Financial disclosure and Child support

[rockscan]

You need to get real about your situation. You never should have quit your job and at this point I would recommend you go out and get a new one and fast. You need to take control of your finances immediately. If you had never had a spouse it would be all on you.

Next you need to let go of this notion that you can modify a custody situation to get more money. Your kids should love both their parents equally and if you are worried about having enough money to buy their love then you need to adjust your parenting immediately.

You also need to do the math like I outlined and determine worst case scenario and best case scenario then offer a middle option to your ex to settle it. If you have to rent for a couple of years so be it, you made this choice, this is the consequence. Your ex didnt force you to quit your job or open your own business. You got into that mess yourself and you dug the hole you are in yourself. Time to put on your big girl pants and own it.

From there you need to look at entitlement and whether spousal is something you would receive. Everything is a math game at this point and a good lawyer will help you work through that. It sounds like you had a good lawyer you just didnt like what they had to say. If you want to try someone else, google lawyer ratings and find one that way. Either way, until you lower your expectations you will never resolve this.

You also need to stop viewing this as your ex trying to destroy you. You set the stage to destroy yourself. You can fix it.


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[StillPaying]

Maybe I misunderstood, but it doesn't sound like the new business was a mistake. Although she's only paying herself a small salary ($50k), she's also paying her bf "full salary and expenses".

OP - you need a lawyer. If your kids are still young, you may be able to stay longer in the house. Since you're not on title, you're only looking at equity on separation date. With that 300k, you'll be able to pay off your debt and put a nice down payment on a new house. Also with the amount of child and spousal support you'll receive, you'll be fine.

[trueblue22]

Maybe I misunderstood, but it doesn't sound like the new business was a mistake. Although she's only paying herself a small salary ($50k), she's also paying her bf "full salary and expenses".

OP - you need a lawyer. If your kids are still young, you may be able to stay longer in the house. Since you're not on title, you're only looking at equity on separation date. With that 300k, you'll be able to pay off your debt and put a nice down payment on a new house. Also with the amount of child and spousal support you'll receive, you'll be fine.

My kids are 5 and 10 years old. I had a consultation with a lawyer today and he recommended I seek "resulting trust" in the matrimonial home to see if I can get the increase in the value of the home since I did contribute to the purchase at the beginning. I haven't paid any expenses or bills for over 4 years and my ex has also paid for renovations and repairs that I needed which works against me. The lawyer also provided me some comments about my boyfriends full salary and expenses. I didn't really understand but it seems like the money he receives may get attributed back to me? That doesn't seem fair since I am not the one receiving the money.

[rockscan]

Maybe I misunderstood, but it doesn't sound like the new business was a mistake. Although she's only paying herself a small salary ($50k), she's also paying her bf "full salary and expenses".

OP - you need a lawyer. If your kids are still young, you may be able to stay longer in the house. Since you're not on title, you're only looking at equity on separation date. With that 300k, you'll be able to pay off your debt and put a nice down payment on a new house. Also with the amount of child and spousal support you'll receive, you'll be fine.

To go from $150,000 a year to $50,000 and the resulting debt that has been referred to, it is a bad decision.

It has also bee four years of the ex requesting she move. He has finally decided to pull the trigger on legal action.


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[rockscan]

My kids are 5 and 10 years old. I had a consultation with a lawyer today and he recommended I seek "resulting trust" in the matrimonial home to see if I can get the increase in the value of the home since I did contribute to the purchase at the beginning. I haven't paid any expenses or bills for over 4 years and my ex has also paid for renovations and repairs that I needed which works against me. The lawyer also provided me some comments about my boyfriends full salary and expenses. I didn't really understand but it seems like the money he receives may get attributed back to me? That doesn't seem fair since I am not the one receiving the money.

More than likely it means because you own the business the entire worth is attributed to you and he is simply an employee who you pay. You could fire him and keep the money you pay him.


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[trueblue22]

To go from $150,000 a year to $50,000 and the resulting debt that has been referred to, it is a bad decision.

It has also bee four years of the ex requesting she move. He has finally decided to pull the trigger on legal action.


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You are right. He did request the MH be sold a few weeks after he left but he didn't really pursue it so I thought everything would be okay since he didn't initiate formal court proceedings but this isn't considered "urgent" court matter is it? My business isn't doing that well now because of COVID19 but my ex seems fairly busy since it's year end.

[trueblue22]

More than likely it means because you own the business the entire worth is attributed to you and he is simply an employee who you pay. You could fire him and keep the money you pay him.


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I have other employees too but he is the only other one that is full time besides me. My new partner is also in a lot of debt so he can't financially help me either. He also experienced a really bad divorce and told me his ex wife took the MH home from him (and full custody of their 2 sons) so he also encouraged me to try and keep the house since that's the most valuable asset I have access to. If my new partner moves in with me can my ex husband kick him out?

[StillPaying]

To go from $150,000 a year to $50,000 and the resulting debt that has been referred to, it is a bad decision.

What if the business made millions, yet she only wants to pay herself 50k. It's all relative. Paying herself plus bf and expenses seems like it's doing well.

It has also bee four years of the ex requesting she move. He has finally decided to pull the trigger on legal action.

Ex has been paying bills instead of spousal for 4 years. Normally OP would be responsible for expenses plus occupational rent, but I don't think that'll be the case here. OP is probably better off selling now and taking the spousal money rather than free rent a few more years.

[rockscan]

What if the business made millions, yet she only wants to pay herself 50k. It's all relative. Paying herself plus bf and expenses seems like it's doing well.



Ex has been paying bills instead of spousal for 4 years. Normally OP would be responsible for expenses plus occupational rent, but I don't think that'll be the case here. OP is probably better off selling now and taking the spousal money rather than free rent a few more years.

If she were a man and quit his well paying job to open his own business that wasn’t making enough money to pay him a relevant income and had as much debt as OP alludes to, he would be eviscerated by the courts.

As it stands, OP has had a full expense paid lifestyle with a home for four years which allowed her to make these decisions. Now the time has come to deal with something that should have been dealt with before. She may not even be entitled to spousal support and since it sounds like they have off set, how would you feel if your offset amount went from 150 a year to 50 or less?

Not to mention that if her business is bringing in a significantly higher amount of income (not all self employed people have expenses taken off) then she is even more screwed on paper.


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[StillPaying]

If she were a man and quit his well paying job to open his own business that wasn�t making enough money to pay him a relevant income and had as much debt as OP alludes to, he would be eviscerated by the courts.

What makes you think she won't? This is why her ex will get full disclosure. You're treating her salary as the whole business income. We don't know what it is, but seems to be more than the 150k. What we do know is she was hoping to hide herself from the business, pays herself less, bf full salary and expenses, and she doesn't feel the need to pay herself more. She'll definitely be imputed income in court.

As it stands, OP has had a full expense paid lifestyle with a home for four years which allowed her to make these decisions. Now the time has come to deal with something that should have been dealt with before. She may not even be entitled to spousal support and since it sounds like they have off set, how would you feel if your offset amount went from 150 a year to 50 or less?

Lawyer needed, but it sounds like both sides agreed to spousal entitlement. Whether he pays her or the bills directly, it's irrelevant.
Obviously she'll be imputed; just don't understand the hype on getting her to close up shop.

[trueblue22]

During my marriage my ex paid for a nanny so I could work full time. Can this be used against me for spousal support entitlement? I didn't even take mat leave after my second child was born. Because I have my own business now I can spend more time with the kids but my business is seasonal. I don't have work for about 4 months of the year from mid Dec to mid March. Can my ex force me to work during my off/slow season?

[trueblue22]

I'm still not sure how retroactive spousal and child support get calculated. I think I will me asking for this as a starting point.

[rockscan]

During my marriage my ex paid for a nanny so I could work full time. Can this be used against me for spousal support entitlement? I didn't even take mat leave after my second child was born. Because I have my own business now I can spend more time with the kids but my business is seasonal. I don't have work for about 4 months of the year from mid Dec to mid March. Can my ex force me to work during my off/slow season?

So your career was not impacted by his career then that entitlement is gone.

Was your job before your business full time all year? Then he can argue to impute an income to you. It could go two ways. Either he has an income imputed at what you were earning or an income based on your business earnings. Your lawyer will have a better idea on that.

As for asking for retroactive, you should probably ask your lawyer to tell you mid level spousal entitlement at his income and child support amounts that are offset at your income of $150,000. Calculate everything he paid in the four years—all household expenses plus the support amounts. From there compare the two numbers. It could be that he paid the right amount or he paid more. Your best bet would be to determine this number before putting anything forward because he would have known this from his lawyer.

You should also ask your lawyer what length of time you would have qualified for spousal should your have split fully four years ago. You may have only been entitled to five years and it might be hard to argue changing this as you have had four to become independent and have not.

All of these are important details to review on your own and then discuss with your lawyer. A lawyer always gets paid so they will fight for you fully but at a high cost. If you walk in there with no knowledge then you end up screwing yourself.


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[StillPaying]

You are following an agreement, so retroactive is unlikely.

Whether you're imputed 50k or 150k, you'll either receive 12k or 9k a month in support. Stop wasting time and listen to your lawyer.

[trueblue22]

So your career was not impacted by his career then that entitlement is gone.

Was your job before your business full time all year? Then he can argue to impute an income to you. It could go two ways. Either he has an income imputed at what you were earning or an income based on your business earnings. Your lawyer will have a better idea on that.

My job before separation was full time. Officially I was "let go" without cause so I didn't quit but my ex (we were still on better terms then) knew that I was in negotiations with my employer at the time to leave.

As for asking for retroactive, you should probably ask your lawyer to tell you mid level spousal entitlement at his income and child support amounts that are offset at your income of $150,000. Calculate everything he paid in the four years�all household expenses plus the support amounts. From there compare the two numbers. It could be that he paid the right amount or he paid more. Your best bet would be to determine this number before putting anything forward because he would have known this from his lawyer.

All the money I received is indirect (him paying the mortgage/bills/repairs) and a few thousand dollars via etransfer every month but we have no formal agreement. Does this mean the courts will consider he only paid me child support and no spousal support?

You should also ask your lawyer what length of time you would have qualified for spousal should your have split fully four years ago. You may have only been entitled to five years and it might be hard to argue changing this as you have had four to become independent and have not.

My original lawyer told me my best case scenario for spousal support would be until my youngest child turns 18 or finishes post secondary but I am considered a "medium term marriage" since it lasted only 10 years but I was under the impression he wanted to be very aggressive and I was scared that would make my ex's lawyer get aggressive

All of these are important details to review on your own and then discuss with your lawyer. A lawyer always gets paid so they will fight for you fully but at a high cost. If you walk in there with no knowledge then you end up screwing yourself.


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I thought if I couldn't support myself at the same standard of living my ex would need to maintain the lifestyle?