Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #21  
Old 04-04-2020, 06:24 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default

Just coming here to vent; its been a week from hell. Things mommy cannot do because daddy says so:

Go to the grocery store
If I do go, nothing comes in the house unless switched to a new container
Hug/touch them without their permission
Order take out
Go for a walk unless the sidewalks are visibly empty
Was told by one child, who is not very articulate, "You have an uncanny and unnatural ability of making everything bad and unhappy." (Yes, exact words) This after having had enough of not being listened to all week. I raised my voice after asking them for the millionth time not to throw things in the living room. They broke something yesterday; I didn't get angry then because it wasn't anything important but said, "see what happens?".

Phone calls continue to be the bane of my existance. He winds them up every goddamn night. What happened after being put in their places re throwing things? We want to call daddy! And I have to allow it. I have never been one to prevent phone calls but I wish I could for the next little while.

I just don't know what to do. Switch over is tomorrow at 6. I don't want to be scared that they won't come home again but am already heading down that road.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-04-2020, 07:10 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 395
Abba435 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

welcome to my world and add a campaign of insults and poison against my amazing wife (stepmom).
we do not have a ruling but even after the judge's closing lecture that was very obviously directed at the ex the insults continue
You cannot fix crazy. you cannot influence control freaks. you will never ever ever change a Cluster B personality
So, knowing this what can you do that will not end up on court , bankrupt you and destroy the children?
I wish i knew. the family law system will not change any of this, Never.
So you really need to become expert in dealing with Cluster B. In becoming the most incredibly detached person imaginable. It is sooooooo freaking hard. And I have failed miserably with fleeting and occasional success.
I have a saying that expecting other people to behave as I would is a setup. It is a huge setup for failure when dealing with Cluster B.
So be easy on yourself. Detach, detach, detach.
DO NOT take the bait.
Talk to the kids calmly, lovingly and do not engage in the nonsense.
you do not have to answer to the accusations. he has to prove them. Tell him you will not respond to accusations, insults or any escalation. Repeat it.
Brief, Informative Firm, Fair, Factual.
Mission impossible I know. Believe me, I know.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-05-2020, 01:13 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you for your support, Abba435. I have been dealing with this person for 12 years now. I thought I had built that thick skin one needs when dealing with these people. But this week, I just did not know how to deal with our current situation. I am struggling with how to manage the crap that is being put into my kids minds and their reactions to it. I am now essentially an unsafe person in my kids eyes and nothing I do has been able to change that. Its devastating and last night I temporarily broke.

Today is switch over day; he picks them up at 6. I woke up shaking but shoved that away and focused on my kids. We sat down and I asked them to tell me what they would like me to do to feel safer when they return next Sunday. I will have to wait to find out if it works. We also made a grocery order on Instacart just for them. I let them choose anything (within reason). They know this is their order and it will be waiting for them upon their return.

So far, so good today. But, my blood pressure is up, anxieties too. I have been in contstant contact with my counselor. I have a long week ahead of me waiting to see if he will follow our Covid-19 agreement. Only time will tell.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04-05-2020, 01:33 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 395
Abba435 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Cranberry I really think a support group (off this forum) by invitation would help a lot of us that are not just dealing with the legal mayhem but the personality mayhem. PM me if you are interested. I have learned a lot from many of the members adn am grateful for this. Sometimes it is good to know you are not facing something that has never happened before. There are a lot of families in distress especially now. I predict much much worse is coming as the full economic impact hits within a few weeks for millions if not billions worldwide. That is another topic altogether.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Opinions needed -- chance of getting back together bleudar Divorce Support 11 04-14-2019 11:55 AM
kids events, how do yo handle them? denbigh Parenting Issues 7 11-03-2018 02:09 PM
Poisoning the minds of our kids J_Kitchener2010 Divorce & Family Law 11 10-01-2010 02:01 PM
mother of kids involved in dealing drugs with kids in the home crispy Parenting Issues 4 05-10-2007 07:21 AM
This whole "shared parenting" thing... sasha1 Political Issues 42 05-02-2006 06:44 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:05 PM.