Before taking action, I thought I'd get the opinion of the forum. This past weekend when my 3y old daughter (about to be 4) was with me, all of a sudden and totally out of the blue, she tells me the following (paraphrasing):
Dad, when mom was in the house, you beat up her a lot.
I said, when did I do that? She said, when I was in the tummy.
I said, who told you that? She said, mom told me that.
I said, no honey, dad did not beat up mom. Dad is nice and mom is nice too.
After that, we quickly went back to our usual routine and it was completely fine afterwards.
There was also an incident about 2 months ago, when I picked up my daughter, she said mom slapped me because I was crying for you. I didn't observe any marks but wrote to my ex's lawyer later advising that was unacceptable and warned her not to repeat this or else I would take appropriate action to protect my daughter from any physical or emotional harm.
As I see it, the situation now is that there's this damaging info that child is being exposed to, and due to her age, doesn't really understand the implications and forgets easily. Hence, I haven't actually seen any damage to our relationship and we're still very attached. I worry that the actual damages are in the future and currently a preventive intervention is needed.
Upon reviewing CAS website, it states each report will be evaluated to ensure family and child receive the support necessary to keep the child safe.
Question is if proven, what will CAS actually do? simply advise the mother to stop?
Below is an excerpt of the CAS website:
The thing that scares me is if there's an actual investigation and child doesn't repeat this and CAS says there's no actual harm. Then it looks like I'm just making up false things to bolster my custody claims. Worse is if mother is infuriated and punishes the child in some way for disclosing these things or coaches her to throw counter allegations at me.
To summarize, what is the best course of action for me that ensures safety for my child? Should I involve CAS? If so, what can I expect the CAS to do in this situation?
I believe the best thing I can do and continue to do, regardless of CAS, is to be involved in my child's life and show her first hand how much I love her and care about her.
Dad, when mom was in the house, you beat up her a lot.
I said, when did I do that? She said, when I was in the tummy.
I said, who told you that? She said, mom told me that.
I said, no honey, dad did not beat up mom. Dad is nice and mom is nice too.
After that, we quickly went back to our usual routine and it was completely fine afterwards.
There was also an incident about 2 months ago, when I picked up my daughter, she said mom slapped me because I was crying for you. I didn't observe any marks but wrote to my ex's lawyer later advising that was unacceptable and warned her not to repeat this or else I would take appropriate action to protect my daughter from any physical or emotional harm.
As I see it, the situation now is that there's this damaging info that child is being exposed to, and due to her age, doesn't really understand the implications and forgets easily. Hence, I haven't actually seen any damage to our relationship and we're still very attached. I worry that the actual damages are in the future and currently a preventive intervention is needed.
Upon reviewing CAS website, it states each report will be evaluated to ensure family and child receive the support necessary to keep the child safe.
Question is if proven, what will CAS actually do? simply advise the mother to stop?
Below is an excerpt of the CAS website:
If you see no physical signs of abuse, how do you assess whether children are being exposed to violence?
We look at whether there are issues of emotional harm, like pervasive threatening, belittling, humiliating — those kinds of behaviours. They all have an emotional impact on a child. And we have to use the legislation (the Child, Youth and Family Services Act). The behaviour has to meet a threshold of harm. It’s not like we just say there is harm with every comment a parent makes or every time they raise their voice.
It’s when we see that it has an impact on kids. We look beyond the event, to the relationships and the behaviours the kids have with their parents. Are they afraid, I mean visibly afraid? We look at all their responses and reactions. How are they coping?
We look at whether there are issues of emotional harm, like pervasive threatening, belittling, humiliating — those kinds of behaviours. They all have an emotional impact on a child. And we have to use the legislation (the Child, Youth and Family Services Act). The behaviour has to meet a threshold of harm. It’s not like we just say there is harm with every comment a parent makes or every time they raise their voice.
It’s when we see that it has an impact on kids. We look beyond the event, to the relationships and the behaviours the kids have with their parents. Are they afraid, I mean visibly afraid? We look at all their responses and reactions. How are they coping?
To summarize, what is the best course of action for me that ensures safety for my child? Should I involve CAS? If so, what can I expect the CAS to do in this situation?
I believe the best thing I can do and continue to do, regardless of CAS, is to be involved in my child's life and show her first hand how much I love her and care about her.
Comment