent just because they work shift work. My employee is huge with human rights and "family status" is one. Many work a variation of their schedule due to being single parents. Many co-workers hire a nanny as well to pick up the slack during those odd hours. Every family situation is different.
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:56 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You could offer him 60/40 with cs only applicable for the child you share. That might sway him a bit.

Normally you could fight for cs for the older two kids but if you know he is motivated by money then he may be more inclined to accept something if it means less money.

Does he pay cs for his first marriage? That may also be an issue for him.
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:01 AM
beentheredonethis beentheredonethis is offline
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I have offered no child support to keep houses even, split on sports and 60/40 all kids. Its very reasonable in my opinion.
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:35 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Did he counter offer other than 50/50?
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Old 04-14-2019, 01:56 PM
beentheredonethis beentheredonethis is offline
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No he will not discuss it at all.
His counter is "fine you can tell the kids that you are keeping them from me"
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Old 04-14-2019, 01:57 PM
beentheredonethis beentheredonethis is offline
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And yes, he pays child support to first wife, sorry I meant to respond to that earlier
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  #9  
Old 04-14-2019, 02:25 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if he didnt work the overtime then what would his hours be then? If he was able to do all the stuff you say he cannot do with the hours he works would you be willing to do 50/50?

One big question I have for the more informed people on this site. Does sole custody have any legs in this situation? She has sole custody between her and the kids bio father. Considering this is a newer situation does sole custody apply for this situation also considering custody etc hasnt been decided in this situation.
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  #10  
Old 04-14-2019, 08:06 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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IMO this would not be a case of loco parentis. Therefore only the one child would count, which would most likely be joint 50/50 with minimal offset support being paid.

Let the step kids come and go as they please. If step dad pushed for visitation, then he may have to pay cs but he wouldn't get custody. Given their age though, the visits may not last long and he would still be on the hook for cs so it wouldn't be advisable.
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